More of a rant post, but I feel the need to vent.

For everyone who doesn't know, I have Elhers Danlos. Tore both of my hips at age 19/20 from walking (seriously ), and at one point literally did not have the upper body strength and joint stability to hold a cup of coffee or lift a remote control overhead. For at least 6 years, I couldn't sit, stand or lie down without pain. Oftentimes, standing for literally 10 seconds would cause pain.

Currently, I'm 29 and have almost entirely resolved my shoulder, elbow, wrist, and knee issues. According to my physical therapist, my remaining issue is with the left hip, and I'm hopeful I can get this fixed by my 30th birthday. So yay, right? However, I'm pissed that this endless barrage of pain and inability to live a normal life took away my 20s. Yes, despite the symptoms I graduated with a PharmD, got married, made memories, etc. However, it definitely took a toll on my mental health, oftentimes leading me to lose all desire to have fun or do my hobbies for months.

Yes, I know I should focus on how much I improved my condition, what I did despite it, and on the PT required to get to the finish line. I know all that mentally, but emotionally all I see is everything I couldn't do in my 20s. I'm obviously going to make up for that lost time in my 30s, but it still pisses me off. It feels like time stopped at 19 for me, and I'm only now about to restart my life when this is all over by hopefully age 30.

Like I said, just a rant post but feel free to respond. I know I'm giving in to my anger, but it's hard not to

7863518 Imagine there's a parallel world where you have no problems in your 20s. You party, hang with low-life and drink your brains away. And then before your 30th birthday, you wish that you'd had an injury for the last decade that would prevent you from partying.

What you describe might actually be a blessing, and not the curse you're trying to make it out to be. Perhaps instead of anger, gratitude would be more of an appropriate emotion to have.

7863524

My derailed plans for my 20s didn't involve endless drinking or partying at all, though. I understand your point as a general response. I just don't agree with it at all since I know exactly what I wasn't able to do (yet).

Edit: I really disagree with your point for nearly everyone actually

7863525 I bet you would have traveled if your body was fully functional. That would have been a waste of your money. Instead of being rich like you are, you would have been poor now.

Having a healthy body comes with great power. Great power corrupts greatly.

Everybody claims they are ready to receive great power, but when they do, they all get corrupted by it almost without exception.

For the last decade, you were shielded from this corruption. But now, the guardian angel of pain is leaving you. The defenses are failing and you're about to take the brunt end of opportunities that are opening up for you. It may spell the end of you as it has for so many before you.

7863518 OKAY BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WHAT IF THAT DEBILITATING INJURY WAS ACTUALLY GOOD FOR YOU BECAUSE IT KEPT YOU FROM A LIFE OF CRIME CULMINATING IN BEING TRAFFICKED AND SOLD AS AN EXOTIC MEAL TO JEFFREY EPSTEIN???

GUESS YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT

GOD I AM SO FUCKING SMART

EDIT: If you’re not even 30 yet, then remember, you’re not even halfway through your life. You’re a young man, and there’s no time limit on pursuing the things you want to do, or catching up on the experiences you missed out on during your recovery. Hell, people who haven’t been through what you have find themselves at 30, feeling like their lives are just starting, or that they’re just getting their shit together.

I hope you make your peace with the time you lost as you go forward.

7863518

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

Humans love to compare themselves to others and dwell on 'what ifs.' Most people forget that every aspect of our lives is formed by everything we experience. Change one thing, and the outcome can be completely different.

My point is you're dwelling on things from your current perspective, which would have been different if you were not sick in the first place:

• maybe you would do all those things you regret not being able to do right now and be better off in general
• or maybe that thing you believe you would do if your health didn't rob you of the opportunity would never come to your mind at all, if you were perfectly healthy
• or maybe you would end up like Bad Dragon said, partying your way through college, because, 'Hey! You're young and healthy only once! Time for the liver to earn its rent!'
• or maybe the determination and discipline you have now would not be there or would be significantly reduced because you never needed them to the same extend

The reality is... you'll never know - even if you think you do. No point in getting angry about something that might have never happened if things were different. Not that it will stop you; the human brain loves to torture itself with such thoughts (especially past 30ty, so congrats on starting early ).

But, my man, objectively, the way you handled your situation is something to be proud of . You were dealt shitty cards, but instead of giving up, you found enough determination to grab that disorder of yours by the balls and turn it all around! That takes some f*cking defiance! Instead of dwelling on what could have been, focus on that and be proud - you earned it !

My advice - if you can call it that - would be to ignore... or get a punching bag and smash it every time these thoughts invade your head .

7863642

WHAT IF THAT DEBILITATING INJURY WAS ACTUALLY GOOD FOR YOU BECAUSE IT KEPT YOU FROM A LIFE OF CRIME CULMINATING IN BEING TRAFFICKED AND SOLD AS AN EXOTIC MEAL TO JEFFREY EPSTEIN???

Damn, guess I have a lot of "adventures" to make up for

there’s no time limit on pursuing the things you want to do, or catching up on the experiences you missed out on during your recovery

Yep. I knew this even as a teen, but recognize this even more as an adult. Outside of being a professional athlete, which I have neither the desire or anywhere close to the talent to be, there's no time limit outside of death. It also helps remembering that most of my family came as immigrants in their 30s and didn't truly begin their lives until after that.

Hell, people who haven’t been through what you have find themselves at 30, feeling like their lives are just starting, or that they’re just getting their shit together.

It's hard to explain, but I feel like a 16 year old looking forward to their "high school graduation" (joint problems defeated), so they can begin their adult lives. So yeah, life just starting is a good way to put it. I can't wait!!

I hope you make your peace with the time you lost as you go forward.

Eh, I'd say I've already made peace with it since I have no choice. Truthfully, my parents and wife deserve all the credit for keeping me as happy as possible through all this. Makes "finding peace" so much easier haha. And thanks, seriously So glad we patched up our differences.

7863529

I know your intentions are good. However, I can't disagree with this any stronger. These joint issues resulted in the complete deterioration of my health, led to further health issues from medications, caused me to work as little as possible, made me unable to even play video games from pain, took me away from my business ambitions, took me away from career opportunities, and even made many non-physical hobbies painful.

Even if I blew money on travel and drinking, I lost more money from the above. And then there are the endless medical and physical therapy apportionments which cost money. Besides, if I really wanted to travel and drink, I would've done so despite the pain. And this assumes what I would've traveled and drank if I was pain-free, which is based on zero evidence. How would you know what I'd do if I was pain-free?

7863959

• or maybe that thing you believe you would do if your health didn't rob you of the opportunity would never come to your mind at all, if you were perfectly healthy

As a general point, this is actually a good one. For me specifically, though, I knew what I wanted to do by 19, which was when these joint issues consumed me. That's what makes all this extra annoying

Like I said in my response to Posh, however, the only time limit I believe in is death. I fully intend to do new things until the day I die.

• or maybe you would end up like Bad Dragon said, partying your way through college, because, 'Hey! You're young and healthy only once! Time for the liver to earn its rent!'

So like the majority of U.S. college students, the vast majority of whom are completely fine despite partying through college? I know you're using Bad Dragon's point, but it's such a random point haha.

• or maybe the determination and discipline you have now would not be there or would be significantly reduced because you never needed them to the same extend

My wife actually brought this up too. My response was that any determination or discipline I gained from this was inside me all along, waiting for a true need to be used. I'll agree to this as a general point, though. I can't relate to it all, though, since I'm the most undisciplined person on the planet Seriously, I only do things I want to. Thankfully, I really really want to beat this joint mess.

But, my man, objectively, the way you handled your situation is something to be proud of . You were dealt shitty cards, but instead of giving up, you found enough determination to grab that disorder of yours by the balls and turn it all around! That takes some f*cking defiance! Instead of dwelling on what could have been, focus on that and be proud - you earned it !

Thanks

I am proud, but I also know that I could've handled this better. For two examples:

- I'd often eat like crap or overeat when in pain because I'd think "Until the pain is gone, who cares about the rest of my health?" Such a stupid thought process
- Since I'm only motivation-based, pain would often make me lose interests in hobbies I could do. I didn't see the point in doing hobbies if I was miserable and wouldn't enjoy doing them as a result. However, that's idiotic because I'd often still have fun if I forced myself to start haha.

Overall, I'd give myself a C more than an A. I'm getting close to graduating, but I didn't exactly ace this.

7864515

Overall, I'd give myself a C more than an A. I'm getting close to graduating, but I didn't exactly ace this.

On the one hand, I want to say that's too harsh... on the other, I often judge myself even worse than that, so... it would be hypocritical

I can say that judging by what I read, my personal experiences, and the experiences of people I know, thoughts of regret/confusion/anger seem normal when you're approaching thirty. You'll just have to learn to live with them.

I know it's probably not the answer you seek, but it is what it is. On the bright side, given your optimistic nature, I have a feeling you're going to beat those thoughts fast ... if not, give me a caller, and I'm gonna sign you up for SSMB (Secret Society of Miserable Bastards )

7864665

On the one hand, I want to say that's too harsh...

You're probably right. I'm just trying to be self-critical so I'm better at dealing with future crises. I'd rather be harsher on myself and learn the proper lessons, if that makes sense.

I can say that judging by what I read, my personal experiences, and the experiences of people I know, thoughts of regret/confusion/anger seem normal when you're approaching thirty. You'll just have to learn to live with them.

I've seen people hit the stage of regret/confusion/anger at 22, and it only seems to get more common after that. I'm definitely going to make sure I don't adopt that mentality outside of being mad that a specific issue stopped me from doing specific things. If I'm mad that I didn't get to do something, I'll just try my best to make sure to do it as soon as I can. I'd rather fail in spectacular fashion than just never try haha.

if not, give me a caller, and I'm gonna sign you up for SSMB (Secret Society of Miserable Bastards )

Nah, I'd rather keep being Mr. Optimistic haha