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- MLP: FiM
- Adventure
- Thriller
When Book Knight finds a comic book about a hero named Batman, Equestria will have a new superhero.The Rise of the Shadow Knight by Light Heart101 is a story that I seized from the general folder, because I was particularly curious about how this original character could be developed into a superhero that enforces justice in this realm. And I do love an adventure!
Let’s start reading, shall we?
Summary
Wanting to continue his father’s legacy, Book Knight took up and passed royal guard training with flying colours. When summoned to royalty, he rejected Princess Celestia’s offer to become a captain of the guard, choosing instead to become a guardian of justice in Ponyville, to which the princess acquiesced. However, realising that his job was fairly dull, he borrowed a book from Twilight that inspired him to become a Batman of Equestria, to become the Shadow Knight. He went forth boldly to propose his plan to Celestia, who reluctantly agreed due to her sister’s intervention.
Finally, after months of inactivity, his service was required in Canterlot to apprehend an organised group of thieves. With his strategy mapped out, he proceeded to stake them out at Fancy Pants’ high-end jewellery shop. And he caught them, without exposing his identity, to the surprise of the patrolling guards.
Ultimately, Princess Celestia realised that the existence of the Shadow Knight was not without merit in her society and allowed him to carry on with additional funding and assistance.
Content/Plot Analysis
Allow me to focus on the development of Book Knight throughout this story on the aspect of the story’s characterisation as the main character. The story does a decent job bringing together his personality and characteristics. The story brought out his tenacious attitude to achieve his goals through hard work and persistence from his backstory and even showcased how he had the courage would be willing to give up to achieve his goal when he declined Princess Celestia’s offer to become the captain of the guard with Shining Armour. His attitude was clearly depicted throughout the storyline.
However, I felt that the backstory given was perhaps slightly open, as it did not paint a complete picture of Book Knight. I wished that the details and even the history behind the cutie mark could be elaborated upon, but maybe the author left it at that to stimulate speculation. I felt that the backstory behind the cutie mark could help bring across the personality of the pony within for a deeper connection, though.
Now, time to discuss the plot. I felt that the development towards Book Knight’s aspiration to become the Shadow Knight is definitely valid, but the story could have gone further to show the excitement or interest that Book Knight had when he was reading through those comics. When Book Knight was discussing about how awesome Batman was, I felt that the descriptions could be enhanced as they did not inspire a genuine sense of excitement that he would feel when I was reading it. I would recommend revealing or depicting some of the actions that Batman has executed to show his characteristics to Book Knight and relating it to how great Batman was in Book Knight’s eyes. A greater development of the details in this aspect would help elevate the interest that Book Knight had and would convince the reader that this was the spark that triggered Book Knight’s goal.
Next, I found that the meetings between Book Knight and the two royal sisters were aptly described. The dialogue used was logical to show the distrust that Celestia had and the cautious interest displayed by Luna. The discussions between the royal sisters were also appropriate to show how Luna convinced Celestia to accept Book Knight’s request. The body language infused into the dialogue here is fitting and the accompanying thoughts that Book Knight had painted the picture vividly. Additionally, through the conversation, the author took the opportunity to disclose the personality of the original character in the story through his feelings, thoughts and body language. It was also fascinating to note that Celestia’s stubbornness was called out right in front of Book Knight by Luna, as it showed how Celestia must have persisted against Luna’s decision to call on the Shadow Knight until her royal guard was proven to be helplessly incapable. An interesting development to discuss the friction between the sisters here, as they disagreed with each other’s chain of thought, but it did show the different attitudes the sisters had due to the difference in their own respective experiences. Great work!
Alright, time for the heist! The author has done a decent job to explain the chain of events of the heist. For example, the author describes how the thieves had managed to sneak past the building’s security system and how they managed to work together to steal effectively, without being caught…yet. The Shadow Knight stood silently for the perfect moments to strike and to divide and conquer to apprehend his foes in a thoughtful manner reminiscent of his royal guard training.
However, I would like to recommend a few things to spice up the fight scenes, for instance –
In the above quoted text, Shadow Knight was working to apprehend and neutralise a robber, while trying to silence him. I noticed that there are opportunities in this paragraph to include the startled reaction of the foe, perhaps even through his actions through potential hoof-to-hoof combat. Also, the author could also consider describing the Shadow Knight’s emotions when he dispatched the foe in a sharper manner. I would have thought that there was a greater sense of accomplishment felt by Shadow Knight than was described in the story. I attribute this to the style the author decided to execute this aspect, highlighted in bold. Granted, the pace of this part of story should be of a greater tempo to inspire a sense of swiftness in Shadow Knight’s actions, but I was doubting whether or not Shadow Knight’s indifference was justified, especially when he essentially became the superhero he so eagerly wanted to become, for it was the very first time he was taking down genuine crooks. In any case, more emotive language could have been placed in the action scenes to inspire the feelings of the character in the reader’s mind and draw a connection between the reader and the characters within the story.
Finally, let’s talk about the final meeting between Book Knight and the royal sisters. The royal sisters were noticeably complimenting his work to get to the bottom of the heists, but more interesting is the fact that Luna discusses how Batman is a superhero character, who because of his more than troubled past, took up the reins to fight evil to Book Knight. She was obviously concerned that Book Knight might follow his path; to veer away from the path of righteousness. The story then links to Luna’s own past as Nightmare Moon, to show how a change of an individual’s mindset could corrupt their mentality and their actions in the real world. I hence felt that the author proffers this insight by linking it to the characters in the show with relation to the story in question in a great way.
Flow
The overall turn of events made logical sense in my mind, as the links between the paragraphs and chapters were clear and coherent. However, I would like to comment that the pacing of the story, especially concerning the fight scenes during the apprehension of the crooks in the heist could be improved. Consider –
The interruption between the Shadow Knight’s consideration of the usage of the throwing stars and the point during which he actually started throwing them due to his own narration unfortunately made the moment less gripping in my opinion. The descriptions implemented, sandwiched between critical junctures of the execution of the attack, diluted the impact the scene would have on the reader. This, I believe, is due to the fact that the reader would not be able to return back to the scene painted prior to the sandwiched descriptions. In addition, the length of these sandwiched descriptions altered the tempo away from a high intensity fight. While I understand the need of these descriptions from the author’s point of view, I recommend adding these descriptions more succinctly such that, upon tying into the framework of this part, will not affect the construction of the scene in the reader’s mind as significantly. I must admit that this is a difficult balance to strike, to give the reader sufficient context and to inspire the tempo of the fight scenes, but I opine that it can enhance the scene to one that is even better.
Language
In general, the word choice used is decent. The author was able to paint the content aspect of the story with the suitable word choice. The paragraphing, too, is decent in enabling the reader to read through the story seamlessly by breaking the ideas into more digestible chunks.
However, I have discovered a fair number of errors that are scattered throughout this story, most notably;
Spelling
Punctuation
Under this section, I would like to say that the author should use commas more frequently to help split ideas more cogently in a sentence. It helps the reader follow the pacing and flow of the story and can even build suspense when used in specific circumstances. This is because the usage of a comma introduces a pause in the reading of a sentence. For example –
Syntax
Stance
This is a decently pleasant read that ended off on a more reflective note than I expected, but I wished that the development of the action scenes could have been elevated.
Content/Plot: 6.5/10
Flow/Communication: 7/10
Language/Readability: 5.5/10
Overall: 6.3/10
To improve, I believe that the author should allow the pacing of the story to flow more dynamically, such that the actions scenes would be built up in the reader’s mind more vividly. Do check through my individual comments for a more detailed explanation for my reasoning and for potential ways to improve. And as always, I am more than happy to discuss the contents of your story.
Well, this is very eye-opening and is making me take a lot of mental notes for future Shadow Knight stories. I already know that I struggle in the grammar department, and I have a lot more background to elaborate on. I will take this advice in mind for future stories.
However, I feel like there is one thing about your style of reviewing, namely your way of pointing out the grammar problems. You give the sentences that need fixing, but you don't say how to fix them, or even highlight what needs fixing. I did find a misspelled word in one of them, so let me give a small critique on how to proceed in future reviews.
(Should be poor)
Give more than the sentence that went wrong. Highlight what I did wrong and show me how to fix it. I don't suggest using this method for plot analysis or for the story flow unless you feel compelled to give an idea of how to add more detail (I have done this before to give examples.) But to mainly help give pointers for grammar.
Thank you for your analysis on my story, and I will work on improving my writing style.
I apologise if you felt that the language aspect of my review is not clear. And I thank you for giving me recommendations on how to carry my reviews forward.
Spelling
Punctuation
Under this section, I would like to say that the author should use commas more frequently to help split ideas more cogently in a sentence. It helps the reader follow the pacing and flow of the story and can even build suspense when used in specific circumstances. This is because the usage of a comma introduces a pause in the reading of a sentence. For example –
Syntax
I hope this helps!
7251121
Thank you.