I was going to wait until morning, but screw it, I want to get this done.

Descent into Hell
By DemonBrightSpirit

Reviewed by Rinnaul

Okay, I just realized I had this great joke I should have included in my last review, about understanding Hubert (fucking Hubert) because I once came out of a K-Mart as the shameful owner of a brand-new copy of Bio-Dome on VHS cassette.

Granted, this was back when DVD was relatively new, and VHS cassettes were still what stores used to fill up their value bins. Plus, I was in my early teens and still thought Beavis and Butt-Head was a work of comedic genius.

In short, like most people who were teens, I was even more of an awful person then than I am now.

Like so.

Though that’s not my favorite Trixie art, but close. The favorite is this one where she’s sleeping on the floor of her wagon with only her cape for a blanket, and just looks so broken and alone. I’d have used that, but it shows her underwear too clearly and cameltoe is banned. Also, is it weird that I find Trixie hottest when she’s at her worst low points? That might be a sign of something.

Anyway, I haven’t reviewed a decent Dark fic in a while. Mostly been doing clop, or deliberately picking things with low ratings. I’m somewhat afraid my style has gotten to a point where it’s not particularly appropriate for this, but whatever. Let’s see what we get here.

…Although now I’m tempted, next time I review a Dark story, to write the whole review in over-the-top elaborate gothic purple prose.

Quick Recommendation: Not exactly a bad read, but it doesn’t add much to what we already saw in Magic Duel, and the final scene doesn’t flow particularly well from previous ones.

Did you know I wrote that intro all the way back on January 9th? I just can’t focus on anything right now without forcing myself. Anyway, I was going to do my older, more in-depth style here, but I can barely make myself read anything right now (I have 225 unread updates on things I put in Favorites, never mind the 1100 unread stories in my Read It Later libraries), so we’ll do without the in-line commentary. Fortunately, there’s not too much to cover.

There’s some issues with referring to things before they’re established, like in the first scene, Trixie refers to “the blathering pony” before we’re ever introduced to the shopkeeper, and before it’s even made clear that she’s in a shop. Those who remember the episode the scene comes from will probably be able to place it soon enough, but even then it’s a bit confusing. A bit of an antecedent error (using “it” when the item being referred to is unclear, in this case) in those lines doesn’t help much, either.

The POV is strange, here. It’s a bit of an odd case to begin with, writing a first-person perspective from the mind of a character who always uses the third person, and the first scene did it well enough. However, as the story progressed, it felt more and more like the POV have shifted into a simple third person limited focused closely on Trixie. This may have been an attempt to show how Trixie was becoming more and more removed from herself as the amulet’s influence on her grew, but that’s not very clear. As it stands, it feels like the POV drift was unintentional.

Finally, this adds very little to what we already knew from the episode. Beyond a slight expansion of the opening scene, a few extra details during Trixie’s rule of Ponyville, and an added scene of petty tyranny at the spa, the only new material is the final scene. Everything else is just an episode summary in narrative format, told by the antagonist.

Actually, on that final scene. It doesn’t really mesh well with the rest of the story. Up until this point, barring Trixie abusing Lotus a bit in the spa, and the spa ponies’ attempt at dealing with her themselves, we had the rather show-toned “amulet made Trixie crazy” take on it. It was only dark through the descriptions of the amulet’s influence on her and her mindset during her actions. The final scene, though, has her in a much more grim despot role, something more befitting Sombra. It a very odd shift towards darkness.

It also didn’t feel like her second fall was particularly well-supported by the story, instead coming off as a bit of a diabolus ex machina, that she regressed for no reason beyond giving the story a dark ending. It didn’t convince me that she would be able to regain the amulet’s power boost by herself, either.

The point of view needs some work. Either the whole thing needs to be brought into line with a single consistent POV, or, if my theory about the view shifting away from her under the amulet’s influence is correct, then that influence needs to be a bit clearer in the narrative voice.

As it stands, the story feels very telly because so much is just episode recap. Either we need to be more in-depth with Trixie’s thoughts and the amulet’s effect on her if you want this to be a character study that fits into canon, or else you need to change how she behaved more and make it a dark AU.

Clarify your scenes a bit. You could have put in a lot more description that would have better established Trixie’s POV and reduced how telly everything felt while also avoiding the antecedent errors and moments of confusion that came up.

Despite my generally-negative commentary, the story is mechanically sound and makes sense outside of a couple poorly-established scenes. While I was never fully engrossed in it, it also never entirely failed to engage me. On the whole, despite not having a lot to add to the show, it was a decent read, and earns an:

Enjoyable.

And now, entirely because I mentioned Bio-Dome back in the intro:

5043574
Hmm... Why do I always make sure to read through Rinnaul's reviews?

Oh ya... because his reviews are like a late night show... but this is "Late Night Reviews with Rinnaul!"

What I'm saying is, I'm always getting a little more than just a review. Usually I would be concerned if it took away from the story in focus... But it doesn't. Just adds a nice flare to it all.

Read the foc myself a short time ago. Accurate review.

Who is the artist of the displayed Trixie picture and the one where she is in her wagon alone?

I love a good sad picture...

5043776
Both pictures are by Bakki (I'll add a link to the review, actually). The one I posted is titled "Minor Setback". The one I was talking about is titled "On The Road".

5043574 Hubert stays with you like a virulent infection. That is the true power of my creation! Once you've witnessed Hubert, you see him in everyone and everything. A sort of cosmic Hubert. A universal Hubert. Biodome and the people who purchase it, they are all just a facet of Hubert.

Fucking Hubert.

5043574 For the record, the POV is first person throughout. It was quite intentional that her way of referring to herself changed, and it was also intended to be subtle and slow, reflecting the insidious corruption. Making it more obvious would only serve to undermine that aspect.