Okay. What we have going on here is actually a discussion where you could post a link to your story, say something like, "I was wondering how you guys think I did." or "Finally started writing! Got any pointers?" or something along the line of that. For example (and to be the first to try this out):

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/144691/to-cross-a-broken-bridge

This is my first fanfic. I was working on this for like a month before I posted it. I was just wondering what you guys thought about it. Warrning, contains FlutterDash, RariJack and Twilight/Luna shipping (non-clop).

Remember, the rules still apply here. So have fun, get your story out there and keep walking down the path of a writer.

Idea for this provided by: Dragor
Credit goes to him.

Edit: Alright! Change of plans. Everyone should make a thread for their story, that way, there would only be comments on that story, bringing less confession. Also, people would be able to write comments to the story that they may not be comfortable posting as a comment on the story.

Once again, the idea for this was provided by: Dragor

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Replacement was my first one. Good idea, bad execution. I will be rewriting it soon, so it will be much better.

Wittle Woona and Cewestia's Day Off is my latest one. See the difference?

Feel free to review!

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what I thought about it? h'mmm.

well, the first and most glaring issue that i have with it is the amount of shipping. I generally do not like shipping on the best of days, but here we have a different problem.

I think that you really need to ask yourself if applejack and rarity and twilight and Luna need to be getting together in order for your story to work. if yes, then OK, but if not then i think that they need to be trimmed so that you can focus on Rainbow and Fluttershy. you should have one dynamic that stands out above the others.

another thing that was disconcerting was how some things that should have great weight were skimmed over, case in point being when rainbow chases (mysterious thing). its over and done in a paragraph, but it really needed more weight to it. why was she chasing it? throw in a lot more descriptors and generally pad it out so that it reads like a exciting action scene, instead of a thing that happens for a paragraph.

characterizations of rainbow and fluttershy are pretty good, which is good, of all characters in general really. the only ones that fell flat were the OC's. i can only assume that they will be back again, but some time needs to be spent giving them the appropriate characteisation that you want, because right now they are boring.

in a few places (I can't remember where) things were written weird, but for the most part your writing in terms of grammar and making things sound correct and natural makes sense.

all in all it's a bit of a rocky start, but I think that you can make a ok story from this.

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I can agree that AppleJack and Rarity could be cut out, but I found that I kinda liked having that bit of fluff to give it a little setimental value. Honestly, the first four chapters are me trying to get through things to get to the main story. That and the fact that the first three paragraphs and the prologue were each writen late at night. Which could explain their shortness, rushed feel and bit of lazyness. However, the chapter I'm releasing on Saturday has a lot more time and work put into it. There was no way that felt right to me to try and separate it into different chapters. But hey, I'm not one to give up easily.

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read the most recent chapter, and i'm going to say that you're good. it's a fair bit better than the previous ones. not my cup of tea, but if it was I would probably quite like it.

my work here is done.