Where headcanon becomes absurd and canon absurder
*Steps up* Ahem. C-Heroine would like to say, “Ramirez, if you don’t back the fuck away from my fucking man, I will feast on your forsaken soul. Unfortunately, she is mute, and can only communicate through writing. So uh… yeah. *steps down*
*steps up, taking the microphone* “…” *angry gurgles, hisses, and screams*
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh boy
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Do you wonder if she’ll be honorable?
"O-Oh yeah! w-well...u-um...f-fuck you?"
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*Raises knife with murderous intent*
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*starts shaking* "I-I'm not backing down! G-Griff's mine..."
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Welp, we’re going to find out
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*Kinda just stares, unimpressed*
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Depends on if she'll be convinced to
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"Hmph!" *puffs up her chest, trying to make herself look bigger* "He's mine!"
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*growls*
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*Opens a portal and disappears into it*
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*grows nervous* "Y-yeah! y-you better run away! p-puta!"
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*Emerges, riding a fuckin tank*
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*flares her wings, snarling at her* "I-I treat MY Griffy better than you! I make him f-feel important!"
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*Rolls her eyes and raises a sign, leaning against the tank’s .50 cal machine gun* ‘Isa machine gun.’ *begins blasting away, the Erika March blasting at full volume*
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*stands her ground* "You cant even come down and fight me! pussy!"
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*Glares, then hops down, grabbing her duelist sabre*
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*shakes her head* "really? a blade? pfft, weak!" *growls* "we fight like true changelings!"
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*Pauses, and holds up a sign* ‘So… with bolt throwers, tanks, and nuclear bombs?’
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"our fangs"
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*Shrugs, clearly annoyed* ‘fine’
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*hisses at her, showing her fangs*
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*Casually removes her own heart, before holding up another sign* ‘Hey, does my heart look dirty to you? I have a vivisection in a few hours, and I want my organs to look nice.’
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*lunges at her*
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*Steps two feet to the left, watching her fly by*
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"Wha-" *lands in the dirty* "W-Why you little bitch!" *quickly gets back onto her hooves and charges her*
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*Steps two feet to the right, picking up her sabre and slashes Ramirez’s tail off*
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"Ow!" *looks at her tail and growls* "Oh you play dirty!" *tackles and tries to bite her neck*
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*Yawns, holding a sign to her* ‘I’m an abstract being. I can’t die.’
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"S-Stop trying to confuse me!" *slaps*
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*Rolls her eyes and pushes her off. She collects the tuft of Ramirez’s tail, before bowing in respect and begins walking away.*
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"Yeah! h-he's mine, right...?"
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*Trots back over, reaching into her chest and stealing her soul, before climbing into her tank and driving away*
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*falls onto the ground*
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*sighs and floats over, returning the soul*
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*gasps and coughs* "O-Oh f-fuck..."