ERaponezel: A Taste of Freedom

• MLP: FiM

Living at the top of a secluded tower is a beautiful pink pony with an extremely long mane. She waits forlornly, her pet baby alligator by her side, for her mother to return...

• Crossover
• Fluttershy
• Pinkie
• Angel
• Gummy

Tranquil Serenity · 3k words  ·  22  1 · 810 views

Summary:
This story is a ponified scene from Rapunzel. Raponezel, here represented by Pinky, sits in the tower and a stranger, represented by Fluttershy, shows up.

Well, the way this is written seems fitting and feels like a good MLP crossover. There are no major flaws from the content or flow brakers or so, just, the main idea and storyarc is a bit short. It feels a bit more like a chapter of a several chapter long story actually. Though, what happens in it, and how it happens make sense in mlp-rapunzel limits and is a nicely short read.

Pros:
Good job on ponifieing the story and the words.
Also the names sound fitting.
Overall the actions and main event are descripted good and feels alright, as well from the Rapunzel part as from the MLP part.

Cons:
The Story is more or less only one scene, that while well written itself, seems to need a story around it.

Rating:
Ponyfing the content: 9/10 Seems good to me.
Story Idea : 6.5/10 The little bit we have here is good, just it is very little in general.
Entertainment factor: 6.0/10 Well the story don't have tags like Adventure or Slice of life, or comedy so a bit hard to judge. Though, I go with a general rating of enjoyment of the story.

7,2/10

A litte bit Feedback:
My suggestion would be to turn this into a multiply chapter story and add some comedy or Slice of Life to it. Like spice to a dish. The writing is good, just a bit mroe substance would have been even better.

Thank you for your review. I appreciate the time and effort it took you to write it.