Rambling thoughts about my own Writing · 7:33am May 14th, 2022
Note: This is just my own rambling thoughts. It has nothing to do with the state of Red 36. I'm still working on it. You can ignore this.
I am preparing to move next month, but I have been thinking a lot about my own writing lately. It is really weird to have been writing the same thing for so long, but at the same time it has allowed me to see myself improve and my preferences change over time.
There is a certain quality I am after which I've been trying to pursue with my writing. I see it in most of my favorite media, where everything is working thematically together. Characters contribute to the settings and play off of each other to where you could spend so much time just talking about what this one character (who only appeared for a moment) added to the narrative. Character arcs which have meaning and engage with interesting topics and it all works in tandem. They engage the audience to such a level where they are picking through a scene and finding a million and one reasons why it works. Where I see these 1-hour+ video essays deconstructing the research and real life inspiration that goes into characters or creatures and I see people theorizing about which real life disease is the mad sauropod inspired by? The real life predatory phenomenon of Surplus Killing or "Henhouse Syndrome"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surplus_killing
(This is kind unrelated, but I love just listening to people talk about stuff that they're passionate about. Doubly so if they're knowledgeable on the subject. I also really love listening to interviews from people with unique life experiences.)
My character writing has always been kind of dialogue focused, and I think that comes from an initial script-writing and film background, but if I go back and read the earlier stuff I wrote it is EXTREMELY meandering. I'd chalk that up to inexperience. I can see how I would hit audiences over the head with what I was going for because I was incapable of writing out an idea without explicitly writing it. What I would really like and what I've been attempting to do lately (especially in this past year) is to make my writing snappier and more approachable. Much less "blunt force you over the head with themes". I have always really valued things that are approachable, but when you get them engaged that is when you unveil the iceberg. And with Red 36 it feels a bit... awkward at times? It's easy to see when I actually go back and read it again, but when I am working on my own with only one set of eyes it's a little harder to see.
I am not sure if my brain is just weird, but it took me a while as an individual to really be able to see the entire forest (metaphorically speaking). It is difficult to be able to comprehend an entire novel on your own. I would guess that's probably why a lot of authors don't always plan everything all the time. I feel like such an amateur sometimes, but it's more like when you are proud of your art piece but then you look at it next to a master painting and feel like crap, lol. The only thing you can really do is try to strive for improvement.
Weirdly, I remember this one line from "The Boondocks" of all things, which has really stuck with me over the years (paraphrasing slightly): "What separates a good artist from a great artist, is not what they paint, but what they choose to paint." Attributed to a caricature of Bob Ross. As the years have gone by, I have really been wondering about how to answer that question myself. I am pretty confident in my story ideas. What I really need to work on are further improving my fundamentals and metaphor, continuing to read the work of fellow authors and trying to increase output. All this time it's been a lack of experience with the medium that's been holding me back. My inability to communicate with people. I definitely still want to finish this story, but I also want to expand into other areas too in the future. Put a bit more work into my art as well.
I hope that if I can see a psychiatrist I can get something prescribed that might be able to help improve my productivity and general mood because wowee this isn't fun at all. Been trying to see one all year but it's difficult through insurance. The last couple of years have been difficult as well and I feel like they've really taken a toll on my mental health. I'm still standing though. If there's any quality I admire in myself, it's my stubbornness to keep moving.
No matter how painful it is. No matter how hard it is. I'll get where I'm going.
-El Dee
I can empathize and sympathize with you on all of this. I've been working on To Bellenast since long before I published its first chapters in 2017, not all that long before you published Red 36. I've had trouble writing much in the last three years, on top of being slow to write already. I recently lost my job and had to move, just when I was making some major progress on the latest chapter I've had in my head, so that had to go on hold for a while. On top of that, I started proper work on an original novel back in October, after having sat on a rough outline and heaps of world building info that's been floating around my noggin for nearly two years now. I got more enjoyment and creative satisfaction out of writing three chapters of that novel than anything else I've done in years. I feel like To Bellenast will ever be my magnum opus, as it were, because the characters in it are all so well defined in my imagination, but creating something completely original, rather than just mostly original and inspired by another's work, is immensely satisfying. I don't know how to express that enough.
One of the biggest areas of growth I've seen in my own writing, between the first five chapters of To Bellenast that I wrote mostly prior to publishing and needed only clean up, and everything from chapter 6 onward, is that the first five chapters are much less cohesive in terms of narrative flow, and everything after is objectively superior in almost every way. I've learned a lot more about writing in the last five years.
I've seen it said many times that writing a book is more or less coming up with a beginning and an ending first and then filling the area between the two. I've known for a long time roughly what I wanted the ending to be; it's just that finishing the last third of the story is ten times harder than writing anything before it was, because that's when all the little plot threads wind up and begin to culminate in something strong, instead of being a loose, tangled mess.
Whatever your ending is, take your time and keep plugging away at the word processor. I look forward to seeing Red 36 completed. I'm sure you do, too; I know I'm itching to finish To Bellenast. Three chapters is all it will take for me, including the one I'm working on, and I finally know how I want them to go. I just have to do it.
Right off the bat. I haven't read your story, but my friend has. He complained to me repeatedly that you don't release a new chapter for a long time. He loves your story. I sometimes browse the various pages of the site, which is why I stumbled upon this blog.
I know the feeling; I've been writing my story for seven-plus years. During that time, my views and worldview have changed, which was the result of my existential crisis. All of this has certainly affected my productivity and the content of the story. I now see many of the flaws in my story, which I have already tried several times to iron out or somehow substantiate them.
I was asking myself the same question about why I was writing. Everyone finds their own answer to that question. I write stories because I enjoy it. It's that simple. Life isn't infinite, life makes sense in the here and now. Pursuing results and developing your own skills is certainly a good thing, but you also don't have to forget about today. Just write as you can and enjoy the process, and if you do, your skills are sure to improve. Don't try to compare yourself to other writers too often, it doesn't lead to anything good.
And about productivity... I was able to bring some degree of order to the story. To collect all the notes about the future plot, with various explanations for myself. I was ready to write chapters faster... and then the war happened (I live in Ukraine) February 24, 2022. I couldn't live with writing for a long time, as I was obsessed with the news and what was happening almost around the clock (the front was a few hours away from me). And now I'm trying to get back to writing. It is difficult for a brain to change habits and ways of thinking, so return to the activity should not immediately, but gradually.
I wish you find answers to your life questions and a way to increase your writing productivity. Learn to enjoy writing today, and don't obsess about the outcome. And don't forget that your writing inspires other people in one way or another, even if you don't always see it.
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