Title: My Wings Will Keep You Safe

By: Astral Phoenix

Rating: Everyone

Status: Complete

Words Read: 9,698 (all)

Tags: MLP: FiM; Drama; Slice of Life; Twilight; Applejack; Apple Bloom; Dinky Hooves; CMCs

Description:

After having fallen asleep Apple Bloom finds herself at the Golden Oaks Library during a thunderous storm. As the storm grows worse Apple Bloom begins to get more terrified by the minute. Twilight does her best to comfort the poor filly but with the storm carrying on all the way till the morning can the Alicorn princess help the little filly overcome her fears and get her through this long dreadful night?

Review:
As this story has already gotten one review here, I will keep my review shorter and a little different by reviewing not just the story, but its success in relation to main criticism.

Writing: While there are no glaring errors compared to the lack of grammar and punctuation I've seen as a reviewer and proofreader, the style lacks the level of nuance I require to consider it good writing. Full capital letters are used for higher volume dialogue, to the point that it is over-reliant on it.

Story: As a one-shot, it has a straightforward narrative and plot. The description sums it up well. However, though the story does take time to set up how the characters arrive at their situation, there are leaps in characterization that doesn't show how they arrived at their emotional state; Applebloom acts too young and Twilight's caring nature suddenly heightens, without any reason other than that's just how they are in this story. Essentially, the reader can understand the development of the story's spatial condition, but not so much its emotional.

Structure: Stuff just happens. That's not a bad thing, particularly for stories that sport the comedy and random tag, but this is not one of those stories. The interactions that occur over the nine-and-a-half thousand words do allow the characters to bond in the way the author intended, but there's nothing specific about their activities together that drives it to one place. They're just bonding by being together. That can be entirely realistic, but at the same time, as the other review put it, it makes the story flow without purpose until it arrives at some end.

I give this story a 3/5 Starving Scootaloos
It has done well as a story, it's like to dislike is a phenomenal ratio despite its flaws. Many of these issues are technical, the sort that separates average fanfiction from becoming great overall stories. Nevertheless, the 5.5/10 verdict you will find on another review of this story deems it as a "reject." Yes, many parts of the writing felt off to me, but its success cannot be ignored. For many readers, the technical issues don't matter. It's fanfiction, where "needs improvement" should always be a criticism that is taken to heart. 3/5 from me translates to 6/10, and for me, that's not a reject, but a pass.

6732358
You missed one.

6732560
Well, ain't that something. After I saw the one review I figured there wasn't another.