jumpscare · 7:33pm Oct 27th, 2022
Boo 
Hey, it's me. Been a while, hasn't it? Yeah, it has. I've not been very active online at all, due to various factors. I've spoken to my bf and a few friends, but even then, it's been very sporadic and spontaneous. But I guess I just want to chat about what I've been up to, mental health and all those sorts of things. I will warn you, little brief mentions of what may or may not be some PTSD, so if you don't want to read further, I understand. However, I've tried my hardest to not include anything that could upset anyone in here.
This is the seventh or eighth time I've tried to sit down and write this blog, so here goes.
First things first, this year is my exam year. Glorious. I believe I have until next May to memorise every part of the courses for all of my subjects so that I can pass my exams and get into college. So most of my time is being taken up with revision, homework, studying, you get the idea. It's annoying that I have less free time to spend on the things I enjoy, and the idea of taking my exams in a few months' time is stressful to think about. Then again, I know that it's just something that everyone in the UK and probably most countries around the world has to go through nowadays, and remembering that I'm not the only one gives me just a little bit of extra comfort when I'm feeling down or stressed about exams.
Also, I had a bit of a realisation at the back end of last week which has given me a lot more to think about all at once than I would've liked. As much as I previously believed that I'd moved on from this thing and become comfortable with talking about it with people who I trust, I guess one particular event from my past has affected me more than I thought. Last Friday I had a hospital appointment just to talk about my physical health, but that somehow triggered something within me to remember all the details of this one horrifying event. It's still vivid in my mind now, just thinking about it, and I'm someone who doesn't store memories of events particularly well.
Before last week, I didn't think it was something I would need to go to a psychologist over. Things change, though, and if the doctor says I need to talk to a psychologist to get some of this stuff off of my chest and find some way of not freaking out when it's brought up in conversation, then that's something that I'm more than happy to do. I want to be able to move on from this stuff and just get on with my life. It's been holding me back for long enough, even without me realising it, apparently. Enough is enough. I just want to move on.
... are those tears in my eyes? That's a new one, and I must admit, I feel a little bit stupid about crying about it. I know, don't tell me, I'm allowed to cry about these things, but I still feel stupid. I guess it's just the thought that it all happened a few years ago and I should be over it by now.
Anyway.
Nothing else really significant has happened in my life. The UK is short on news; we've only got a new Prime Minister again. They seem to chop and change every couple of weeks now. Some of them can't even outlast a lettuce, but oh well. I guess that's politics for you.
Really I think Larry the Chief Mouser of Downing Street should take over. Just look at him.
He's adorable, and he's outlasted, uh hold on... four Prime Ministers now. Yeah, at this point, Larry deserves to be in charge. 
Now that my rambling and ranting is over, I'm interested to hear from you guys. I've been trying to catch up with my feed here when I can, but the odd few blog posts may have sneaked past. As always, I hope it's good news, but if you do need to rant about anything negative going on in your lives right now, I'm here to listen.
Thank you for reading this. 
~ Angel
You poor dear, here a cute Tails to cheer you up
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I know... I just... I know it's probably a cliche by now, but I don't want to be a burden... I'm stupid
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Thank you
Getting professional psychological help is not only necessary sometimes, it's also very helpful. I've been going to therapy for a little over a year now after that whole ordeal with my best and only friend... well, leaving unexpectedly one day spiralled into a whole set of depressive anxiety states. It got so bad that during my own exam year I had to switch to a hybrid of homeschooling and normal learning.
As for how I've been doing...? Okay, I suppose. It's weird.
The current schoolyear is the first year of college for me. It's way different than high school was, but paradoxically, I could say I actually, somehow, have more free time than I used to.
Other than that, I've just been feeling burned out, I guess... I have no energy for anything nowadays, and I'm here less than I used to as well. I fell a bit out of contact with most of my friends, be it online or IRL, although to be fair it's mostly my fault, for various reasons. I have this insecurity about potentially causing a falling out with others that prevents me from messaging them at all, for example. Most of my online activity nowadays is concentrated around Discord, but I still come here for a few seconds at a time to check for notifications and potentially new blogs from Nocturnalis, Ired, you, game_of_pages and Felicity.
That's mostly been my world recently, haha. I know I am probably in the best time of my life, but truly, I feel as though my Golden Age has long passed. Which is subjective, of course, but oh well.
Nice to hear from you again. Very nice indeed.
life is bad but it will get better. the thing that is important is to never back down
(btw uk is colony of south asia source:it came to me in the form of a dream)
OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD NO
NOT THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As a fellow student, I really can relate to that. Although there are still two years until I actually do the exam that decides which college I go to, life is incredibly stressful nowadays as well. Every month we do an exam that adjusts our classes and in a week or two it is going to happen again.(over here there are only school issues, but they are very big ones)
It’s not that I am bad at tests so that I might get pushed down to the worse classes, because I have a record of doing pretty well. It is actually the expectations that make me afraid of my skills being rusty over a few weeks of online courses (the pandemic still hits hard sometimes), and there are just so many good people around me and that simply being around them and doing regular tests are really stressful. I know I am smart, but there are just a few things that somehow I always fail to do recently and it makes me feel a bit worthless.(like reciting stories in old languages, doing quizzes about hyperbolas, and analyzing forces on an object)
Maybe I am just too lazy, who knows, but I have been slacking off because I simply can’t work under that kind of stress, and it has been distracting me a lot because I need something to forget about it.
And everyone around me seems to have things figured out, but I am still panicking inside.
Anyway, you are not alone under pressure, we are here and we can feel you.
Love from literally the other side of earth.
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FIITJEE?
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Um, what?
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i thought u went to 'school' called FIITJEE since we have similar conditions
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No, there are countless schools in the world, I don't know why you would just assume that I study in that specific school, I am quite certain we don't even live in the same country. In my country, lots of schools are like this, and this is VERY normal.
It is a high bar to reach, but I am still trying very hard.
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Well that's okay i guess, hope you do good in school
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Thanks, I remember that you also study under a lot of stress, so I hope that you can work better as well.
have some respect from another struggling student, all the way from China.
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same, love from India💙