Dragonfire, a confident mercenary mare, takes her wasteland life as it comes. Little does she know that she is more special than she had realised—so much so that somepony lurking in the shadows has been waiting for her for a long time.
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8996390
If you feel like the story is so gramatically lacking that you can hardly read it, would the biggest improvement to the stories quality simply be that you commented on the mistakes that you found.
Like this is the first comment that I have seen you post on this story, and sitting in the shadows, booing over how bad a story is, and not pointing out any of the mistakes that it does are not helping anyone. I myself know how taxing it can be to point every last mistake out for a reader, but you could at least write a few lines about the most common mistakes.
So if you like the story as you say, then comment some more on it, help improve by highlighting the points that make you like the story but also the flaws as well.
Ha! I did apparently steal the first comment on this chapter without even trying! Damn I am amazing at times.
And why wouldn't she be okay? Well morning sickness for starters...
Nitpicks:
" she went on her image flickering between the mare I'd seen and that of a very simualr looking l filly curled up in tears." similar and delete
" with no idea what affects my stuttering would have." effect
"only now able to fill realize how terrified I'd been as adrenalin coursed through me." fully
"I ain't even a...." delete a period
" Without thought I swept him up in my magic an placed him upon my back" and
" which way is it to the way out of here?" delete
"what in Equestria was invisible to one of these things? " is
"my mind only now realizing just how close I'd just been to death just." door
"Cherry had fallen back into and now I was sitting directly atop her" Delete
"this was awkward but damn it, Brain! This was not the time for hot," Thoughts is (almost) always in present tense
"I staggered back with a blushing furiously under my helmet" While
" death pony" missing a dealing
" motion to myself" motioning
" |Even if her current smile was far smaller than I'd have hoped." delete