I've got an ongoing argument with one of my editors where we disagree on the protagonist's actions in a combat situation. I'd like to ask the group here what you think because this really boils down to a point of view difference and what is appropriate or responsible.

The situation is that in my story, there is an ongoing international war which Equestria has been fighting for nine years. It has recently escalated due to a mass slaughter at a high profile Equestrian school, which takes place prior to my story's opening. Ponyville, being more or less in the center of Equestria, has enjoyed an absence of direct conflict up until this point.

In chapter one of my story, our heroes are out flying casually when they discover a small enemy sniper squad lined up to strike at one of the children in Ponyville Elementary. There is one sniper, and two melee soldiers as backup. They are hidden just behind a tree line out of sight of the town, about 300 meters distant from the school. The sniper is targeting a specific colt.

The three heroes handle the threat, taking out the squad each doing their part in accordance with their natural gifts. The protagonist directly saves the colt, rushing toward him and putting up a shield which deflects the bullet, while her friends handle the sniper himself. One of these characters happens to be a changeling, and I have it so that she has a sort of empath ability and can sense the emotions of others. This is how they detected the zebra squad in the first place.

After killing the two melee soldiers, and lamenting about the targeting of innocent children, my protagonist has an emotional breakdown due to the built up stress of the war. The changeling returns and reports that she's done a sweep of the area, and there is no further threat. My protagonist flies home, which is an underground bunker located at Sweet Apple Acres a short flight away. She's distraught, and needs to get a handle on her emotions. The other two follow her after a minute or two (they all live together) and come home to help her through her feelings. I figure this emotional breakdown lasts maybe fifteen minutes before she recovers and wants to go out immediately to check up on that colt and see how he's doing.

What is important to realize here is that the threat is over. They have taken out the enemy, and done a local sweep. Now they will deal with the aftermath of the attack, go visit the child at the school, etc. For the purpose of the story, there is actually no further threat, and I want the reader's mind to move on to other things. This is where the disagreement with my editor comes in.

He says that leaving the scene is incredibly irresponsible. That there might be further "waves of enemies" inbound to Ponyville, and that there is no way our heroes could be absolutely sure that there is no further threat. That our protagonist should not rush off and have her emotional breakdown, at home, which is in a hidden, secure location. That if anything, the trio should go perch on a high tree or something and keep an eye out for further threats while she has her breakdown. I think this is silly.

Furthermore, after they go meet with the colt, the entire tone of the chapter changes to one of happiness and relaxation as they have done their job well, and the colt considers her to be his hero. My editor suggested that the emotional breakdown scene (which really ought to be in there) should happen maybe after they meet the child. But that doesn't flow tonally. Nor is there any other place to put this scene. In my mind, if someone is going to be releasing built-up emotions due to war stress, it's going to happen immediately after a catalyst such as the sniper attack. His whole problem with this idea is that our heroes leave the scene because they cannot be sure of no further threat.

In my view, because this is a story, I want the reader's focus to be on the next events of the story, rather than brooding about the slightest possible flaws in their actions. Can they truly be 100% sure that there is no further threat? Well, no not likely. But as we all know, there is no such thing as 100% security. Does one stand post vigilantly "just in case"? Indefinitely? The story must move on. I have been unsuccessful in talking my editor through this point of view, so I wanted to ask others who probably understand what a responsible protector would do in this situation. Is it truly a bad decision to leave the scene like she did? She wasn't gone long. And my editor says "But there may be more squads inbound in the next hour or more". Well, adding layers of complexity into the hypothetical situation is kind of crazy in my opinion. It detracts from the story moving forward. Furthermore, the very idea of multiple squads coming in to take out a target at the elementary school seems really weird to me.

What are your thoughts?

If you'd like to read the scenario in question, it takes place early in chapter two of my main story.

4914905 Well from my experiences (It's been dealing with military family with PTSD) both situations make sense, because if someone is well trained or is dealing with an adrenaline high, they wouldn't immediately breakdown, it would happen some time later usually when they calm down. If they aren't trained they could breakdown, but the problem I see is that they wouldn't run off and breakdown they would just breakdown right there and then. So both work it's just how you want the story to go, and the whole "more threats could be moving in" thing could be possible, but if it's just a specific target that they didn't expect resistance with no more threats would be nearby unless part of the initially force or later on when said force doesn't return or check in.

4914905

The changeling returns and reports that she's done a sweep of the area, and there is no further threat.

That's according to a single sweep in a small radius. Threat or not, they don't seem to be getting any other higher orders, nor knowing the larger situation or have any kind of reinforcement to take their place.

What is important to realize here is that the threat is over. They have taken out the enemy, and done a local sweep.

Now here's an important thing to think over when writing any situation. Is this threat over because they can tell that it is over, or is it over because you, the author, have dictated it so?

That our protagonist should not rush off and have her emotional breakdown, at home, which is in a hidden, secure location.

Regardless of how brutal it sounds, I agree again. In a more realistic combat situation, you don't just leave until you know that the job is done, and not that you know it's done because that's how the story goes, when it is done and, in this situation, someone comes to take your place. This is the gritty part of war, I've read stories of people receiving injuries both physical and mental and staying at their post until it's done. Hell, there was one where the soldier got a concussion and refused treatment throughout the whole deployment.

I think this is silly.

Thinking like that is what gets people killed.

Well, adding layers of complexity into the hypothetical situation is kind of crazy in my opinion.

No it is not, not at all. In a hypothetical situation, you're supposed to add layers of complexity to iron out the possibilities that the scene entails, especially those that can ruin it. Leaving them out leave holes in the story people can spot.

Furthermore, after they go meet with the colt, the entire tone of the chapter changes to one of happiness and relaxation as they have done their job well, and the colt considers her to be his hero. My editor suggested that the emotional breakdown scene (which really ought to be in there) should happen maybe after they meet the child. But that doesn't flow tonally.

This actually does make a bit more sense. It's painful to come to terms with attacking children, but it makes sense it would hit harder after you befriend them and learn more about them.

Nor is there any other place to put this scene. In my mind, if someone is going to be releasing built-up emotions due to war stress, it's going to happen immediately after a catalyst such as the sniper attack.

Not necessarily, it's different for each person. Some let it out right after, some don't have it hit until things die down, some are a little of both.

In my view, because this is a story, I want the reader's focus to be on the next events of the story, rather than brooding about the slightest possible flaws in their actions.

The bigger issue seems to be that their actions are events in this story, and their flaws can lead to serious events that leave others dead or hurt.

Can they truly be 100% sure that there is no further threat? Well, no not likely. But as we all know, there is no such thing as 100% security. Does one stand post vigilantly "just in case"? Indefinitely? The story must move on.

In realism terms, that's their job. Of course there won't be another attack, because you have dictated as the writer that no attack will come, and they're safe. Realistically, there is no knowing, and therefore you don't leave like that.

Also, in terms of 'moving the story on', you ought to be able to easily sum up an extensive period of time in about a paragraph or two, so long as nothing actually happens during that time.

Furthermore, the very idea of multiple squads coming in to take out a target at the elementary school seems really weird to me.

It may not be squads, it may be an individual, or another sniper. Point is, you can't tell.

What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are listen to your editor; that's why he's there.

4914905

Depends on the known situation. If the strategic situation is such that there is very little immediate likelihood of any follow-on raids, they can stand down, at most with one of them staying on watch just in case, so they don't get ambushed. If there is a strong likelihood of follow-on raids, obviously the most they should do is rest a little while remaining alert for additional attacks.

4914905 a suggestion, maybe have another squad come along and relieve them..? That would then allow your character to have his or her breakdown and allow your friends to accompany it.

4914932
Mmm. yeah, that makes sense. Initially, I did have her break down on the spot, but I've recently given the first 4 chapters of the story a complete overhaul and rewrite, and one of the big things was to move her PTSD stuff out of chapter one and into chapter two after the attack. The idea being to avoid giving this impression that the protagonist is an emotionally unstable person breaking down at random. The breakdown scene happening at home is way better than it used to be, and it flows from the catalyst of the attack really well. But you make a point in that someone usually doesn't have a breakdown during a tense moment with adrenaline. Not unless they are untrained (which happens to be the case).

Context:

The protagonist is not military. She's actually barred from combat for the most part due to potential risk to friendlies. She's also 25 years old and fairly inexperienced. She's a naturally emotional type as well, and has had a very difficult childhood full of persecution and being judged for her past actions.

The protagonist and her friends are field testers for prototype equipment. They don't normally encounter the enemy, but on occasion it happens.

The attack squad in question is actually on a vendetta mission to kill the child of someone they want revenge on. Not revealed who until later in the story.

Because Equestria would have layers of protection beginning with the battle lines, it would be very unusual for any enemies to make it in as far as Ponyville. The whole idea being that if "waves of enemies" were indeed coming, lots of citizens and probably garrisons/military would have noticed and engaged them. This squad would have had to sneak in through stealth over probably a week to get to the target.

I may be presuming too much, but the idea here is that if Ponyville hasn't been attacked in 9 years of war, and suddenly 3 enemies show up in an unusual attack pattern, that this is not a typical scenario. I'm wanting to make sure the reader isn't really thinking "but more could come". So I have one of the team give the all-clear and the reader should simply believe her. The fact that there might be further risk somehow needs to be off the reader's mind.

4914944
Well, thanks for clarifying that position. You make it come across much more clearly, so I appreciate that. I'll give a bit further context.

Again as I said above, the protagonist is not military. She's had no training apart from random war game scenarios with the pegasi branch of the military, since she's not allowed to fight in the war (yet) anyway. Her personality is highly emotional and prone to reactivity, at least in the beginning of the story. These three are just civilians who one day hope to be contributors to the war effort. The incident in question was pure luck that they happened to be in the right place at the right time to stop the attack.

Yes, it's true that I've dictated there are no further threats. Though, I'm hoping to plug any potential holes by stating that they have indeed done a sweep and given the all-clear. One possible additional fix might be to have this character go tell the Ponyville garrison (I hadn't considered that there would be one, but it's possible) of the incident so that they could go out and do further sweeps to make sure everything is secure. This might be sufficient to allow our main characters to leave. But again, they are not military, and nobody is under orders. The whole thing happened out of the blue and they managed it on their own. The protagonist, in particular, is not thinking very clearly.

Oh, and also I have several editors. Only one is making the protest. The others say the scene reads just fine. *shrug*

If I do write in a garrison lieutenant which is told about the incident, then that fixes the problem where our heroes can leave the scene. But it might change the aftermath a bit since I have Cheerilee in the school tending to her class. She's aware that the child has likely been shot (in the ear). She's keeping the class inside while waiting for word of what might be going on. Looking out the window, she sees that the town appears quite normal. Nobody else seems aware of what had happened. Then someone who did see the incident from the outside rushes up to the school to check up on things. This is likely a small issue, since the presence of a garrison would not necessarily mean that the entire town would be put on alert. They would go out and search for further threats, I imagine. The whole hypothetical situation is something I never intended to expand into this territory.

So in light of this, I think the entire thing might be fixed by having my changeling come back after doing her sweep and say the following:

“We’re clear; I’ve told the Ponyville garrison what happened, and they’ll take it from… Whoa. What happened?”

Rather than giving the all-clear herself, she simply says that she's alerted others who will take over. Does that do a better job of plugging this hole?

4915027

The protagonist and her friends are field testers for prototype equipment.

But you've said that she's not military, that she's highly emotional, that she's not professional and that she's barred from combat. I wouldn't trust someone like that with prototype weaponry in or out of combat, and I doubt any competent military would either. I'm hardly an expert in such matters, though.

4914998
That's the case, yes. Unlikely further attacks (but how can anyone ever be 100% sure).

4915040
Heh. Fair enough. Although, there's a whole lot of history behind that statement which I haven't mentioned. It's the now-adult CMC who develop this tech in their high-profile company, and my protagonist grew up as close friends with the CMC.

The tech is not necessarily weapons tech. A lot of it is survival oriented, like for example the prototype underground self-sustaining home they live in is designed by them. Also the wrist computer on the protagonist's foreleg is their design. One of the things it has is a threat detection spell, so they've been testing that.

To be honest, I haven't really fleshed out what precisely they have been testing over the past three years. I think overall, this team knows that the goal is to one day be active in the war, but they simply aren't allowed to yet. So they do war game scenarios, and the occasional reconnaissance mission. The ban is on the protagonist actually fighting alongside the military because she might have a magical outburst which would neutralize the local unicorns. And that would be potentially disastrous, taking down their shielded positions, etc.

4915062
Thanks for clearing that up.