Hello, minions. This is a message from a friendly tyrant who aspires to grind those who oppose him under the heel of his boot. I aim to begin my campaign to rule this site so that my thousand year reign of blood and terror shall make the pitiful users quake in fear whenever they hear my name!... But I need your help. I hope to amass a massive following that rivals that of the glorious Julius Caesar at the peak of his power, that rivals the greatest tide ever to strike the land so that I may wipe away all competition! Am I asking for followers? No! I am not! What I am asking for is your total, undying loyalty to me and when I inevitably rule over this site, I promise I won't destroy you all. Probably.

4564309 Good luck with that

4564311 Luck is not needed when I have charisma that rivals that of an enraged boar.

4564317 So much modesty from someone with 6 followers

4564320 Numbers are irrelevant. It is the bond with your subjects that matters most! And we all come from humble beginnings, do we not?

4564309
Oh... You again! Here... Have a cookie...

I hope you don't mind I already took a bite out of it.

4564330 I have quite the bond with all 263 of mine

4564333 I am on a strict "no shared saliva" diet, but thank you for the gesture, friend.

4564334 That is good! Although it sounds as though you are trying to spark envy in my iron heart when there is none to be found. As I've said, I care little for numbers.

4564338 I'm trying to do no such thing

4564340 I will destroy all that you care for if you try to spite me, knave!... As soon as I become powerful enough to do so without undo repercussions.

4564341 You couldn't even touch me. I could wipe you out right now if I so wished

4564338

I am on a strict "no shared saliva" diet, but thank you for the gesture, friend.

Hey, that's cool. Just be glad I didn't offer you the one I keep stashed in my underwear for a rainy day.

4564309 This is where you can amass your army:
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/200923/stalkers-incorporated

4564352 ...This group scares me.

4564346 I am thankful indeed.

4564343 My flame will never truly be extinguished.

4564362 if you say so

4564309

Every time I see you, you're reading a newspaper. Sheesh! Is your life so boring that you've got nothing better to do than bury your face in the Wall Street Journal? I mean, come on! If you want something interesting to read you can always read this!

I didn't care for the green eggs but I really liked the ham!

4564309
You want my total, undying loyalty?

I don't trust you.

DOWN WITH THE HERETIC!

4564309 Have fun.

4564370 ...Those eggs are obviously spoilt.

4564460 I shall check you under the "Crush under my heel" list, then.

4564661 It is heresy to oppose me, so who is the true heretic here!?

4564786 Oh, I will.

4565228 Good luck trying to conquer this website.

4564309 yeah your be Dead soon enough,

4565228 You. You're a ridiculous person who expects to take over a site of social anarchists and psychotics. You're ridiculously small in number and you have a bad pun as your nom de guerre. Why on earth would you think anyone would follow you? Especially unconditionally. You offer nothing and if users just suddenly started following every random person the system in place would be ruined.

4565716 You must be fun at parties.

Am I asking for followers? No! I am not! What I am asking for is your total, undying loyalty to me

Not only that, but your sense of humor is obviously nonexistent. You take things far too seriously.

4564309
>trying to amass an army to rule
>not just using lemon puns and backrubs

See, that is where you are going wrong, friendo.

4567228 I am. I'm indubitably amusing. My sense of humor is fine. Yours however ...is just dull. You should at least mete out your comedy properly. Undying loyalty is a hard thing to find...or expect. The internet is srs bznss.

4567314
4567248 I shall return when I sharpen my wit! And when I purchase more lemons, because those are quite good.

4567248
4567616

I like lime. Goes better with my Habanero peppers.

4564309 Are you the Mistress?

(Looks carefully)

No, sorry. I'm already an undyingly loyal underling.