Escribble

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Tragedy

Daring Do works alone. The grave on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres is the reason why.

• Braeburn
• Daring Do

The Red Parade · 4.7k words  ·  40  6 · 862 views

Summary: On the edge of Sweet Apple Acres lies a grave, marked with a wooden cross. Nopony knows who it belongs to. And for Daring Do, that’s a problem. One that she intends to solve. But how can you make the world remember someone that time forgot?

Initial thoughts: A mysterious grave, Daring Do, and a tragedy. I was expecting this to make me cry, I don't know if I've gotten more control of my emotions, but I didn't cry. I could feel the emotion within the piece, but yet it felt composed. If I had to say one thing right now it's that TheRedFox understands how to convey feelings and emotions in a short amount of time, and that is no easy feat. Color me impressed. 8/10

What I liked: I liked that Daring Do is shown as vulerable, so often she's seen as "perfect" or just another "indiana" jones, but we have to remember every good character has flaws. No character is perfect. And the fact she was able to bond with another pony shows us a side of Daring Do, we don't really see in the show. The emotions of the piece are well handled, and conveyed well.

What I didn't like: The thing that makes Braeburn disappear is never fully explained, granted the focus isn't on that, but how remembering him is important, but it still would've made it feel more whole? Overall, I can't complain a whole lot. Though I wish AJ had more of a role here rather than Big Mac but I understand the writer's decision.

Grammar: Pretty good. There are a few spots that could be improved upon, but nothing major. 8/10

Characterzation: Daring Do is the focus here and it shows. She is shown as a pony with great strength and cunning, but even Daring Do isn't perfect and has flaws, and throughout the piece this is shown with how she feels. Braeburn feels wholesome and solid, however I don't think he'd just be okay with disappearing. I find that a bit out of character for him. What we see of Braeburn is he's dedicated to Appleplooza and wanting to show his cousins that he can lead with pride, so for him to be okay with just not existing, doesn't mesh well with me. 7/10.

Story/Concept: This idea has been done before, using death to tell a story, and letting us know about the character and how their life has helped shaped others. However, I never felt bored or that it was repetitive, it has just enough going for it to be it's own thing, and that is something to be proud of. 8/10

Overall thoughts: I admit I am not a fan of sad stories, because I don't like to cry! However I can see how pieces like this can be wholesome and heartwarming, despite how sad and tragic they might be. I think TheRedFox did a really good job with this story, and I'm eager to see more from him. However I noticed on his page this might be his last story. And that makes me CRY. Why? *deep breath* 8/10

Final score: 8+8+7+8+8/5=32.6
Equals: 8/10

To TheRedFox- I hope my feedback has been helpful, if you have any questions, comments or concerns let me know!

7028828
Thank you!

Definitely helpful, you've given me stuff to consider. As far as writing more works goes, I only plan to write if I feel like it, and most of it will probably be one shot sad stories like this one.