The Bricklayer Reviews: Culture Box/Veggie Mesh - My Little Reviews & Feedback

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The Bricklayer #1 · Sep 5th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Quite honestly… Comedy’s really hit or miss. Especially random comedy. Now, I confess that isn’t exactly my forte, so reviewing this story was… difficult. Actually, in all honesty, I hesitate to even call this a story. It feels more like a rough outline of a piece than a single story, honestly.

I mean, the basic premise is just Twilight and some random human with little to no backstory -beyond the standard average joe getting dropped in Equestria- fixing a TV set, and then allowing Equestria to see it.

It is… well, no other words for it, absolutely dull.

And there are other problems as well. Chrysalis is suddenly an ally of the ponies, for no reason beyond a treaty was signed. I mean… I get the feeling this was a rough draft proposed soon after Chrysalis was introduced and only now just put up on the site. It doesn't even feel like a complete piece. Just some words.

2/10

Now, this next piece, Veggie Mesh, was thankfully, a lot funnier. Like seriously, everyone bounced off each other so well, it felt natural.

Mind you, I do have a few nitpicks here and there, as at times it felt like it was really hard to tell who was speaking, as shown below.

Button fights his way out of the tight sweater and clumsily falls before fellow students Twilight and Rarity.
"It'll work wonders, Twilight. I assure you. Am I right?"
"Um.......it's a little itchy." Button grunts.
"But FASHIONABLE!"
"There's a much better way around your dilemma." Twilight states.
"Which would be......?"
"With HYPNOSIS."
"Hypnosis? Is that even still a thing?"
"Of course it is, I've dabbled a bit in it. As a joke, I hypnotized Rarity into removing her shoes when anyone mentioned brie cheese."

Also, there were some jokes that feel flat on their face like the tambourine bit. Like, I don’t even know how that happened.

All in all, this story has some good points, and some bad points. It’s entertaining yes, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to keep you sustained and coming back for more.

6.5

EVeggie Mesh