Dragonfire, a confident mercenary mare, takes her wasteland life as it comes. Little does she know that she is more special than she had realised—so much so that somepony lurking in the shadows has been waiting for her for a long time.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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OI! That is not fair, updating your story when I am already so far behind, and have just completed a chapter in another story to get my read later list down, and then you update and keep it at the same number! Stop being productive until I stop slacking off and being behind like this!
9405041 My most humble of apologies.
Its maybe an year and a half since I read my last chapter of this story, but mark my word, at some point am I gonna catch up with your latest chapter! Mark my words I say
So first of all, totally called that Dragonfire was pregnant, but they keep talking about her carrying a foal, must admit with the things going on, the pregnancy moving along so quickly (fun fact, ponies are pregnant for about an year, so it should go slower than with humans, not faster!) My caps is on some kind of parasite, chestburster like with a ton of extra legs and what not... ehh that would kill her at the birthing, so properly not the most likely thing to happen.
Nitpicks:
"Okay, maybe she wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Goddesses, what kind of influence was I having on her?" This is a thought, so should be in present tense, not past.
"groaning like he'd just woken up from too fun of a night." missing a "much"
"So what about you?" You forgot to end the sentence with a "
"just in time for the larger buck to staggered back into her prone form and fall backwards over her. " Just stagger, no ed.
"And this was why I preferred having my weapons in my magic! " Thoughts so present tense.
" once I get back home I'm going to sue you for every penny for this... " I do actually not know if ponies used any smaller coinage than the golden bit.
" so what do think about you getting first dibs when we get in there? " I would move the you so it becomes "what do you think about getting"
"My mind snapped, backed up by a twinge in my gut." should just be normal text, not italics.