A new month is upon us, at least in this time zone, so it's Flashfic 150 time once more. I'll be off at a convention from the 11th to the 14th of this month, so if there are any queries I might be a little tardy in replying. (You could always try my Twitter, I guess.) Still, hopefully that won't be necessary. I'll be back from the con well in time for the closing date of this month's contest, so I will also be able to judge things in my (thankfully) inimitable style.

This is the final time that FF150 will run while new episodes of FiM are still coming out (in the US, at least). As with previous months, you can use characters, locations etc that are introduced in those episodes, but not before they've aired on Discovery Family. Since the final episodes will be shown on 12th October, that means you'll still have over a week to post if you want to use stuff from the finale.

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page. And no, you can't put it there yourself. Such is the almighty power of the Group Admin. Who is me. Me! ME! Mwahahaha etc.

Prompt: "Sundown" (selected by last month's winner, paperhearts)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Monday 21st October 2019, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

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Alright ya contradicting hashtag. It's sundown, and I see'n that yer still here.

The winner's spot ain't big enough for the two of us, so I reckon I'm gonna have to put ya down.

............WRITE!

"YOU'RE ENDING DARING DO!?!?!?!?!"

"I can't keep up these adventures forever, Dash. I'm getting old, my adventuring days are fast approaching to an end."

"But you can't end it! What if you wrote about made up adventures like.....like.....like Daring Do teaming up with a tie wearing gorilla!"

"Dash, it's over."

"This is a nightmare. Daring Do can't end."

"The story will never end, Dash. Not as long as there are dedicated fans to keep it alive."

"It won't be the same. It'll just be a bunch of crummy ripoffs and fanfics."

"And that's the beauty of it, new blood will be taking the helm and make it work better than it is now. As long as the spirit is there, there will always be a story to tell about Daring Do."

"Will it really?"

"Eventually. After a sunset, there will always be darkness before the sunrises again with newfound ambition."

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"Happy Birthday, my brilliant student."

Sunset couldn't help but bow her head instinctively. "Thank you, Princess Celestia. But I'm not sure I understand your gift. It's a... pillow?"

The alicorn nodded with a knowing smile. "A pillow, my student. But with a very special inside. Philomena recently molted, leaving behind the feathers I used to fill the pillow."

Pressing her hand to it, Sunset's eyes went wide. Then she brought the pillow to her cheek. "It's... warm." A smile played over her lips. "Like it's been out in the summer sun."

Celestia leaned in to rest her head against her wayward student's. "The down of a phoenix to remind you of your teacher's sun. And a reminder that the homeland that sun shines upon will always welcome you back."

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I had to fight to make this piece right. 150 words ain't much, but it does the trick. I more into this for the simple fact that reviews are more direct and I learn better from it.

Since this is spooky season, I decided to do one that leaves the reader unnerved. However, due to my writing skills, it may not deliver the thought well.

The fire blazed as Snowshoes fed it another stick.

“Careful, we don’t want to smother it.” Arctic Arrow warned. He looked to the sun dipping below the mountains. “You think we got enough to make it through the night?”

“It’ll be a close one.” Snowshoe answered. “Trouble is that it is hard to find dry wood after the storm.”

As soon as the sun disappeared, a cold feeling enveloped them. The temperature dropped sharply. That only meant one thing.

They were near.

Arctic Arrow levitated his bow and nocked an arrow in the groove. “How far are they?” he asked.

Snowshoe closed his eyes and as his horn glowed. “Fifty meters, give or take.” he answered.

“Closer than yesterday.” Arctic scanned the nearby trees.

A tartaric growl thundered through the trees.

“I take that back.” Snowshoe gulped. “Thirty meters.”

“Well… hope I hit it.” Arctic pulled his bowstring back.

Hm, I am considering how to approach this; I just haven't thought of anything yet. Still working on it.

Little update, everyone! You have just under 72 hours left if you want to enter this month!

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I haven't written anything in forever. And this came out to 149 words first try, and 150 after a few tweaks, so I guess I'm keeping it...

She blinked, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Everything was so stiff! Why was she in front of a mirror?

Then she was shoved forward, and everything changed. It was daylight now, and she seemed to be on a school lawn? She wasn't even sure what the creatures around were.

No matter. She could make friends. She would make some friends, then they would all pay.

There, the girl nearby in the leather jacket. She would do. She screwed up her face and ran over.

"Excuse me? I'm vewry sorry. I've gotten totally lost, and I don't know where I am! Can you help me?"

The girl frowned, and crossed her arms. "I've been told all about you, Cosy Glow. If you want to not go back to being a statue, you'll come with me and do what I say."

She pouted.

"Phooey".

--Sweetie Belle

Darn. Much as it pains me, I fear I must bow out this time. Inspiration has been even more uncooperative than usual.

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Yet another "experimental" piece.

Solitude.

Slow, contented breaths.

Chill breeze on the nose.

The scent of apples.

A barking dog.

Pricks by grassy stems.

The warmth of a retired sun fading from the fur and ears and eyelids.

Cacophonous hush of leaves in a gust of wind.

Soft, heavy thuds from fruit falling to Earth.

Distant laughter.

Vibrant plumes of orange surrounding ribbons of vermillion-streaked clouds low behind the boughs. Indigo fields overhead.

A crawling insect.

Singing insects all about.

The deceptively sweet odor of fermenting, rotting fruit.

Pressure of the tail curled tightly.

A shiver down the spine.

Pinpricks of light in the deepening sky.

A call to supper.

Sore joints, stiff limbs. A tug behind the ear.

Shake.

Crunching steps.

Most of a constellation.

Mommy and Pappy's tree.

Many, many more trees.

Home.

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I'm a little late with the notice today, but time's up, everyone! Five entries this month. In the usual way, I'll take a couple of days to think about these before deciding.

Feedback is open!

KwirkyJ thinks!

These were all so good!

I am of two minds: that I am sad about the number of critical notes I hurl at all of these, and that I am delighted that I really get to pick apart interesting details in the stories instead of very high- or very low-level concerns.

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So long for now

First, feel bad for not using Title Case for your story's title. So Long for Now.

The use of color styling to differentiate the speakers works, but is unnecessary. Some might view it as a gimmick or distraction, others interpret it as sound artistic decision.

Daring's last line diminishes the take-away, because of how it is presented. (And fix the typo: sunrises is plural noun, sun rises is subject-verb.) To start, there is no guarantee that the Daring Do series would be adopted by anyone, so her 'eventually' is at best hopeful thinking. A darkness after a sunset is -- as established in the world and in common with our own -- a given. This is trying to play off of 'darkest before the dawn' but botches the analogy.

Dash's string of interrobangs is excessive. Daring's first line is repetitive and could be tidied to be more effective.

That being said, the heart of this one works, and the speech fits the speakers. Dash's comparisons are blunt but effective, she stumbles as her brain searches for the thoughts, she is flying off the handle as she does, and it takes a few hits to change her course. Daring comes across as wiser and resigned, yet determined in calming Dash.

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To Rest Your Weary Head

There is so much to like about this one.

Sunset couldn't help but bow her head instinctively.

There is so much characterization for both sides packed into the one line. Yes.

It's a... pillow?

The use of punctuation here has an odd effect, and maybe not what you intended. It seems as though Sunset is unsure what the gift actually is, as opposed to what it means, which is at odds with her preceding line. My suggestion would be to either "It's... a pillow." or "It's a pillow?"; to me, at least, these suggest that she is emphasizing her uncertainty or seeking additional context, respectively.

The alicorn nodded

Just call her Celestia.

But with a very special inside.

As 'inside' is not commonly used as a noun, it may not be immediately apparent that this is not an editing error. 'Filling' or 'stuffing' might be better choices. Beginning a sentence with a contraction is generally frowned upon, but this is happening in speech so much leeway is given -- peopleponies frequently begin sentences with contractions while talking.

The fact-checker in me wants to argue that no, phoenixes don't do this molting thing, but the rest of me wants to roll with it. The story relies on this, besides.

Pressing her hand to it, Sunset's eyes went wide. Then she brought the pillow to her cheek. "It's... warm." A smile played over her lips. "Like it's been out in the summer sun."

Here, the ellipsis works in your favor, further emphasizing her surprise and astonishment. The description of her actions up to 'cheek' feels blunt, but certainly conveys what's going on effectively.

Celestia leaned in to rest her head against her wayward student's.

Two things here... The use of 'wayward' here would seem to contradict Celestia calling her 'my brilliant student'. There's a lot going on with this, and it also ties into the entire setting of the story, so things get complicated very quickly. Under what circumstances is Sunset parting? This seems very amicable on both sides; that Sunset's departure coincides with her birthday is either a great fluke of chance or suggests that they have been contemplating this parting for some time. So many interesting ideas, and it's sad that they aren't able to be explored here.

I said two things, so here's the second: So... Celestia and Sunset are lying down with one another in such a way that Celestia can lay her head down against somewhere on Sunset's body? I feel like eye contact would be important to Celestia as she says this, and the physical position my imagination creates doesn't seem very conducive to that.

"And a reminder that the homeland that sun shines upon will always welcome you back"

Another ending line that holds itself back. Yes, the sun shines on the homeland. Yes, Sunset will always be welcome. But is it the homeland that would welcome her, or her teacher? This could be phrased the way it is because of the word ceiling, but there's so much else that works well that this stands out as deserving attention.

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This did read as 'creepy', so objective achieved!

Careful, we don’t want to smother it.

To be proper about it, you need to change the comma to a period or another kind of hard-ish separator (semicolon, en- or em-dash). As-is, it's a comma-splice.
Also, 'the fire blazed' might be at odds with the warning, depending on the interpretation: a) the fire is hot, bright, and generally blazing, or b) the stick is catching, adding a comparative, short-lived blaze of light to an otherwise minimal, guttering fire. The former reads more consistent with the setting, but means that the warning is said foolishly. 'We don't want to smother it' could be removed entirely, and/or reworked with the more meaningful concern of having enough fuel -- his second line.

Trouble is that it is hard to find dry wood after the storm.

This could be tightened in several ways, if word count is an issue.

As soon as the sun disappeared, a cold feeling enveloped them. The temperature dropped sharply. That only meant one thing.

That the sun went down?

They were near.

Or that.
Point being, the exposition here does a poor job of connecting the chill with the them and not the sun and its radiant heat.

“How far are they?” he asked.

The use of the question mark and 'he asked' is redundant. General form is either of '"How far are they," he asked.' or '"How far are they?" he said.' or just '"How far are they?"'

“Fifty meters, give or take.” he answered.

Similar to the above, the period should be replaced with a comma: '"...give or take," he answered.' However, as with the above, you can drop the 'he <spoke>' entirely. The identity of the speaker is clear.

“I take that back.” Snowshoe gulped. “Thirty meters.”

Here the punctuation is correct. One cannot very well 'gulp' speech. Contrast with the above two notes.

“Well… hope I hit it.” Arctic pulled his bowstring back.

And again an ending line that fouls things up. What is the point of the fire, then -- spotting light? He's referring to 'it' in the singular, when 'they' are near... odd. What happens if he hits it/one of them -- will it/others attack, or flee? How many arrows does he have, and why would he risk wasting any by shooting at a thing that he cannot see? Is he going to just stay awake forever until they escape the things' haunt -- moving during the day, defending during the night?

This works up until the very end, which I'm guessing was an attempt at dramatic cliffhanger and wasn't entirely thought through.

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A Glowing Review
🎵For the first time in forever...

This relies so very much on knowing who these characters are, where they are, and other contextual setting information. As fan fiction, that's to be expected to a degree, but treating it as stand-alone makes it on the edge of confusing.

The important bits that the uninitiated can take away from this:
A manipulative former-statue person with a vendetta emerges in a new and alien word in the presence of a tough-girl who, by virtue of foreknowledge, shuts down the first attempt at a ploy to curry favor by virtue.
So clearly there's the start of something here, but that's really all it is.

I also want to point out this little chunk of plutonium:

If you want to not go back to being a statue

It is perfectly well constructed, and definitely a thing that someone might say, but it is a lot to unpack at once, for the reader, let alone a listener in real time. They get away with it because they don't actually listen to all the words and filter it to "if... want... not... statue", but look at it, piece-by-piece, and let's do it backwards because it actually makes more sense when building it up that way:
Being a statue.
Go back to being a statue
Not go back to being a statue
Want to not go back to being a statue
If (you) want to not go back to being a statue then I'm sorry can you repeat that I was trying to work out everything you just said.

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"Goodnight, Orchard"

This is an attempt at selling a setting in a poetic form. There are zero complete sentences -- they are all predicate phrases or nouns.

The fragments all suggest the idea of Sweet Apple Acres, but how well it comes together to convey the intended experience will vary immensely depending on the reader's engagement.

Dickens did better with London, but he also a) was one of the best writers to live and 2) had many more words to work with.

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Thank you, everyone! Skim down this post to see my choice as the winner. I don't usually do my own feedback -- but just for once, to mark the end of the show, I'll break that habit. Also because there weren't so many entries that it would make this post stupidly long!

Amereep: I like the premise and its parallels with the end of FiM; okay, it's obvious, but I still think it's effective. Although I don't personally enjoy reading coloured text, I didn't take that into account when judging. I do think the final line could be sharpened up a bit, though. Something like "Eventually. After the sunset comes darkness. And then the sunrise."

TCC56: I agree with KwirkyJ's comment about "Sunset couldn't help but bow her head instinctively" being a fine line. I also agree about "The alicorn" -- although I think "The princess" would be a reasonable option if you don't want to use "Celestia". That's because we've heard Celestia referred to as such many times in the show itself, whereas "the alicorn" we haven't. As far as the ending goes, perhaps something like "And a reminder that the Sun will always be here to welcome you" might work?

PinoyPony: I like the setup here, and I'd be interested to know more about these characters and what's happening. The downside is that I don't. It's hard to set up OCs in 150 words, to say the least, since readers don't have the background knowledge they do about the likes of Twilight or Luna. I do have one minor quibble with KwirkyJ's otherwise very handy feedback on this story:

The use of the question mark and 'he asked' is redundant. General form is either of '"How far are they," he asked.' or '"How far are they?" he said.' or just '"How far are they?"'

I disagree with this. "How far are they?" is a question, and it remains a question no matter whether you follow it with "he said" or "he asked". It needs the question mark either way.

SweetAl Belle: I like that it's Sunset who Cozy Glow first meets; that seems rather fitting, given Shimmy's previous history, and I'm guessing it's why you chose her. The story does perhaps suffer slightly from something that's no fault of your own: that canon never did give us a backstory or a real motivation for Cozy, so it's hard to tell whether she might follow Sunset's path to redemption. (Also, how did she escape stone?)

KwirkyJ: I'm not good at analysing poetry that isn't the rhyming version, so I judged it on how it made me feel -- and it has some nice atmospherics regarding Sweet Apple Acres, I'd guess in autumn. "Pressure of the tail curled tightly" is a rather odd line, but there are some nice images here; I particularly enjoyed "Most of a constellation".

I had to think a lot about which one of these was my favourite. Every one of them gave me something to enjoy, and I'm grateful to all of you for that. For the atmosphere it creates, though, I'm plumping for KwirkyJ's poem.

You know how things work around here, KwirkyJ: please think up a prompt for November, then post it here in the next few days. Thank you to everyone who submitted stories! Feedback remains open, of course.

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Good that the results are up now. I thought I would need to wait until the end of the month to express my thanks.

Thanks for both of your reviews! It helps a bunch to get feedback on how I can improve!

'til another Flashfic!

P.S. Loganberry, I hope you don't mind this reply. I know you want to keep the forum organized. If it's too much, then I can remove this reply and I will not do it again for future Flashfics.

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P.S. Loganberry, I hope you don't mind this reply.

It's fine. I don't mind a few posts of that sort at all. If anyone wants an extended conversation about something, then PMs are probably better, but there's no problem at all with yours.

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I did not expect this at all. After a few hours of thought, I'll submit "A Change in the Wind" for the November prompt.

A brief reply to your critiques:
Regarding ( 7012171) '"How far are they?" he asked.' -- I checked my style guide and you are correct in that the question mark stays. As for 'he asked', it does not specify, which makes sense: the speaker could demand, muse, mumble, spit, and so many other possible verbs. I still submit that using 'asked' is redundant, and 'said' would still be acceptable though it would probably read better if things stopped with the speech: "How far are they?"

And for my "poem", the bit about the tail curled was meant to turn the observation inward for a moment, not unlike "Sore joints, stiff limbs. A tug behind the ear." My thought was to suggest an awareness of just sitting, perhaps curled tightly against the cool air or because of latent body tension. I feel that the entire thing is hit-or-miss at every level, so thank you for pointing it out as the oddest part. (I liked 'most of a constellation', too )

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"A Change in the Wind" it is!

I feel that the entire thing is hit-or-miss at every level

Well, maybe I'm just odd (you don't say, Logan) but it hit a good deal more than it missed for me. Hence my decision!