EThe Alicorn Limit

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

A few simple questions about Alicorn biology lead Twilight to answers she did not know she needed, or wanted, to hear.

• Twilight
• Celestia
• Luna

Wings of Black Glass · 4.4k words  ·  71  4 · 2.1k views

The Alicorn Limit by Wings of Black Glass is a story with a brilliant cover picture that was simply begging me to check it out. The cover picture is captivating to me, with the usage of mathematical operations to dictate the limits of an alicorn in a strict analytical standpoint appealing to the Twilight in me.

Summary

As Twilight ascended to the level of an alicorn, she was more than curious of she newfound abilities and physiology as an alicorn, leading to the two sisters to spill the beans in complete secrecy. Or at least so they hoped. Ultimately, the two sisters realise that they could not keep their deepest secrets on alicorns a mystery to the general populace, believing that it would be only a matter of time for them to be unearthed. As Twilight left to continue the celebrations, they then considered a proposition to allow alicorns to be born naturally, but the sisters felt that they should enjoy the celebrations while they can; they could always return to the matter at hand another day.

Content/Plot Analysis

Let’s consider the characterisation here. Princess Twilight still retains her bottomless thirst for knowledge in her hunt for answers with the two sisters. I mean, the continual line of questioning executed by her definitely hit the nail on the head there. Princesses Celestia and Luna were also generally in character, with Celestia being calmer and more composed than her sister in dealing with Twilight’s constant queries. This is exemplified in the way in which the sisters used to calm Twilight’s excitement down. This aspect was handled well by the author. Kudos to the author!

Now, moving on with the plot of the story proper. As the sisters revealed the secrets of the abilities and characteristics of an alicorn to Twilight, I somehow felt that I could not observe Twilight’s reaction visibly in my mind as I read through this story. Let’s consider the below –

“No.” This simple one-word answer almost hits Twilight like a brick, and she flinches as her mortality is confirmed. “Perhaps we should clarify.”

The sandwiching of the reaction of Twilight between Princess Luna’s dialogue is not ideal, since the reader is more likely to be interested in the justification or even continuation of Luna’s response than Twilight’s reaction to the Luna’s answer. Perhaps, this could be developed further, with appropriate paragraphing to ensure the pace of the reading, to allow the reader to absorb the emotions behind Twilight reaction to Luna’s single word answer. Then, the author could weave in Luna’s facial expression or body language in response to Twilight’s, to link to why she would think they should clarify.

I wished that the story could have been more development in this, so that the reader would be more enticed to carry on reading for the answers that they, like Twilight, desire and to help instil a greater sense of connection between the reader and the characters in the story. This would even help bring out the morals the story wants to bring up.

This brings me to the next point I would like to discuss. I can sense that this story would like to communicate many morals of life to me, yet I could not keep a grasp of them in good detail. I felt that the morals could be more developed and be explained in a more succinct and clear manner through their conversations. More explanation throughout the dialogue would help solidify the links between each moral in the story. Ideas were insightful, for instance, bolded in the following excerpt;

“However, it is not just a spell. There is so much more to it. To be an Alicorn is to be one of the few special ponies, one who guides and leads with wisdom and grace and strength. One who has earned this right. We are not special because we are Alicorns, we are Alicorns because we are special.”

“You said it yourself, throughout the centuries the few who became Alicorns have been some of the most influential to our history and culture. Some, we ascended ourselves. A few discovered the secret on their own, without any influence from us.”

“A small number of powerful wizards, I don’t doubt, knew the spell and chose not to make the transformation of their own accord. I can only guess as to why they would make that decision. It’s possible they figured out how little they would gain and decided it wasn’t worth the effort.”

…

“The three races of pony have thousands of years of history and culture. If we were to reveal that everypony could become an Alicorn, can you imagine the chaos?”

“It would create an artificial fourth pony race, one which might see itself as superior to the others…”

However, I felt that the overall structure of the writing in the story was not ideal in developing each individual moral sufficiently to be reinforced in my mind. Perhaps the development that went into each idea was slightly rushed, especially when approaching the end of the story. I think the best way to explain myself is by using the example above. The bolded point above implies that alicorns are unique because of who they are as a pony, in terms of their leadership potential, and so on, not because of the simple fact that they were chosen to be elevated to be alicorns. However, the leading explanation given states that the right to be transformed to an alicorn must be earned. How is this right earned exactly? If the individual ponies could decide on whether or not to transform themselves into alicorns, such as Celestia and Luna as implied, why did they feel that it was worthwhile for them to transform? I think a stronger explanation here would drive the message home in the reader’s mind. Twilight could be given a chance to interject here to inquire further on the sisters’ justification.

Another tool I believe the author could employ in this aspect is to introduce Twilight’s thoughts behind what the sisters were trying to communicate to her, or even her feelings. It slows the pace of the dialogue down, allowing the reader time to digest the implications and the logical connection behind the words of the sisters. Paragraphing and splitting ideas into simpler chunks in the sisters’ dialogue could help too.

Before I head on to the next section, I would like to ponder about why Celestia believes that having naturally born alicorns would be a good idea especially when the secret that the fellow alicorns hold is compromised. Would this not lead to the disharmony that the realm faced historically, as stated by the sisters themselves? And to avoid this, the leaders must justify that the four groups of ponies are equal in their talents, but it is difficult to explain how alicorns would be equal to the other groups of ponies in question, since they would share their characteristics and even abilities. Surely Luna would have seen the flaw in Celestia’s plan?

Flow

Notwithstanding what was discussed prior, the conversation between the sisters and Twilight was generally smooth and logical, though the flow was slightly hampered by punctuational and syntax errors, discussed in the next section.

Language

Errors were generally uncommon, though there are a few recommendations I would like to propose to the author, such as

Here, I would like to comment on the usage of the appropriate conjunctions or linking phrases to help bridge ideas in the author’s writing, namely –

Celestia gestures for her to join them, Luna patiently wait in silence.

Celestia laughs aloud, not even this stops Twilight.

The following statements could benefit from the addition of commas to structure the sentence more aptly and separate ideas for the reader to understand their significance more easily.

Just as she puts her rear hooves down she lands on the hem of her dress, pulling sharply on her wings and sending her plummeting face first into the grass.

Once Twilight has straightened out and then folded her wings they all sit down on the cushions surrounding the table to talk.

Once she is out of earshot Celestia lets out a heavy sigh.

In addition, the word choice was decent, though it can be diversified and enhanced, in my opinion.

Stance

This is a read that tingles the curiosity in me, with many interesting, insightful ideas, but I wished that it would really bring out the messages it would like to convey to the reader in a more explicit and effective tone.

Content/Plot: 5.5/10
Flow/Communication: 6/10
Language/Readability: 6/10
Overall: 5.8/10

To improve, the author should consider concentrating the development of the morals the story would like to convey and present them with more clarity. The usage of linking phrases and paragraphing would help significantly in this regard to fix the pace to allow the reader to digest the meaning behind the words. This would help to elevate the message the story would like to portray to the reader in a more effective manner.

Good work fellow reviewer :D