TThe Shroomlock Holmes of Monster Mares

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Mystery

A monster mare mystery story. Featuring a pony that's a mushroom.

• Sex
• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• OC

Amereep · 8k words  ·  20  1 · 555 views

Summary of StoryThings are not always what they seem to be. Take for example, monster mares; they can look like beasts ready to gobble you up, but they can be sweet, caring, and appealing. This lesson will be key when Truffles, the mushroom mare, is given a case where she must figure out who among five characters is a thief. Is it the Harpy, the Frog, the Salamander, the Piñata, or The Princess of Friendship?

This is meant to be a story similar to one you may see with 'hard-boiled' detectives, but it's meant to be a lot more lighthearted, humorous, ........and have a lot of monster mares.

Introduction section: Hello everyone. Not much to say here this time. I've been doing some writings and scribbles off the site, but really none of that matters. Let's get to the thing you actually care about. The review.

Initial thoughts: A detective story with light hearted and humor mixed in? It's not really that common. Usually detective stories are taken very seriously. I admire this story for doing something a bit different. It makes the old telling of the mystery in itself far more engaging. The characters were beyond adorable, and I wouldn't mind seeing more of them. I admit the past tense was quite a bit distracting at certain times throughout the story, but for the narrative purpose it serves, it pulls it off well enough.
8/10

What I liked: The characters. Everyone here has a role, and they fill it well. Our main character is also cute. I might mention this a lot, and the cover art really does help sell this story. I also like the atmosphere, and the fluff.

What I didn't like: The past tense, how it was written in a text that was VERY hard for me to read without enlarging my screen. This is definetly something that hurts this story, and makes most just probably skip over it due to frustration, or have the audio read it, and Fimfiction's audio bot is very ROBOTIC. that you miss a lot of what makes this story good.

Grammar: I didn't see anything that stood out to be. I'm sure there might be something there if you are EXTREMELY picky, but I'm giving this a solid A+. 10/10

Characterization: The characters here, really make this story unique. I don't think you could take them out and have the same kind of story, style, and charm. Well done. 10/10

Story/Concept: The concept here has been used before, and using monster mares to tell the story, almost feels like the author was trying to be unique, and to make it it's own thing. I think it's succeeds, but not everyone is as emotional as I am, so some readers might find this a bit "dull" at certain points. Mainly, I think the past tense is the weakest part of this story. It's not bad, it's just frustrating to get through, and it shows. 6/10

Overall thoughts: I really liked the idea of this story. Monster mares, a mystery, and some cute light hearted moments full of charm and a unique cast of characters. However, this story isn't perfect. It has flaws. Not so many that I didn't enjoy it, but I admit to being frustrated with this, and having to reread it a second time to fully grasp how to review it. I don't really know why, but I don't see why the past tense had to be in some weird text, it's annoying. Overall, the story was good, cute, and charming, but left me with a pounding headache at certain parts. 7/10

NEW SECTION:
Headpat worthy: No
Boop worthy: Yes. Good solid story, with some bumps along the way.
Meh!: No
Cringe Level: No

Final score: 8+10+10+6+7=41/50
8.2/10

To the author: Keep writing and stay awesome. I hope my feedback here is helpful, and if you have any questions just ask! I promise I don't bite.

7210676
Thank you for the review. Taking your words into account and reflecting over the story again, I can see what you mean with the past tense issues as it's pretty much all over the place. I was trying to give a Noir vibe when I wrote this, and that might be the reason why.

I thought the best way to approach a mystery was for the reader to fill in the lead role while the story plays itself out. But Noir often have narrations from the lead role like they're telling something that happened 20 years ago, so typing in a unique font might indicate when to expect that. Of course, this is a mystery, there's going to be a lot of recalling moments. Even still, I found spots here and there that I could've worded differently to get this issue in order.

The concept here has been used before, and using monster mares to tell the story, almost feels like the author was trying to be unique, and to make it it's own thing.

Indeed I was.

At the time, I was trying to stand out from other monster mare stories. Most of what I saw was the 'first contact' concept of a particular monster as we learn about their wild life. I was thinking, 'Why just one? And what is this, an Animal Planet special? Let's have a couple, make them go on some kind of adventure'. The mystery aspect came about because a one-on-one talk would help us learn about the monsters, and sense they're all unique with their own skills and powers, placing them in a situation where their natural abilities are brought into question seemed like the best direction. The best part about it, I could give them anything I want and no one could argue with me because they're not natural.

Again, thank you for your review. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the characters as I was shooting for simple and identifiable. I tend to find monster (mares/girls/guys/whatever) are best used for comedic and appealing (from adorable to seductive) purposes, so I also tried to keep that in mind when writing them. I have a sequel already done if you're interested to read more, and there are a few that are on the back burner, but I'm not striving to finishing those for the time being.