Commentary

Oh, my. This story is just so darn cute. It takes place from Fluttershy’s perspective, a few hours after gaining her cutie mark. You all know how it happened: she was knocked from the clouds, caught by butterflies, and so on. What this story explores is what happens next. To put it simply, filly Fluttershy meets filly Applejack, and follows her to Sweet Apple Acres. Upon arriving, the pair are greeted by (not yet Big) Mac and Granny Smith. Then, they help around the house, make and eat dinner, and tour the farm.

Ok, this is nice. I’m not normally one for Slice of Life fics, but I like this one. It’s not trying to be something it’s not. The author took a simple concept, wrote a simple story, and mixed in enough emotion to keep someone reading, but not enough to overwhelm them.

Review

Let’s see… I did notice a few things that stuck out. First, there’s Mac’s name being written as McIntosh. It’s technically correct, but something just feels off about it. Maybe it’s because everyone just calls him Mac in dialogue.

Second, I did see a few small spelling mistakes. Most notably, referring to jam pastries as “desert”, when I assume you meant “dessert”. Tiny, really, but that one missing letter did make me stop and think about what you had written.

Tips

Before you publish a chapter, read it out loud. Read the words you have written, not the words you think you wrote. This will stop most, if not all, of the tiny grammar mistakes and inconsistencies you write.

Now, one for the author. Keep this going! Maybe write what is was like for Pinkie to come to Ponyville. Perhaps show how Fluttershy reacts to seeing Rainbow Dash again. It’s a great story, and I’d love to see more like it.

Rating:

Recommended!

4817101 Thank you very much! It means a lot to me that you liked the story even though you're normally not into Slice of life.

Also, thanks for catching that typo. This is why I shouldn't rely on spellcheck - it can't catch errors like that.

And now another story that goes in my Really Short Queue bookshelf (the one created to manage a realistic queue of fictions).

4817101 Crossing Paths looks like it's still in the Claimed and Submitted folders.

4824509 Well, I put it in the Recommended folder, but I'm not sure I'm able to remove from a folder.