TSunburst to the Rescue

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

Twilight's met her match, a tome so dense and arcane that even her considerable intellect couldn't penetrate it. Just before she gave up in a tizzy, Starlight suggested a pony that could help; a good friend, Sunburst.

• Twilight
• Sunburst

David Silver · 129k words  ·  107  17 · 2.5k views

Summary: Twilight's met her match, a tome so dense and arcane that even her considerable intellect couldn't penetrate it. Just before she gave up in a tizzy, Starlight suggested a pony that could help; a good friend, Sunburst.

Initial thoughts: TwiBurst? Yay! I was intrigued to read another story by David Silver since I really liked "a big hug" despite being able to tell it was a paid to write thing, so when I saw this in my folder I was excited, and giddly. And I do like it....but there are some problems. Which I will go into! However overall it's a good slow burn romance, and it can drag a lot in the later half, like after you hit that 60k mark it just goes ALL over the place and doesn't focus as much on the book the two were reading but it's not terrible but it's not like a masterpiece either. It's just a good read. 7/10

Characterization: For what we get of Sunburst and Twilight, I feel we could've spent MORE time with them. We do run into other characters throughout the story, and often it seems more distracting then helpful. Though I can understand the decision here to not want to bore the readers with only Twilight and Sunburst, but some will come here just for that. I like how "nerdy" Twilight and Sunburst are with each other, and throughout the tale the two lean on each other, through their faults and their strengths. And they'd make cute foals together. 8/10

Grammar: There was A LOT of typos that were addressed within the comments. I suppose this happens when you are so busy writing, you are bound to miss stuff. However since it's been out a long while now, all these issues are fixed, but I can't say it's flawless. Another proofing might be helpful. 710.

Overall thoughts: *clears throat* I did LIKE this story, however there are problems with it. First off, some won't like how about mid book the focus shifts a bit from it's original story of Twilight and Sunburst being nerds and trying to figure out the puzzle of the book and how to help other unicorns like Sunburst with their magic. I do like the romance myself, but some will be turned off by how LONG it takes for them to actually get together. Others will think it's a bit rushed. It all depends on the individual and their views, how I never felt the romance distracted from the story itself. (I honestly wanted more fluff!) And the story itself. Well...like I said often we have "arc's" that aren't focused on Twilight and Sunburst, and did we really need that? Or was this just to fill a word count? I'm sorry Silver, but again the biggest flaw I see is that this is a "paid to write" work, and it shows. It's not bad. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the story. However, it gets a bit boring in the later half of the story, and I had difficulty finishing it, and I like the ship! 6/10

Final score: 7/10
Readable, good slow burn romance with nerds, but can feel like it drags at times. If you have any questions, comments or concerns, or just want to talk let me know! I hope you've enjoyed this review. And honestly I'm surprised it wasn't as long as I thought it would be.

7025872
I like this review, informative and well done Nailah

Though, your scoring is confusing again, you have 7/10 8/10 7/10 (though you wrote 710 ) and 6/10, the final score should be not 6.5/10

7025872
You seem extremely focused on being paid. The commissioner was annoyed about half of the things you were, and were the one that nudged me back onto Twiburst. Also... grammar, seriously? You are literally lowering the grade because the story used to have typos? How...? I'm legit baffled.

This aside, no, I didn't feel the time was 'wasted'. All of hose side trails all came back together in the end. This is MLP, the friendships made along the way led towards the happy ending. How they got along during the good and bad was important for showing this wasn't just a flakey fake-romance that would dissolve the moment the camera was taken off of them. They both faced life together and survived and thrived, together, and became something more than they started through it.

Or so I was trying to show. Perhaps I failed. Oh well.