Friendship is Card Games: Assorted Mentally Advanced Shorts · 11:42am May 15th, 2022

This week marks the penultimate Rainbow Dash Presents card blog. Before getting into the grand finale with the mare of Lost Carcosa, let’s look at the various shorts peppering the playlist.

Alicorn Day

For context, this came out around midnight of the day “Magical Mystery Cure” premiered.

Ah yes, the unique lifestyle wherein a muffled belch from the next room over is synonymous with “Mail’s here.”

“A Phillips screwdriver is persuasive, but not seductive, and also Rarity charges out the butt for stuff I really think she should do as a friend.”
I have a number of questions, and I don’t think I want any of them answered.

“Drink this, then tell me what you learned.”
It’s not quite “Hey, try to fix Beardo’s broken screw-up-everything spell,” but it’s in a similar vein.

Spike getting a bucket and football pads seems like a very reasonable precaution.

“Truth be told, it’s come so far out of left field for me, I don’t actually have any feelings about it!”
Trust me, Spike, people had a lot of feelings about it.

I do love the text scroll on the bus advertising its own associated playset.

Fandom in Flames!
Kinda felt that way, yeah.

I could say a number of things about the stuff behind the counter at Barnes & Stable, but I’d honestly rather not. Though I do like the Haunting Nightmare book showing up in the follow-up.

“You keep the bookstore open! You keep the bookstore open or I will summon the King in Yellow into your left ear!”
Dang it, Twilight, I just said we wouldn’t be covering that. Though this does go to show that alicornhood and mental instability go hoof in hoof in this continuity.

Yeah, teleportation does make flight a bit superfluous, but sometimes you appreciate the scenic route. Well, I do. Twilight tends to be a lot more focused and driven.

Yeesh, Rarity, you’re acting like Twilight sprouts new limbs every other week… though given the whole Spiderses incident, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Oof. And just holding on that shot of the letter until the end of the video. Honestly, this did a great job of capturing the confusion and uncertainty that came after the end of Season 3. No one knew where the series was going from there, if anywhere. It had hit 65 episodes, the magic number for syndication. Sure, it kept going for a good, long while after that, but we didn’t know at the time.

Investment Losses

“My Little Pony was originally made for kids.”
It can be easy to forget that at times.

I do like the design for that harness, though connecting some of the buckles may be impractical depending on the user’s flexibility.

Heh. Weird Al pegasus in the background correcting the cashier on his word crimes, the better part of a year before “Pinkie Pride.”

I don’t know what concerns me more about the box of Apple Jackers, it being part of a “balanced” “breakfast,” or the free “toy” inside. That is far more quotation marks than I want near my food.

Forget the Sensible Cereal Flakes, Knitty Needles. Get that filly some PLOB. Or Trogd-Os.

Casual tribalism on breakfast cereal. No wonder Knitty doesn’t want to get that one.
Oh. Being entirely composed of marshmallow bits is also a factor.

Ah yes, that particular sense of discomfort that comes from losing track of a parent in a grocery store. Like being marooned in a sea of shopping carts.

So… is the cereal box treated to not fall through clouds, are the clouds treated to support mundane items, or should I just not think about it too much?

I was not expecting to relive my own childhood anxiety through Aurora and I do not appreciate it.

I’d completely forgotten that, since she does come from Rainbow Factory, Aurora’s cutie mak is a bottle of glue. That one smacked me in the face, though in a good way.

And there’s the Alicorn Day brick joke. Hope Twilight can catch herself, since Dash is too shocked to go for the dive.

I feel like McSoy’s has come up before. In any case, I do like how well it works as a rival to Hay Burger.

Ooh, lovely 3D work on the police station. Butter-smooth camera panning and parallax.

Not really much to say about this one, honestly. It just kind of happens. I feel like I may be missing some context.

Budget Impasse

As I recall, this one was inspired by an actual budget impasse in the US Congress.

Celestia refusing to dress up as a banana is definitely one of the more original causes for Nightmare Moon I’ve ever heard.

Nice touch with the different guard uniforms in the background subtly hinting at a different era.

I don’t know what Dash might have envisioned. Possibly something with more logic or dignity. Clearly no grasp of political reality in that mare.

Equestria Primates Preview

It’s always bittersweet seeing a preview for a project that never came to fruition.

Very strong dramatic opening with the rain. The mysterious running figure only adds to it.

Luna’s certainly picked a cheery topic to sketch.

And it’s the hecking Jokermort. I’d forgotten that part.

Celestia opening her eye is a gorgeous shot. Feels very much like some big carnosaur waking up in a Jurassic Park movie. And the brief conflict makes her feel intimidating in a way few portrayals of her have. It helps that I know this instance of her has few if any scruples.

And Luna can’t be bothered to deal with what is clearly her sister’s bit of drama.

So… the Fisher-Price grade big plastic keys are for the vault?
You know what? I’m not even surprised.

I do appreciate the conceptual overlap between the mirror portal and the Mirror of Erised. Though it’s easier to get what you want out of this one.

The masked guards are fascinating in their ominous, barely seen nature. It really feels like Voldemort infiltrated a monster movie, which honestly sounds like an awesome concept.

And that, sadly, is all she wrote. Or he animated, as the case may be. A deep shame indeed, but given the amount of work that went into even this bit of it, I can understand not seeing it through. Even by my untrained eye, I can tell an incredible amount of effort went into the preview. Still, it’s nice to dream about what might have been.

In any case, let’s see what I can make of this. Bear in mind that I’ll be using the mechanic shown in the previews for the Warhammer 40K Commander decks (yes, those are going to be a thing.)

Aerial Piker 1W
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Squad 2 (As an additional cost to cast this spell, you may pay 2 any number of times. When this creature enters the battlefield, create that many tokens that are copies of it.)
Flying
Foes of the Royal Legion always fought in the shade.
2/1

Strung Up 1W
Sorcery
Destroy target tapped creature.
Disturb 4W (You may cast this card from your graveyard transformed for its disturb cost.)
The problem with capital punishment is that it denies the chance for repentance…
Lingering Noosegeist
(W) Creature — Pony Spirit
Flying, vigilance
If Lingering Noosegeist would be put into a graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.
… usually.
2/3

Mass Pongify 1WW
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures. For each creature destroyed this way, its controller creates a 3/3 green Ape creature.
Misunderstood tales of the Mirror Portal inspired misguided attempts to emulate it.

Hovering Proofreader 2W
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
Each player who has cast a nonwordy spell this turn can’t cast additional nonwordy spells. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
“That does it. I’m revoking your apostrophe privileges.”
2/2

Twilight Earns Her Wings 2UU
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I — You may exchange control of two target creatures.
II — This turn, you may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to activate abilities.
III — Put two +1/+1 counters and a flying counter on target creature you control.

Invoke Carcosa 1UUUU
Sorcery
Choose two target nonland permanents owned by the same player. That player shuffles those permanents into their library, then mills ten cards.
Twilight’s friends span the known universe and far beyond.

Crop Abduction 3UUU
Sorcery
For each opponent, gain control of target land that player controls. Untap those lands.
The invaders all agreed that the latest experiment went far better than the livestock circles.

Catacomb Watchers 2B
Creature — Unicorn Soldier
Catacomb Watchers enters the battlefield with your choice of a deathtouch counter or a menace counter on it. It escapes with both instead.
Escape—2BB, Exile four other cards from your graveyard. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its escape cost.)
2/3

Tome of Nightmares 2B
Artifact
1B, T, Pay 1 life: Draw a card. Put a blood counter on Tome of Nightmares.
1B, Sacrifice Tome of Nightmares: Create an X/X black Nightmare Horror creature token, where X is the number of blood counters on Tome of Nightmares.
Always consider the source.

Audacious Invasion 3B
Sorcery
Until end of turn, creatures you control gain menace and “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, create a Treasure token.” (It’s a colorless artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Some only see castles as a challenge.

Nightmarish Assault XBBB
Sorcery
Lifelink
Nightmarish Assault deals 3 damage to each of X targets.
”You should have dressed up like a banana, Celestia!”
—Nightmare Moon

Incessant Mutation 1R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
At the beginning of combat on each player’s turn, that player chooses a nonlegendary creature other than enchanted creature. Enchanted creature becomes a copy of that creature.
Twilight got used to it after the third horn.

Screwdriver Diplomacy 1R
Sorcery
Target artifact’s controller may sacrifice it. If they don’t, gain control of that artifact until end of turn. Untap it. It gains haste until end of turn.
“Either way, this will void the warranty.”

Factory Fodder 2R
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
Sacrifice Factory Fodder: Add two mana in any combination of colors.
“Sadly, while some ponies are meant for greatness, others have more… humble destinies.”
—Dr. Atmosphere, irisologist
2/1

Explosive Getaway 2RR
Sorcery
Explosive Getaway deals 3 damage divided as you choose among any number of targets. Creatures dealt damage this way can’t block this turn.
The Jokermort knew he couldn’t kill Celestia, but he could waylay her.

Burninate XR
Sorcery
This spell costs 3 less to cast if it targets a Citizen, Peasant, or Serf.
Burninate deals X damage to any target.
The closer one gets to the Dragonlands, the less thatch get used as roofing material.

From the Catacombs G
Sorcery
Undergrowth — Return target card with mana value X or less from your graveyard to your hand, where X is the number of creature cards in your graveyard.
Untold wonders lie beneath Castle Canterlot, and the diarchs want them to stay there.

Potassium Boost 1G
Instant
Create a Food token. Up to one target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is 2 plus the number of Foods you control. (A Food token is an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
After a magical incident with a high-end PC, Sunset never looked at bananas the same way.

Noodly Appendage 2GW
Artifact Creature — Food Tentacle
Reach
Whenever Noodly Appendage deals damage to a non-Food creature, put a pasta counter on that creature. It loses all abilities, becomes a Food artifact in addition to its other types, and has “2, T, Sacrifice this creature: You gain 3 life.”
2, T, Sacrifice Noodly Appendage: You gain 3 life.
2/4

Ascendant Bibliomaniac 2(wu)(wu)
Creature — Wizard
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
Whenever an opponent draws their second card each turn, draw a card.
Everything about alicorns is enhanced, including their obsessions.
3/3

Asleep on the Job 3(wu)
Instant
Tap all creatures target player controls. Creatures that player controls enter the battlefield tapped this turn.
“Let them rest. I’d be no safer were they awake.”
—Princess Luna

Mayhem Mage 3BR
Creature — Monkey Wizard
Mayhem Mage must be blocked if able.
When Mayhem Mage dies, you may cast target instant or sorcery card from a graveyard. If you cast a spell this way, pay life equal to that spell’s mana value rather than pay its mana cost.
Blitz 3BR (If you cast this spell for its blitz cost, it gains haste and “When this creature dies, draw a card.” Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)
4/3