Hi,

The title is very straight forward and I could use help from anyone I can get.

Last Wednesday my best friend (25M) and I (26M) were doing some demolishing on a property that my friend bought where he will eventually build his own house. My friend works as an engineer in construction and because of that he had the necessary safety equipment there available (helmet, glasses, gloves, shoes, padded clothing and a mask).

The house on the property is just a one story house, but there is no recovering any of it as it hasn't been lived in for years now. We each took tasks too each of our own strengths. Me doing some of the brute force tasks on the roof (removing wood plates and tossing them down) and my friend using his equipment from work to saw through some of the difficult parts and things like that.

Things went well for about an hour and a half. By that time the roof above the kitchen was gone except for a wooden support beam. As he put his saw to it, I jokingly pointed out to him that we had to be careful because maybe the half chimney could come down. So we checked it out more seriously. Me from the roof and him from the ground. It seemed pretty stable, with brickwork going into the wall seemingly providing enough support.

As he cut through the support beam, the beam smacks down providing lift to the solid block of bricks which makes it fall into the room. First it hit him in the head, due to the weight he fell as well and as he fell the block crushed his legs.

Shock paralyzed me for about a second until my friend cried out "Help me!". I jumped down from the roof and tried my best to move the weight off of him. At first it didn't budge, Only when I had my back squared against something solid and lifted with my legs was I barely able to lift that block enough so he could free his legs. This thing weighs more than 300kg (660lbs)

His head swollen right above his righthand eye and he exclaimed that his ankle was broken. I immediately called the emergencies and afterwards I tried to keep him talking about anything. When he started hyperventilating I made him focus on my breathing and gave him instructions to keep as calm a possible.

About 10-15 minutes later the ambulance and helicopter arrived which were able to extract him quickly. During this time he was clear of mind to the point where he shared his own info with the doctors.

After informing his family, time for me passed as a blur. Before I knew it it was 9 in the evening and I was home. During the night my friend got into a coma for a reason that the doctors of the hospital couldn't explain.

Fast forward a bit and now we know that my friend has received permanent brain damage due to complications. For some reason he had multiple brain infarctions, these are the reason why his is in a coma and also why there is a real chance that he will not wake up anymore. And if he does wake up he will have something permanent.

I feel responsible. I hear from a lot of people that I did "my best", but is is very difficult to listen to that. And if my friend dies from this accident then "my best" isn't good enough. I try to talk with a lot of people and it helps a little. My friends have been great for me but I recognize that it's not enough and distracting myself doesn't work. I have also taken steps to seek out professional help but that won't be available until next Thursday.

If you have read everything I thank you. If you have anything to contribute then please don't be shy. Maybe it's exactly your words that I need. But I feel myself falling into this bubble or spiral where time has no meaning anymore, life has lost it's color and I just exist. Please help.

7863424 Look, what happened, happened. There's no changing the past. It doesn't matter who is responsible. It doesn't matter what the alternative timelines could have been. Nothing matters anymore because the past is unchangeable.

But here's what matters. Here's the bottom line. Your friend is incapacitated, either temporarily or permanently. Either way, it's up to you to live for the two of you.

This isn't the time to exit. This is the time to double down. Finish demolishing the house. Live and don't look back. The future is all that's left. Grab it with all four limbs.

7863429 I understand, or at least the realization is coming to me slowly. And I am doing my best to be hopeful, inspire hope for the family and lift their spirits. The hospital is about the only place where I can function somewhat normally and be helpful, even if it's with a bit of a façade.

The house isn't important right now and since it isn't mine, I find it strange and inappropriate to continue to work there without permission. But I can ask.

Problems come when I'm alone, that's when I can't wrench my thoughts away from the "what if's". I'm trying to keep up my own daily routine. But then it feels like I'm pretending that things are alright when they most definitely are not.

7863437 It might help you if you realize the truth. The whole world started 16 minutes ago, along with all your memories. What you remember didn't actually happen, it's just your memories that were created 16 minutes ago.

It doesn't matter what your memories are. What matters is what you do with the time you have left. There's no point obsessing over random memories you were given. Only what you do next matters. Nothing in the past matters because it never even existed, to begin with.

7863439
That is a very difficult mindset to adopt in this situation and I don't know if I can do that. However I'll do my best to keep making my actions count for the people around me. Thanks for southing my mind a bit. I'll be able to sleep a bit tonight.

7863424

This story really got to me. Seriously, my heart goes out to you. I honestly don't know how I would feel if I were in your situation, nor do I know how to give words of encouragement or advice.

What I can say is that my dad was in a somewhat situation as you. My grandma in India was given prednisone and other steroids for years which resulted in her getting diabetes, blindness, hearing issues, and extreme joint pain. These are drugs that are supposed to be used for a short time only when really needed and then tapered off. Since India often has laughable medical regulations, she was given these drugs for decades, resulting in a horrible quality of life and death. My dad tried to get her off these meds with a taper, but she stayed on them due to trusting her doctor. My dad is split between wishing he argued his point even harder and realizing that he did all he could.

If you know you did all you could and took all the proper precautions, then perhaps realize that bad things sometimes unfortunately happen regardless of what we do? Even if I take all the proper precautions while driving, I can still die from an idiot driver who I could never see coming.

7863424

I know someone who goes through survivor's guilt every anniversary it happened; in that instance, the other person died. It was a mistake made by the other person in the heat of the moment, but the survivor still feels guilty. He just wants to be left alone on that day, so we do. Nothing anyone has said has truly eased his mind. He's able to put it aside for most of each year, but on that day we just have to let him... reflect.

7863424

I'm not a doctor, but from what I read, what you're experiencing is pretty normal and most likely will 'pass' on its own after some time. Hopefully, that visit you have planned for the next Thursday should speed that up a lot...

Until then, you could make a list of things you think you could have done to prevent the accident (all those 'what ifs' you have inside your head). Then, ask someone to sit down with you and objectively analyze them individually based on facts. With that second pair of eyes helping, you'll most likely find that all those 'what ifs' are BS created by your subconscious, having little to do with reality .

No matter what, remember - accidents happen every day. Even professionals with the best equipment, following all the safety measures, get hurt. Sometimes it's just bad luck, and there is nothing you can do about it

Let's pray/hope your friend recovers.

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Thanks for the kind words. Today is the first day I get to somewhat function normally again. Accidents do happen everyday and some people get unlucky enough to get caught in them. I'll feel guilty about if for a good while until I see true results of my actions, but I do know I'm not truly guilty for the accident.

Thank you for the different perspectives. For the past two days news has been steadily getting a bit more positive. My friend is still in a coma, but without sedation he is quite responsive to pain, sound, touch and so on. The complete picture of the damage we'll only know if he wakes up fully.

But right now we take it one day at a time.