This is the original version of the first story I've ever written, over the course of three months as a brand new writer in late 2014.
I'm including these chapters here as a record of how the story looked when it began. This was the prototype for what would, over many years, become Black Feather. The story has gone through multiple complete rewrites, but this was the initial version. Enjoy reading my clumsy first steps into the world of writing!
Note: I will make the chapters visible again after Black Feather is published to avoid spoilers.
Commissioned cover art by SilFoe
Special thanks to onlyanorthernsong for encouraging me to write this and helping to envision Pen Stroke's Nyx as an adult.
Extra thanks to Pen Stroke for permission to write the adult version of his character Nyx.
Very nice - congrats on getting the first chapter posted Recon! Looking forward to seeing chapter 2!
Why is nightmare misspelled in the title as nitemare?
5497424 It's all in the FAQ.
As one of the proofreaders and editors on this, I can say after working on it for months, that I envy each and every one of you that will experience it for the first time.
Welcome on Board and Enjoy the ride.
But do fasten your seatbelts.....
5497427
Umm...not to be 'that person' or anything, but why not Knightmare Nyx? It would provide a similar symbolic distancing without looking as much like a bad typo. If anything, the allusion to a code of honor as a knight of the realm would do more for her image.
The struggle begins.
5497445
While it's not a bad idea, it's a little late for that now. Thanks for the suggestion though! That's certainly a creative play on words.
5497491
5497478
Ehhh. I'll have to pass on this story. My brain can't see it as anything other than a typo, so it would just aggravate me every time I see it. Good luck though.
5497516
Okay. Best wishes. You'll be missing out on quite an adventure. If you change your mind, I'm sure you won't regret it.
5497523
I have my own stories to write, and a backlog of unread chapters that I'm ashamed of. I have my own blended crossover with FO:E to plot out, so I am sincerely hoping that yours does a good job of loosening sticks from orifices in some stuck-up members of the FO:E fandom.
5497543 Many thanks. Have a great day!
Woah, you posted early...oh well. I hope I am not showing too much favortism by faving now!
MFW people downvote this story.
5497596
Early my ass. It would have been last week had there not been any hiccups haha
5497631
On the bright side, 2 downvotes and 22 upvotes in this space of time aint nothing to sneeze at.
5497445
In considering changing the title to Knightmare Nyx. I do have to admit that this is a rather clever pun, but what I'm wondering is if it's too punny.
Also, it's good to remember that this is a story about Nyx finding her virtue and changing herself more than it is about her deeds. In this way, Nitemare is actually more fitting than Knightmare. I'm still on the fence and want to hear what people think.
In light of this, I think I'll ask the readers what they think. Not that I will make a decision purely based on the results of this, but I do feel it would be best to at least hear what people's opinions are on the matter.
I've also been wanting an excuse to make a StrawPoll.
Please vote here! (rather than filling up the comments section on this topic)
But vote based on what you personally like. Not what you necessarily think others would like.
5497985
I actually never thought of it as a pun when I suggested it. Silly me for overlooking how people would find it chuckle-worthy.
I'm about 55/45 on either.
Thing is both spellings give a different, but valid impression. With Nite it can be a more subtle thing which focuses on the struggle Nyx has to go through to find the balance between nightmare moon and the protector 'Nite Mare' ... With Knight it could focus on the cutie mark of the shield and how it impacts Nyx that she can't protect her people the way she wants.
But then, Knight could be too much of a straight up description whereas Nite is more of a nickname.
I got $20 that people are down voting the fix because of the title. Then a further $20 that says it's all one person down voting the comment section.
5498606
It boggles the mind why anyone at all would downvote something they haven't actually read. I was hoping people would share their thoughts on how they thought the actual story was lacking - if it is. I'm perfectly open to constructive criticism. Lay it on.
5498108 which is why I prefer Knight. Nite doesnt mean anything. Of course it could end up meaning something in the story itself, but that means that the first time reader wont know it and might skip over the story. Knight has an obvious symbolism.
5498626 there is a reflexive hate of all things F:OE related and a reflexive hate of all things Nyx related. it is a small hatedom ( these two worlds would not be massively popular if they did not resonate with lots and lots of people) but it is alas, a very very very vocal one.
5498684
Agreed. Which is why I fall on the side of Knight, not Nite. :)
Good news is that the Like/Dislike is positive, but bad news is... nothing, really. I liked this.
Quick question: post-Littlehorn or pre-Littlehorn? I feel post-Littlehorn due to Luna being the go-to figure, but...
5498918
The story takes place six months after the Littlehorn massacre.
5498821 people who don't like Nyx .. what on earth is the point of writing a comment saying something like this on a story featuring Nyx??? Do you seriously think that Recon, or myself in my stories featuring Nyx, or anyone else who writes her, will suddenly go " oh yeah thanks commenter, I have seen the error of my ways. Guess I am gonna go find a new main charachter now!".
Why don't you guys keep your cheap potshots over on your "I hate nyx" threads or whatever? You are not going to precisely win over any hearts and minds over here.
very intersting hope to to see this bloom into an amazing story, it it a very intersting start to a FE fic and Nyx just makes it sweeter
To the many people who have favorited this story today, you have my humble thanks!
I just want to let you know that I am committed to seeing this thing through to its completion, and to give you all the absolute best story possible. I'm currently editing the 2nd chapter, and will be publishing it as soon as we're satisfied that it is perfect.
Despite the drive-by downvotes, I am not deterred. There's an epic story coming, and chapter one just scratches the surface. You can always check my profile page for an update on how the story is doing, and if you notice, I've already got eight chapters pretty much written. I won't leave you wondering what's going on, and I plan on being interactive with your comments.
Feel free to leave comments about the story itself or ask as many questions as you like.
Okay, smart author. Same question as always: why specifically Nyx, and why do you need FoE?
5499422
Because it is the best setting for her to go through the necessary development and struggles to complete her character arc.
The Fo:E setting is ideal for this. It is a vivid, elaborate environment with well thought out internal structure. What would be better?
Also, thank you for being the 2nd person to ask an actual question relevant to the story itself.
5499429
Never occured to you that Nyx never existed in FoEverse?
5499436
I'm sorry, were you not aware that this is a crossover?
This is an Alternate Universe based on certain events from Fo:E. It never claims to be canon to Fo:E. No side story is canon. You should know that.
5499441 I am pretty aware that FoE is crossover of canonical-based MLPverse and Fallout. Now please show me where you get Nyx in first one.
5499445 I'm having difficulty determining if you're seriously not understanding what I meant by "this is a crossover" or if you're just trying to mess with my head.
5499445
I'm just going to put this here...
i.imgur.com/vWVRdrS.jpg
5499452 I am having nice and clear: "this is a crossover" is not an excuse for putting Nyx in FoE. FoE is crossover (or mash-up, as someone told me sometime). You are just using Nyx just for I don't know what.
My claims here are simple: you are using Nyx just because you wanted to use Nyx. Whatever plot and character development you have in mind, I am pretty sure you can put it in totally new OC which fits in FoEverse perfectly. You don;t need specifically Nyx for that.
Many people with sense will have troubles with believing in "Nyx struggling in FoE".
5499466
You use the word "excuse" as if I have done something objectively wrong (as opposed to it being merely your opinion).
Is there some rule against blending the universes of Past Sins and Fallout: Equestria that I was not aware of? If so, please direct me to that rule.
Thank you for your concern.
5499482
I am saying what I don't like in a fic and why I don't like it.
No there isn't. Just a sense of logic only.
Inb4 "I can do it then, since it is not forbidden": the moment you are submitting something, you are fully responcible for any opinion you will get. World isn't going around "I want".
5499492
Well thank you for clarifying that this is your opinion.
You are, of course, welcome to your own opinion. But you began by speaking with a tone which suggested that your opinion was fact.
Feel free to not like what you don't like - I'm not here to shove my story down your throat, and nobody is forcing you to read it.
Look, pal, I'm writing a Nyx story here. This isn't just some random insert for the hell of it. The entire story is about Nyx and the change she is going through inherent to her specific nature. You can't see the purpose behind this because you are not aware of what the story is about. I can excuse that ignorance, but I don't have to tolerate your misguided views that I've made a poor casting decision here. There is more going on than you realize. I'm sorry if you can't handle it and bring yourself to enjoy it.
5499466 Well I guess that time will tell if Nyx is the right character for the story. It's good that you question this, it is essential for this concept to work that this be Nyx's story. I raised this concern when I first read this story, and having preread part of it I got to watch Nyx's importance and role in the story grow and grow, and after many lengthy discussions with the author I truly believe that this is indeed a story about Nyx, and a continuation from where her story left off in Past Sins. But that is really up for you to decide, and to do that you must keep reading.
Now as far as this goes, I'll simply say that this story is a piece of fiction... as all stories on this site are. In fiction we are given the opportunity to put all canons and realities aside and truly explore something new. It's the magic "What if?" that makes fiction so interesting after all. For instance: What if Pinkie Pie had actually been a psycho killer all along? Or what if a human found a filly Rainbow Dash in a box on the side walk one day? These stories do not fit into any sort of MLP canon, but it is the fact that they are exploring new concepts that make it all interesting! So, what if Nyx played a role in the Fallout Equestria Universe?! Actually the concept is rich with potential, so long as it is done right! From what I read I believe that this story has indeed been done right, but like I said, only time can truly tell.
5499492
Your concerns reflect you, and you alone. Along with your logic and the rest of your comments, it is asinine to second-guess why Recon chose Nyx for his story.
Some people arbitrarily make certain choices because that's either; what they want to do, it's what makes sense for them, or other contrived reason.
Having spoken with Recon on a personal level, he is a big fan of the Fallout games and has read Past Sins to his daughter. This is his story, he can choose whoever he wants to be his protagonist.
If this is something you're not liking, then by all means take it up with the complaint department about how something is not to your liking and how it should be fixed accordingly, and that way we will all be happy.
Have a good day.
5499502 I understand that fiction is all about "what if", but my two bits is that there are authors who are writing to tell a story and there are authors who simply want to write something about something. I dislike second type - those guys mostly don't care about the quality of content.
And sadly, "what if Nyx played major role in FoE" is answered in original story, and the answer is "no, she didn't. There was no Nyx".
The point is Recon must decide, what he wants: he wants either to tell us story of some character developing, or he wants to write a fic with Nyx specifically in FoE specifically.
5499517 Well we're honestly well beyond that point, Recon has decided where he wants to go with this story and just how Nyx will fit into this. I'm still standing by what I said earlier: This is indeed a continuation of Nyx's story. But I've had the privilege of reading ahead. Honestly the argument that you are trying to make is coming Waaaaaay too soon, you have barely scratched the surface of this story. So I insist that you be patient and wait for future chapters, It takes a little while for Nyx's role to really come into play, but when all the building blocks are set and the story takes fold THEN you can decide whether or not Nyx is right for this story.
5499515
And your liking is only your liking. It doesn't make your opinion more true towards my opinion. There is a difference between "I want to use this character because of things I can do" and "I want to use that character because I wanted to".
That's why we don't have nice things, yeah. "If you don't like, then don't read and leave!".
Needless to say this is so wrong, yeah. Giving feedback is essential. And inb4 "you are not talking about the story": I am talking about characters and their role. And those are the part of every story.
No u!
5499523
Then I repeat myself: I don't see why specifically Nyx. Everything will work fine if Recon just made up his own OC for this story.
Building a story is like building a house: you need to use proper tools at a proper time at a proper place. Characters and universe are the tools, and I said that using Nyx and FoE together to tell some development is like nailing nails with bare hands.
I would be totally cool with made up OCs till they are good and not Mary Sues. I just don't understand the point of using specifically Nyx, who is, like, living in her own universe.
5499517
You're absolutely right. I am the former type, however. I have a story to tell, and I'm determined to do a damn good job with it. Now, you're welcome to come along on the adventure. Or not. It's up to you. But it's going to be good.
You speak as if those two choices are mutually exclusive. They are not. I'm writing a story with Nyx developing as a character while surrounded by the events from the Fo:E universe.
Maybe you missed Kkat's blog about canon where she talks about how it's perfectly okay to do stuff like this.
My story is not canon Fo:E. It is its own continuity. In my story, Nyx does exist and the events of the great war leading up to the megaspells exist as well. What part of this is confusing for you? If you can't handle authors making up scenarios, you might as well completely give up on all forms of fiction.
5499548 Well theh, I am outta here. I wish you luck though. Gaining skill is cool and good and must be encouraged.
5499544 I understand your argument, but please understand when I say that you are asking the right questions at the wrong time. Trust me, there is honestly no part of a story that is of greater interest to me then the character. From their role to their development, I will claim that Character is the most important aspect of any story, because the Character acts as a window through which the reader can experience the story! As the story changes and develops the reader needs an instrument through which they can observe this change and build an emotional connection to the story. But we're talking about things that take time to develop. You're literally on the first chapter, and you haven't had a chance to see Nyx's involvement in the grander scheme of things, you haven't seen what kind of pressures that pile on her forcing her to grow and make choices, and you haven't seen what the wasteland has to offer Nyx as a character, or what Nyx has to offer the wasteland. Recon has already told you his reasons why this is a story about Nyx in the FO:E universe, "Because it is the best setting for her to go through the necessary development and struggles to complete her character arc." And this is something that you are going to have to take with faith or skepticism... either one is fine, but this isn't something that can be proven or disproven on the very first chapter.
5499544
A totally valid concern. And as Follow Focus has said, your (valid) concern is a bit premature. Have a little faith. I can (and have) made this work.
Sure, I could have made up my OC for this story. But my inspiration was to complete Nyx's specific character arc. I'm not sure if you've read Past Sins or not, but the entire premise is fantastic. Nightmare Moon becoming resurrected in her own body as an innocent filly, and going through the trials of persecution and pledging herself to protect ponies until her dying breath and then being transformed back into a filly and given to Twilight to be raised. This is the story which I want to see finished. This is a story which I believe is worth finishing well. No other Nyx side-story explores her adult life or the fulfillment of her promise from when she got her cutie mark.
If I were to make my own OC and tell the story I want to tell, I'd be accused of plagiarism because the story I want to tell is the completion of Nyx's story.
Actually I view it as kind of the opposite. Not using these preexisting characters and settings is like programming a computer game from scratch rather than using a game framework like Unreal Engine. Nyx is a character with fantastic unexplored potential. And the Great War is a vastly unexplored landscape of storytelling possibilities. Blending the two is an ambition that makes me motivated to do this project! It's the only reason I have even begun writing. And my life has been enriched because of it.
Well, if I may quote our friend Interloper (since he is not online yet to contribute to this lively discussion) here was his first impression:
5499544
Writing is about creation. No one should write anything that they don't enjoy because they think that there are more stories to tell. Everyone should write the story they want to tell. There's no story that can't be good, conceptually. It depends on the execution. Your objections seem strange to me. "Why write about this character?"
The answer is always, "Because I want to, and it's my story, so if you don't like this character, you can go over there."
5499581
As for you, Recon, I generally like the changes that you've made and I feel comfortable giving chapter one a rating of 7.5 out of 10. This does feel cluttered due to the amount of stuff you've crammed in here, but the scenes themselves work fine. I think you'll look back at this when you start your next story and find better ways to structure your first chapter for that one. This does tend to feel less about establishing your characters and more about hitting the ground running, but you still do try to put emphasis on sitting down and letting us get to know the characters as if the pacing of the chapter was different. Honestly, while this may seem the way to balance the two, it's probably the worst way to do it.
Either you want to have a ton of action and little glimpses of the character as you go, or you want a nice, relaxing establishing chapter where you get to know all of the characters and the world you're going to be in for a while. Having both styles in the same chapter in such close proximity feels a bit like having your cake and eating it too, and it results in a tone that's a little confusing. The following chapters will probably be much cleaner, but I wish we did take the time to focus some of the scenes a bit. This might work if you had less stuff going on, so don't think I mean that you can't HAVE both, but it didn't work here.
What makes it worth reading to me are the characters and dialogue and prose itself. You've come a long way in all three, and I'd say that all of them are at least enjoyable. You have more of a focus in terms of your prose, if not your scenes, and while it can be somewhat confusing in tone sometimes, you did the best with what you have and tarted it up to make it much more engaging. It's messy for a while, but it picks up around the second half once you give the audience some time to relax and enjoy themselves for a while before going back to the action.
However, more than anything, It's the little touches that you've put in that I enjoy. Tiny, tiny things that spice up the story and give it some depth are what separates the decent stories from the above-average ones. I'm curious to see how you're going to continue on in the next chapter, given that you haven't cleaned it up that much yet, but I think it will come out much better than this one. I look forward to it.