Sweet Apple Acres, the home of the Apple family but also a home of apple secrets. For as long as anypony could remember, apples have been fresh and ready for harvest. Neither the cold of winter or heat of summer would prevent apples from being ripe. Natural or even supernatural disaster could not ruin a single harvest. Every day from begging to the end of the year Sweet Apple Acre had one season and one season only. Bucking season.

And now one pony wants to know why. Timid but brave Carrot Top is venturing on a quest, a quest to discover the dark secrets of apples.

What we have here seems to be the author's very first story. I'm sure every writer can tell the good news and the bad news from that statement. The bad news is that this story was not very enjoyable. The good news, which I can tell you from personal experience, is that there's nowhere to go but up.

One problem with this story is something I'm sure the author suspects. I gathered English is not their native language, and while I do try to be helpful and point out exactly where the errors are so a writer can fix them, I can't do that for an entire story. Some sentences are punctuated with periods when question marks would be better, some need commas to separate independent clauses, simple words like "the" and "an" are missing, and some possessive apostrophes are in the wrong place.

I will give the author some credit for a valiant effort. In spite of the frequent mistakes, I was never lost or confused about what was happening on the page.

However, what happens on the page isn't very much. Humor is subjective of course, so I'm sure some people will be entertained by Berry Punch's Scottish accent or the gag about spying on Big Mac, but I'm more concerned with how things happen in this plot. Carrot Top starts the story in a bush to spy on the Apples... then Berry Punch finds her... then Applejack finds the both of them... then she placates them, and the story ends.

It's dull, like the author was dragging the characters along from plot point to plot point. A story needs more structure than that. It needs details to fill in the gaps, to let the characters tell the story. Even something as simple as Carrot Top trying to find just the right bush to hide in would have worked. She could have fretted over which one would let her see the barn easier, or which one might be closer to the orchard, whatever might have fit in her master plan (whatever it might have been, because she didn't really seem to have one).

Also, since this is a comedy story, maybe the bush she picked was too small for her, and she had to leave her tail sticking out of it. Which would be a silly thing for her to do while trying to be sneaky, but it also gives Berry Punch a way to spot her and wonder what's she's doing in the bush. I would prefer that to Berry just showing up randomly for some reason.

Continuity, cause and effect, these are the gears that drive a story forward. The more your characters react to something that has been put to the page, the more interesting your story will be. Carrot Top and Berry Punch go check out the barn because they saw Applejack leave and think now is their best chance is a much better idea than They go to the barn because I need to end the story now.

As I said earlier, first story blues are a real thing with every writer. Keep your chin up, and better things will be in store for you.

5915215 I enjoy how unlike everyone else, your reviews differ in being basic-structured. And you alway choose the right images too! :)

Good review, Minds. I largely enjoyed reading about--

*sees image*

Excuse me, I need to go to Derpibooru a moment.

A few hours later

We've all had that first story that shows us how much we can improve. I am sure the author will get better as time goes.

5915227 Yep. Sometimes there just isn't much to say about a particular topic, so I might as well focus my thoughts on more meaningful feedback.

5915235
Holy crap, hours later when the thread hasn't been live for even thirty minutes? Did... did you break light speed?

5915215 CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!..um yeah great review...whatever you wrote I one hundred percent agree with. CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!

5915215
Now I have an idea for a story where just more and more characters wind up hiding in the bushes to spy on the Apple family for one reason or another, until like half of Ponyville is in there.

5915264
Maybe Pinkie Pie sells tickets at Rarity's stores out of town. "Come take the world famous Apple Watching Tour, only in Ponyville!"

5915272
No, Pinkie is the last one to show up, and her tail sticks out the top of the bushes because there isn't enough room at that point.

Applejack sees her and asks why she's hiding in the bushes.

Pinkie replies "Because that's where everypony else was!"

And then everyone is found out.

5915249 I just couldn't wait.

5915215 Hey thanks for the review and yeah I expected the results. It is actually why I wanted a review like this in the first place as I knew I wouldn't get what I needed to hear from comments alone.

But my real goal was achieved now. I got a nice Berry picture.