EAngel Bunny, the Sad Demon.

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad
• Tragedy

Why is Angel bunny so mean? Well, he just doesn’t want anyone to like him.

• Fluttershy
• Angel
• Timberwolves

Hotel_Chicken · 3.3k words  ·  33  6 · 892 views

I’ll admit it, I’m a sucker for stories about background ponies. Especially those that give a history to them, and add another chapter to an already very full story book. This one’s no exception.

This story seeks to explain why Angel Bunny is the way he is, and hints that there’s more beneath the surface. It gives a new depth to the character that I haven’t seen done before, explaining that his deep hatred is based on a tragic past laced with conflict and struggles. The story is aimed to make the readers feel sympathy and pity for a character that they otherwise may not feel for or care about.

Overall, I enjoyed it. It was a fun, easy read that lets the reader take a peek underneath the mask of toughness and anger that Angel wears. Now that being said, I don’t think the tags for the story itself match this.

Let me explain. The story is tagged as ‘drama,’ ‘sad,’ and ‘tragedy.’ And there are aspects of that in there, but most of it is not explicit. I think a big part of the drama and tragedy lie in the backstory of Angel, as the author explains certain points of Angel’s past.

This might be a case of ‘show don’t tell,’ because quite frankly I think there’s a lot to unpack here. Angel’s disputes with his family for example are identified as a primary reason for his deep seated anger, but this point is brought up casually in the early paragraphs and not really brought up again.

I think the scene would be more powerful if we got a scene of Angel running through the forest, desperately searching for his family and calling for help, finally finding them only to be ridiculed and abandoned again. A scene when he finally realizes that he is alone.

In addition to that, I think that the author does use suspense well in this story, but it could be utilized to a further extent. There are quite a few moments where the author builds for a few paragraphs, only to end the suspense with a general sentence or a very abrupt action.

Granted, that suspense scenes do often end at a very abrupt point, but this method is most effective when a good deal has been placed in the buildup. It’s hard to have a good impact if you didn’t get enough speed first… if that makes sense.

There aren’t all that many characters in this story. Specifically, there’s Angel, Fluttershy, Harry, a timberwolf, and Jimmy the squirrel. Angel doesn’t reveal himself through dialogue, in fact he doesn’t have any spoken lines in the entire story. And this is fine, since he is a loner after all. Plus the fact that he isn't really considered sentient so there wouldn't be a reason for him to talk.

I think that the author definitely does a fine job revealing information about the characters through their actions and not their speeches. Writing characters who don't talk is one of the harder things to do, as speaking is such an established aspect of writing in general.

Development wise, I think it’s definitely there. Angel obviously has a lot more depth here and it’s explained and justified pretty neatly. His rationale for rejecting friendship is, although maybe a little extreme, understandable based on what he’s been through.

The other characters don’t have much screen (page?) time, and as such don’t have much development. Which is fine, because the story isn’t about them. It’s about Angel.

A few typos and grammatical errors here and there, case in point I think at one point Angel's name was misspelled as "Angle Bunny." The author might want to seek the assistance of an editor to help catch everything, or just give the story another editing run.

The one thing I do think I should address is sentence structure. The story is primarily made up of long sentences connected by commas. Which is grammatically sound, but it gets kind of winded after a while. In my notes I did point out a few specific instances where I think the sentence could actually be split into two sentences. This lets the reader take a ‘breath’ when reading and also helps so the story doesn’t feel like it’s rambling.

The last thing I will say is that there is a bit of repetition. For this, I’ll refer to this part: “But it was alright, he didn’t need them. He didn’t need anyone. Angel Bunny was a proud loner who could take care of himself. He didn’t need anybody but he, himself, and him alone.”

All in all, this feels like a rather light story given the tags. As I read through it, I was almost sure it was a slice of life and was kind of surprised to see that it wasn’t. I still found to be a light, easy read that made me consider a minor character in the franchise and wonder what drives them.

If you're looking for a short read about a minor character that explores their history and motivations, or if you really like Angel Bunny, then I'd recommend this fic to you.

Good work plot wise and development wise. The fact that you were able to a story without using much dialogue is impressive and for sure something to be proud of. The only thing I would say is to give the work another editing run to fix some typos and grammar errors. I think you should definitely put more emphasis on some of the emotional aspects of the work to make the reader sympathize with Angel and feel more. Great work!

I do have my reading notes for your fic, if you would like to see them let me know.

Plot: 8/10
Characterization: 9/10
Grammar: 7/10

Average: 8/10