Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Pt. 5 · 11:43am Jul 31st, 2022
Once again, there’s enough G5 material in the hopper for two weeks of contemporary card blogs. Let’s begin with the Tell Your Tale backlog. Rest assured that I’ll have plenty to say about the comics next week.
“Oh my glitter” is certainly an interesting exclamation. I’m half-tempted to capitalize that and make somepony named Glitter the folk hero or patron deity of Zephyr Heights. The first that comes to mind is Glitter Drops, Tempest Shadow’s childhood friend who reconnected with her thanks to Cadence’s machinations in the comics, and that raises some fascinating questions in its own right.
But that is a story for another day…
The crown princess telling a guard to “light ‘em up” could be taken in a very different context. 
Huh. Of all holidays, Mare’s Day is still a thing. I suppose it was generic enough to survive the fall of Old Equestria, or obvious enough to be recreated afterwards.
Also, it’s weird to hear Pipp refer to her mother as “the queen.”
My sense of dramatic irony fully expects Fifi to inherit the crown somehow.
Oh, I love the dramatic entrance into the throne room. The princesses are utterly fed up with Haven, and their friends are clearly there to keep the entire royal family alive by the time this all resolves.
“I even made an appointment with Zoom this time!”
Seriously, Haven, if you’re not going to make your Zoom call, why even bother setting the reminder? 
It feels more than a little odd for Zipp to offer to take on Haven’s duties for the day when avoiding her royal duties was her primary motivation in Make Your Mark. Of course, one has to take the context into account. This isn’t a matter of Zipp wanting to maximize her personal time for friends and research, but her wanting to do her mother a much-needed favor. Especially since Haven has accepted that Zipp has no interest in inheriting the throne any time soon.
That said, I do appreciate Haven pointing out the discrepancy.
Why would the royal to-do list be… Oh. It’s not a pile of individual emails. It’s a pile of individual appointments.
It says something when newborn foals seem to have more mature plumage than Pipp. Maybe it’s a special wing shampoo that has her feathers looking that downy?
Also, given how this room (nursery?) is covered in foalhood pictures of the royal sisters, I have to wonder if they’re related to these foals.
Also also, foals being more trouble than their worth seems to be an intergenerational constant.
Whoever prepared those ceremonial shears is getting fired. And possibly imprisoned.
Oh, for the love of… Pipp, stop letting your sister sweat during the press conference and step in. This is your department. That said, I do appreciate Zipp taking a look at the construction plans in th next shot. She is something of an engineer herself, after all.
I do hope somepony actually read whatever the sisters are signing.
“Being queen is much harder than it looks.”
I do have to appreciate that coming from the resident alicorn. Wherever she is, Twilight’s smirking at that.
A little heavy on the cringe comedy for my taste, but this one was fun. And it gives us a better sense of Haven’s role in Zephyr Heights. Definitely not just a figurehead, that mare. (Though she and Zoom do still have some degree of blame in terms of not scraping out a hole in her schedule on a major holiday. Yes, the kingdom never stops, but I feel this is one case where it could reasonably slow down.)
Hmm. Is this the first time “cutie mark” has been even implicitly used in G5? There’s still a number of questions about them in this era, from asymmetry to their cultural significance to how they showed up at all during the Ebb of Magic. But that’s a matter for another day.
“All of Equestria’s a stage, Sunny.”
And so, once again, we hit the ambiguity issue with whether that’s referring to the world, the nation, or just the stretch of coastline that this enclave of surviving pony civilization calls home. (I remain convinced that they’re actually a failed colony in the Undiscovered West and the rest of Equestria is doing fine. Again, we’ll get to the comics next week.)
I have to appreciate how Izzy’s headset seems to be made from ribbons and pipe cleaners, yet still works… more or less fine. The materials may explain the reception problem.
I do seriously dislike how unicorns all have horns of the same color.
Heh. Make what you will of Haven tackling Alphabittle out of the rain of volleyballs.
“With all of Equestria competing for the first time…”
Yeah, definitely holding by that failed colony hypothesis. That mysterious alicorn had better have a doozy of an explanation for how we got from the Twilit Era to three variably functional towns and not a single other sapient race in sight. (Well, other than Hitch’s dragon.) And if they didn’t want any connection to G4, they shouldn’t have built the movie around one. Heck, Sunny’s still wearing those Mane Six cutie mark buttons.
Ah, a disciple of friendship thinking that just because she’s an alicorn, she’s not allowed to ask for help. Speaking of connections to G4…
Also, it is nice to see the Equestria Games reestablished. It’s like the modern Olympics taking inspiration from antiquity… though hopefully with less ice archery.
You’d think they’d have prepared a contingency during the volleyball event if it got impaled on a unicorn. Also, Sunny blew the whistle, Izzy. Those are dead balls you’re waving around.
Pegasi and earth ponies trying to outcheat one another during what’s supposed to be a race for fun while the main protagonist watches in frustration. Wow, they’re really piling on the nostalgia with this one.
Also, feel free to throw out disqualifications, Sunny. If you’re going to officiate, that means hitting ponies with the consequences of their actions.
I do appreciate the ways each tribe uses their magic during the rowing event. The seaweed’s a nice touch, but my favorite bit is Izzy’s dignified expression as the unicorns animate their oars.
Of course Hitch would be a rules lawyer. I dread seeing what he’s like during a game of Ogres & Oubliettes.
Oh boy. I had hoped that Make Your Mark had fixed the fragility of pony magic in this world, but that evidently wasn’t the case. Honestly, it’s kind of horrifying. That “play nice or else” ultimatum doesn’t foster genuine harmony, just smiling and nodding in the hopes that the crystals don’t explode.
Mind you, it does also serve as the kick in the pants that can lead to productive solutions. Still, I’d much rather have the Cutie Map’s enigmatic suggestions to bolster the rainbow than this nightmare.
It makes sense that Haven would offer the insight Sunny needs right now. Alphabittle makes sense as the closest thing Bridlewood had to a leader when everypony else was conumed by ennui. What I want to know is where Phyllis is in all of this. We know she’s still in town. i have to wonder if she just decided to opt out of the whole event. (I also wonder how Canterlogic’s doing after Sunny filled their primary market niche with concrete.)
On the one hand, Sunny really shouldn’t need a reminder about how important it is guide these chucklenuts. On the other, it’s easy to see how she made the mistake of tribally sorted teams. After all, the Old Equestria Games had teams based on cities. It’s just that the integration of each city is still a work in progress. (It’s not a perfect explanation, but it’s the one I’m going with.)
Interesting to see a thermometer of all things on Hitch’s bag strap. That said, I do like the mechanical gripper arm for holding things in front of him. Another fine Canterlogic product?
I’m a bit concerned about that self-lighting campfire for what I hope are self-evident reasons.
“That shmoogleberry pie isn’t gonna shmooglebake itself!”
I’m going to chalk this up to Izzy’s influence.
And after the very reasonable gripper arm, Hitch holds a spork with magnetic hooves. 
Huh. This is a first. We’re not usually privy to the translator’s perspective when talking to the wildlife. Also, we have canon terms for the raccoonicorns and pegasnails. No explanation for how they came about, but that may be asking a bit much.
“That’s just a rolled-up leaf!”
“You’re just a rolled-up leaf!”
Well-reasoned arguments from both sides here. Slap fights are the surest sign of great intellects at work.
Yeah, the thing about open combat is that it is a simple solution. On paper, anyway. Especially when you had siege weapons available for just such an occasion.
“Rules and regulations fix everything!”
Oh, how I wish he were right…
Huh. I was not expecting a song.
I do like the snails visibly using mucus as a way to grasp and manipulate objects. Disgusting, yes, but strangely adorable.
I also appreciate the realism of finding ever more ludicrous exploits even during the very idealistic song about how rules solve everything.
I can’t help but think the translation cut out just in time to avoid the child-unfriendly dialogue from both sides. Also, funny how the magic doesn’t seem to care how well non-pony creatures get along.
At first, I heard the raccoonicorn’s line as “Unless it has to do with bacon, I don’t wanna hear about it,” and I was very confused.
Also, how does a snail use an oven? How does a snail acquire an oven? These questions also apply to the raccoons, but I feel it’s more relevant for the gastropods.
As Sunny said, there’s magic in unity. But there’s no guarantee that that magic will be on your side.
Ah, the plight of the stage magician in a world where magic has returned. Also, whoever wrote “mare-aculous” needs to be smacked with a newspaper.
Also also, very interesting reuse of a name with Hoofdini. Another question of just what history survived the intervening years. Heck, going by Rufus’s outfit and patter, he seems just as inspired by Trixie as her role model.
Even with the very visible wires, I’m still impressed. Unless Rufus has an unseen team of handlers, he still has Spider-Man levels of open-air wirework expertise. After all, where is he hanging all those lines from?
I do like the riff on The Final Countdown they use for Rufus’s leitmotif.
Okay, I know it’s for a gag, but that random unicorn lifting an entire house is kind of absurd.
Another earth pony with magical difficulties? Well, hopefully this one doesn’t flood the town with pollen.
I mean, yes, rendering the key inaccessible is part of escape artistry, but you also have to be able to escape. You’d think Rufus would understand that part.
Thus far, it looks like Rufus’s best shot at alternate employment is a white-hat security tester. (Seriously, man, perform the prestige. Pledge and turn are not enough.)
Rufus’s cutie mark does raise some intriguing questions. It seems to be the astrological sign for Gemini. This could be an oblique reference to Hermes through the sign’s ruling planet, a god of thieves and tricksters. More straightforwardly, he may be missing a partner to really bring the act together. Or I’m putting more thought into it than the character designer did. 
Heh. Zephyr Heights-based cellular networks are poorly optimized below a certain altitude.
Ah. I was half-right with the mark speculation. Rufus’s act needs a volunteer from the audience. What’s a magician without the lovely assistant?
Definitely showing Izzy in her best light, this one. Which is more than I can say for the other shorts this time around. Exploring her character beyond “non sequitur injection device” seems to be difficult for shorts that don’t focus on her. It’s the Pinkie problem; if you can’t write her well, she just comes out annoying.
Still, all told, these were quite fun. Even if the existential nightmare of magic’s fragility is a horrific plot device on multiple levels. Still, plenty of material to work with. Let’s see what I can do with it:
Joint Treaty 1WW
Enchantment
As Joint Treaty enters the battlefield, choose an opponent.
When Joint Treaty enters the battlefield, you and the chosen opponent each draw two cards.
When you attack the chosen opponent or a planeswalker they control or when they attack you or a planeswalker you control, sacrifice Joint Treaty. If you do, defending player draws two cards.
Burden of Leadership 2W
Enchantment
When Burden of Leadership enters the battlefield, target player becomes the monarch.
The monarch can’t cast more than one spell each turn.
Any ruler with two spare seconds to rub together is slacking off.
Mucus Shot 2W
Instant
Choose one or both —
• Tap target creature.
• Untap target creature. Put a vigilance counter on it.
“Oh. They discovered aerial bombardment. Great.”
—Hitch Trailblazer, Maretime Bay sherrif
Deploy the Lanterns 3W
Instant
Cast this spell only during combat after blockers are declared.
For each creature attacking you or a planeswalker you control, create a 1/1 colorless Construct artifact creature with flying that’s blocking that creature.
Adamant — If at least three white mana was spent to cast this spell, blocking creatures you control gain first strike until end of turn.
Ironshell Artillerists 3W
Creature — Slug Soldier
Ironshell Artillerists doesn’t untap during your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay 3. If you do, untap Ironshell Artillerists.
T: Ironshell Artillerists deals 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature.
Siege mentality comes easily to snails.
3/4
Zephyr Heights Regent 5W
Creature — Pegasus Noble
Flying
When Zephyr Heights Regent enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
As long as you’re the monarch, creatures without flying can’t attack you.
“Appointments only, please.”
3/3
“Rule For That” 1U
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on “Rule For That”.
Addendum — U, Sacrifice “Rule For That”: Tap up to X target creatures, where X is the number of verse counters on “Rule For That”. If you activated this ability during your main phase, those creatures don’t untap during their contollers’ next untap steps.
Royal Secretary 1U
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
T: Scry 1. If you’re the monarch, scry 2 instead.
“… and after that, we have two coups and a monster attack that I triple-booked. They should cancel each other out. Then your four o’ clock…”
1/1
Arcane Trickster 2U
Creature — Pony Wizard Rogue
Ranged Legerdemain — U, T: You may tap or untap another target artifact or creature.
“Of course I can make it reappear, but what’s the rush?”
1/3
Common Ground 2UU
Sorcery
Choose a power, toughness, or mana value. If you control more creatures with the chosen value than each other player, you gain control of all creatures with that value. (For example, if you choose power 2, you can gain control of all creatures with power of exactly 2. This effect lasts indefinitely.)
Uncanny Prestidigitation 4UU
Instant
Tap all creatures your opponents control and untap all creatures you control.
Miracle 1U (You may cast this card for its miracle cost when you draw it if it’s the first card you drew this turn.)
Faith innervates and enervates in equal measure.
Devious Loophole 2B
Instant
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is 3 plus twice the number of counters on that creature.
Every new rule Hitch made presented two new exploits.
Play to Win 2B
Sorcery
Assist (Another player can pay up to 2 of this spell’s cost.)
Each player who didn’t spend mana to cast this spell sacrifices a creature.
“Otherwise, why bother playing at all?”
—Princess Zipp Storm
Waning Harmony 4B
Sorcery
Choose three target creatures and/or enchantments controlled by the same opponent. That player sacrifices two of them.
Adamant — If at least three black mana was spent to cast this spell, that player sacrifice all of those permanents instead.
In time, magic will heal. In time.
Rambunctious Youth 1R
Enchantment
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield, Rambunctious Youth deals 1 damage to that creature’s controller.
“If that’s the next generation, I’m hiring more guards.”
—Princess Zipp Storm
Rain of Debris 2RR
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, exile an artifact card from your graveyard.
Rain of Debris deals X damage to each nonartifact creature, where X is the exiled card’s mana value.
Most ponies ran. Izzy had to be dragged away from the new supplies.
Spike Melts the Clouds 2RR
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter.)
I — Put an ice counter on target creature. It becomes snow.
II — Spike Melts the Clouds deals 5 damage to each snow creature.
III — Exile this Saga, then return it to the battlefield transformed under your control.
Brave and Glorious Tribute
(R) Enchantment Creature — Dragon
Trample, haste
Whenever Brave and Glorious Tribute attacks, it deals 1 damage to each creature defending player controls.
Stories of a great and honorable dragon still persist in the more crystalline parts of the Bridlewood.
4/4
Rocketeer Guard 4R
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
When Rocketeer Guard enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
Whenever an opponent becomes the monarch, Rocketeer Guard deals damage to that player equal to the damage dealt to you this turn.
4/3
Vine Surge 1G
Instant
Choose one —
• Target creature gains indestructible and reach until end of turn.
• Vine Surge deals 6 damage to target creature with flying.
Entwine 1G (Choose both if you paid the entwine cost.)
Bribed Skysnapper 2G
Creature — Plant
You may cast this spell as though it had flash if you spend mana from a Treasure to cast it.
Reach
Everything has its price. The trick is finding a way to pay in concentrated sunlight.
3/3
Royal Corps of Engineers 3G
Creature — Pegasus Artificer
Reach, trample
When Royal Corps of Engineers enters the battlefield, you may put target card from your graveyard on top of your library. If you’re the monarch, you may return that card to your hand instead.
Zephyr Heights wasn’t built in a day.
3/4
Gripper Arm 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+0.
Equip abilities that target equipped creature cost 1 less to activate.
Equip 2
A few thumbs go a long way.
Seaweed Schooner 4
Artifact — Vehicle
Whenever Seaweed Schooner becomes crewed for the first time each turn, put a +1/+1 counter on it for each Pony that crewed it this way. It gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each other creature that crewed it this way.
Crew 3
2/2
Skating Enforcer 1RW
Creature — Pony Soldier
Flash
Haste
T: Target creature can’t attack or block this turn.
Hitch watched her chase down cheaters and thought about what could have been.
2/1
Rufus, Heir to Hoofdini 1GU
Legendary Creature — Pony Wizard
At the beginning of each end step, if a land or Wizard entered the battlefield under your control this turn, untap all permanents you control.
“I think every generation needs a Trixie. She makes life more interesting.”
—Starlight Glimmer, journal
2/2
Prism-Tail Capo 1BRG
Creature — Raccoon Unicorn Warrior
Other Raccoons you control get +1/+1
Whenever Prism-Tail Capo attacks, create a 1/1 red Raccoon creature token with menace that’s tapped and attacking.
Blitz BRG (If you cast this spell for its blitz cost, it gains haste and “When this creature dies, draw a card.” Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)
3/3
Pegasnail Partner 1GWU
Creature — Slug Pegasus Advisor
Flying, vigilance
Pegasnail Partner and each other Slug you control enters the battlefield with a shield counter on it. (If it would be dealt damage or destroyed, remove a shield counter from it instead.)
Pegasnails always have solid legal footing.
2/5
Contested Orchard
Land
Whenever a creature deals combat damage to you, that creature’s controller gains control of Contested Orchard
T: Add C.
T: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature that entered the battlefield this turn.
Regarding the ongoing geographical debacle (which we all know we won't get a proper answer to until maybe the rest of MYM), I'll just toss in a reminder that the balloon station we see in the movie had a line that went to Manehattan before it was abandoned. And as for the comics stuff, I'll talk about it when you get there, but I will say: of all places, a post-Twilight Canterlot is one I can fully expect to have moved around to wherever is needed.
So Mare's Day officially equals Mother's Day (that was never entirely clear in "It Isn't the Mane Thing About You"). I guess the show was never going to call it Dam's Day.
"Being a no-show is like totally harsh, mother. And on Mare's Day?" It's her day, Pipp. Shouldn't she get to decide how she spends it?
The fact that the creators of these shorts needed to come up with a couple dozen plots that neither duplicated, contradicted, nor got ahead of the Netflix series?
You're just letting the ribbon provider get away scot-free? Who paid you off?!?
Unicorns must go through a ton of balls during soccer competitions.
That's a holdover from G4 as well, is it not? There's always been an uncomfortable "master species" undertone to the world.
The best of all possible explanations.
Is it just me, or are a huge number of recent reboots of popular series based on taking a huge dump on the original that delighted so many fans?
Rules lawyer, officious cop, bumbling nit-wit... such wonderful character traits to choose from. I don't think G4 ever dumped on Spike with such consistency.
I'm surprised Rufus didn't just go around starting arguments until the crystals exploded. Then he'd be the only "magic" pony again. But if any of the characters were even half as smart as a border collie. . .
5676621
The scary part is how this one is trying to genuinely tie in and failing spectacularly. Mind, the same thing happened within G4 by itself so it really isn't that surprising.
5676794
It's the curse of Johnny-come-lately writers who either dislike the original material, don't care about established canon and characters, or are out to prove they could do it "better."
Kinda like fanfic writers, right?
"...all the way down." 
Is the Royal Corps of Engineers your first non-flying pegasus?
5677415
No, he also had one in the batch for Friendship is Magic #59 & #60. Also, there's a typo in Vine Surge; the second effect references Saving Snare instead of the card it's actually on.