TForever

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad

The student who needed me the most was the one I couldn't help. I can't stop thinking about what happened, and what it means.

• Death
• Rarity
• Starlight Glimmer

Winston · 1.3k words  ·  72  5 · 1.6k views

Forever by Winston is next in line to be placed under the scrutiny of my magnifying glass. It’s another incredibly short story and that means I definitely have to say this: Do not read further if you do not want to spoil it for yourself!

Summary

“I can look past most things
But only this statue clings
Onto my memories, ringing
My mind, forever wondering.”

Content/Plot Analysis

Right, now to the content analysis. Firstly, I would like to comment that Starlight is well in character here. The story development portrays a Starlight that is easily unnerved by the events of the past, as she reflects on her actions when she was the counsellor for the School of Friendship, especially pertaining to one Cozy Glow. I am convinced by this since Starlight was previously a malicious individual who has now been reformed to who she is today, to one that helps others grow and find friendships in authentic ways. She would have been wondering how she had managed to reform herself with the help of her friends but she and her friends could not steer Cozy Glow into the right track. In fact, this is brought up in the story, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Characterization of Starlight was on point, great work!

The story opens with Starlight’s individual private thoughts of the matter as she stared at the statue that was troubling her for essentially, forever. She couldn’t get over the fact that her own former students, one she could have reformed, would be punished and encased in stone forever. Relatable and genuine emotions seep through here, certainly capturing the reader’s attention.

Soon, Rarity steps forth to try and reassure Starlight through a conversation which shows Rarity using her advice on fashion to help propose a resolution to Starlight, to console her through building a point to showcase the difficulty to decipher between the differences in their experiences and fate. I would like to comment that this is a unique and creative method to showcase the two personalities interacting with one another in a cohesive manner.

Before I move on to the next section, I would like to comment on the following –

“Oh, come on, dear!” Rarity said in exasperation. “Not even Celestia can always succeed with every student. Sunset Shimmer, for instance. I know pointing out somepony else’s failing probably doesn’t change how you feel about what you think was your own, but… umm…” Rarity huffed and scowled at the ground. “Well, now that I think about it, I’m really not sure where I was going with that. I’m sorry.”

I felt that Rarity’s incapability to continue her chain of thought was convenient to the plot to show the difficulty that Starlight had when she was grappling with her past actions concerning Cozy Glow; I wished that Rarity could have connected the dots for Starlight here. Rarity was trying to show that no matter how experienced or great an individual is, there is already room for failure; so why mull over the events that had already transpired? After all, everypony makes mistakes.

There is even an opportunity for the author to consider explaining the moral of how one should move on after the experience, rather than thinking endlessly over one aspect that he/she did not do right, to perturb the individual forever. In fact, this experience may even teach her something that she might be able to apply to her students in the school in the future.

I felt that these would wrap the story up more fruitfully, though the author may very well want to leave Starlight’s concerns unsolved to emphasize how these thoughts would remain forever. I would consider allowing Rarity to continue forth with her chain of thought in the story, but leave Starlight unable to accept the advice and reality proposed. After all, this might prompt Starlight to continue pondering on her ideals, morals and ethics, alongside what she did, forever.

Flow

Notwithstanding what was discussed prior, I have few complaints in this section.

Language

Let’s look at the various small recommendations that I would propose to the author in the following sub-sections –

Awkward Phrasing

“I see.” Rarity nodded. “Yes, hope that even such as they might be unpetrified and redeemed someday, I suppose. Isn’t that just like Twilight.”

“I see.” Rarity nodded. “Yes, hope that they might be unpetrified and redeemed someday, I suppose. Isn’t that just like Twilight.”

“I see.” Rarity nodded. “Yes, hope that even such(,) they might be unpetrified and redeemed someday, I suppose. Isn’t that just like Twilight.”

“I know pointing out somepony else’s failing probably doesn’t change how you feel about what you think was your own, but… umm…”

“I know pointing out somepony else’s failure probably doesn’t change how you feel about what you think was your own, but… umm…”

Word Choice

“Right, they respected us enough to give us that trust…”

“Right, they trusted us enough to give us that responsibility…”

Punctuation

“Yes, hope that even such as they might be unpetrified and redeemed someday, I suppose. Isn’t that just like Twilight.”

“Yes, hope that even such as they might be unpetrified and redeemed someday, I suppose. Isn’t that just like Twilight(?)”

I felt that the flow of the story could be improved by adding commas or semicolons into the appropriate sentences, most notably –

Somehow, on her those lines evoked a sense of wisdom, rather than age.

Somehow, on her(,) those lines evoked a sense of wisdom, rather than age.

Somehow, those lines on her evoked a sense of wisdom, rather than age.

“Not even Celestia can always succeed with every student. Sunset Shimmer, for instance.”

“Not even Celestia can always succeed with every student(;) Sunset Shimmer, for instance.”

Stance

This is a well-written story that I will certainly recommend; why not check it out?

Content/Plot: 8/10
Flow/Communication: 8/10
Language/Readability: 6.5/10
Overall: 7.5/10

To improve, the author could try to integrate a greater depth in the message the story would like to convey to intensify the impact this piece would have on the reader.

Oh yes, before I end - remember, as usual, I am always here to talk about your story.

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Thank you for reviewing! I appreciate the feedback.