Feeling very unmotivated

Man, it’s been close to a year since I’ve written anything. For the longest time I kept telling myself that it’ll pass and eventually I’ll find inspiration somewhere, but that hasn’t been the case.

It’s not just that I lack motivation, but more like how I have virtually no confidence anymore as a writer. I look at my current story and I can’t bring myself to continue it, I just hate everything I write. I mean it’s not like I have any formal training in creative writing, I do this as a hobby, so it shouldn’t be surprising that I’m not very good. Which is fine. I was never trying to compete with Pascoite in the first place.

But holy shit, I miss how things used to be 3 years ago when I didn’t care how what I wrote turned out, and I was just having fun. But now? Now I just get depressed when I try to come up with a scene or spin out some lines of dialogue, it all just feels so flat and terrible. I can’t even stand to merely finish a new chapter, despite how long it’s been.

Simply put, I just don’t enjoy writing anymore. I don’t get any happiness or satisfaction from it. On the contrary, the whole activity just bums me out. Does that mean I should give up? Or should I at least finish my current story regardless of quality or how happy I am about it, in order to not leave anything unfinished? Should I assume this writer’s-block ditch I find myself in will last indefinitely or not? It’s hard to say.

2021 has also been the worst case of procrastination I’ve ever had. I haven’t read a single new book or fic or anything like that this entire year. Maybe that’s the culprit behind all this. If I can get back into reading some stuff I like then I’ll perhaps climb out of this metaphorical ditch. We’ll see with time.

BTW I debated on whether I should even post this, but I already wrote it, plus this is how I feel, so I’ll leave it as is.

In the meantime have a Twi pic.

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[Whinifree]

*snugs*