Scrap Bin One: Why am I Here, and Why is This Burger Here, Too? · 5:49pm Jun 22nd, 2022
Just a snippet from my scrap pile. This was going to be Lapis' identity crisis for The Griffon, Brushed Off, but I decided to go for the "I-shouldn't-be-here-much-longer-right?" debate instead. Might go in a later chapter - until then, enjoy!
But as he started eating the hayburger, he found himself unable to focus on anything but the food. It was so close to what he was familiar with - the cheese, the bread, the pickles and ketchup and mustard all tasted the same as what he expected. And yet, as he bit down, the fibrous crunch of the cake of fried hay was so different from the juicy squish of a beef patty that Lapis suddenly found the meal too jarring to eat.
...With some difficulty, he swallowed his half-chewed mouthful, then sat the burger down on his plate and stared down at it. Why would they even invent this, here? It made sense to have it in the show - they wanted to make sure someone like my little sister could relate to the meal their favorite characters were eating, but didn’t want to show ponies eating meat. Especially not beef, considering that - apparently - cows are sentient here. But… why would a herbivorous species invent a specially prepared cake of hay, that can be cooked the same way as a patty of meat?
“Why are you here?” Lapis muttered, staring down at the burger as thunder rumbled outside. And why… why am I here? There’s gotta be millions of people who’d be more inclined to end up in Ponyville than me. Hell, two of them are my little sisters, they love this show - why pick me, instead of one of them? Only reason I know anything about this place is that they watched the show while I washed the dishes - I know more about the fastest way to scrub eggs out of a frying pan than I know about how this show’s supposed to run.
Well, at least the coins were made of solid gold here - with luck, he’d be able to exchange the bits for their raw gold for a lot more than their monetary value, once he got back to Earth. Because he was going to get back there, one way or another. Lapis nodded, then pointedly picked up the burger and took a bite.
I figured hayburgers were pony-friendly adaptations of cuisine originally developed by and for a more omnivorous species. Griffons, most likely. Much like any doorknobs and mug handles are relics of their origin among, say, the minotaurs.
Teach me your craft...Master...
Bows with dirty pan in hands
5666711
If it's eggs stuck on the pan, don't soak it, it just makes it worse, let it dry and use a scraper. If it's a non-stick, you may get lucky and the eggs will peel off all at once as it dries, if not, use the brush and very hot water. But your best bet is to just use the brush in running water immediately after they're cooked.
And if it's cheese, don't use the brush unless it's crisp, soggy melted cheese is hell to get out of the brush.
5666711
5666792
Close, but not quite - you’re right about getting the eggs while they’re fresh, you’re also right about not soaking, and you’re right about hot water and the scraper. All you missed is how you get that water hot in the case of stuck-on eggs: you put it in the pan with the eggs (not a lot of water, but enough to coat the bottom) and then you stick that pan back on the stove until the water boils and the eggs start flaking off. After that, you get some potholders to get it off the stove, and rinse the pan with hot water (NOT COLD, HOT) as you brush or scrape it off.
(For real, though - do not rinse extra-hot things with cold water. Most stuff, metal included, doesn’t much care for sudden, drastic changes in temperature. On pain of potentially cracking your frying pan, do not rinse it with cold water while it’s still hot. Also, you’re completely right about cheese.)
What's really gotta be the disconnect in his mind is how his pony taste buds are saying the hay tastes great while his whole human experience is saying it should taste terrible. Conversely, if he managed to eat some cooked meat to satisfy his cravings, his pony taste buds will say it tastes terrible.
5666807
5666792
Thank you, wise men!