Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: You Smooze, You Lose

We may be out of animated FiW content, but that doesn’t mean we’ve exhausted the well. There are still a few installments left, between the side projects and the live reading we’re looking at today.

There’s something beautifully surreal about an abridged series disclaimer being read aloud.

This Fluttershy freeing Discord from petrification doesn’t even begin to surprise me. The fact that it a resurrection of opportunity rather than anything deeper also works quite well. This is basically Fluttershy’s hobby, after all.

There is a beautiful irony in using Discord to reset the status quo. Even more so that he did all of those good deeds because they inherently conflict with the nature of this world. Really says something when an unshackled chaos avatar acts as a benevolent force just to be contrary.

Honestly, Discord petrifying himself as part of a stunt wouldn’t even surprise me. Classic case of a trickster archetype being too clever for its own good.

Editing in a cape on every frame Discord’s back is visible… ugh, no wonder this episode didn’t get made.

Ah, right. Fluttershy’s day job i the invocation of ancient horrors. Her hobby is animals.

“Once you’ve seen one animal, you’ve kind of seen them all.”
Ye gods, that sounds wrong.

… Yeah, I could see Tree Hugger—sorry, occultgirl37—as a cultist of some stripe.

“So. You’re telling me you’re going to travel hundreds of miles to meet someone you’ve only ever met online?”
Reminder that this was recorded at Everfree 2015.

The theme and title card announcement are amazing and I will brook no arguments there.

Wow. Even the stage directions have it out for Spike. And that whole scene was dedicated to make him suffer. Oof.

I’m not sure what I love more in the boutique scene, Applejack’s dress uniform, Dash’s Spider-Man costume, or Rarity’s colossal hat that would take up ninety percent of the screen and save the editing team from having to do much with the other two.

Brilliant demonstration of the Rule of Threes.

Ooh, Tirek’s attending as Rarity’s plus-one this year? Oh, how the gossips will talk…

Discord coming out of a warp pipe doesn’t sound that far-fetched, honestly. Only slightly less subtle than getting spotted under a cardboard box.

Oh dear. Getting her parents back in infant form wasn’t at all what Pinkie had hoped for. And apparently the others have so completely shunned her that she’s a self-decribed mother of two with no support structure. You just want to give her a hug. (Or, in Discord’s case, find any excuse to escape. And, after failing to find one, escape anyway.)

The palpable desperation in the description of Discord’s zany-bonkers-really-please-be-impressed house is a thing of beauty.

Raincloud lives! Or, well, trapped in Limbo. As in the chaotic neutral Outer Plane. Yikes. At least she provided helpful, symphonic exposition.

“AH! Twilight! How long have you been standing there?”
Yeah, that’s a reasonable reaction to this Twilight.

I do appreciate the acknowledgement of Horse Women. And how Twilight just decided not to be banished for a night.

To be fair, eating foals is probably how Jeff the Blob says “Hi.” (And yes, Discord’s plus-one at the Gala is identified as “Jeff the Blob.” It remains to be seen how Jeff relates to the Smooze, if at all.)

Applejack planting her food stand in the middle of the dance floor does seem on-brand for this world.

“The waterfall’s energy was just so righteous, and I never would’ve seen it if I hadn’t blown up that dam.”
Well. That’s one way to establish a character immediately. (Also, I do appreciate an earth pony with a Ouija board for a cutie mark. They do make the best necromancers.)

Yup, we’re going with the G1, grape-flavored Smooze here. Poor Jeff.

Ah, poor Discord. Much like Luna, he’s more socially awkward than actively malicious.

“Jeff the Blob can be heard breathing” is rarely if ever a good sentence to hear.

Discord being mistaken for an older Mushu is honestly kind of fantastic.

I have to love the amount of buildup the performers put into the one line from Rarity’s arm candy.

Honestly, the most shocking part of the ritual components to me is that Twist is still alive. We knew the Elements of Harmony were a thing in this universe, though I doubt the Tree is. It would’ve reduced this Twilight to a broken husk long ago.

I mean, to be fair, not only destroying a star but wiping millions of years worth of its trailing photons is pretty darn impressive.

Much like enjoyably bad acting, enjoyably bad comedy is even harder to do than high-quality stuff. And this is desperation given exquisite form.

Even when there’s no explanation for her presence, Maud still tears Discord a new one.

Okay, that is a very good way to perpetuate the eye candy gag.

And here’s Twilight’s murder mystery. The question is whether she actually killed Celestia for it. I wouldn’t put it past her.

Ah. Sherclop Pones himself, at last. Briefly.

I’m surprised that Twilight even needed a pill to forget the identity of the murderer. She seem perfectly capable of editing out inconvenient memories on her own.

Several excellent examples of how to point out silly storytelling elements without being obnoxious about them. Especially the cultists expositing things they already know to one another.

And so Discord’s hunger for validation stops the Smooze… but also ensures that its servants can try again.

“Act 2, Scene 7. Note: The camera shoots this scene in one impressive, continuous shot, without the aid of special effects.”
Um, about that… (Yes, yes, by this point it’s abundantly clear that the script was written with numerous jokes intended to work because it’s a script reading. Rest assured, I got that.)

The large fingerprint raises a number of questions. Right up there with the human shoe. This is what happens when Twilight plans the murder mystery as a different species.

An awfully sudden marriage proposal, but it’s the closest Rarity’s gotten to canonical romantic success.

And Dash is resurrected… but doesn’t that only work for parents? There’s a potentially uncomfortable question…

Curious to hear that the Smooze hasn’t responded to four different unbindings. Of course, if it had already been released…

Celestia has some very impressive forensic skills. I suppose when you criminalize the vast majority of activities and concepts, you need to be a pretty good detective.

“Jeff the Blob’s sleek convertible” may be even more disturbing than his audible breathing. But hey, at least Pinkie’s found love and acceptance… with a demon lord.

All told, this is a fantastic sendoff for the series. There is the bittersweet promise of more, but I’m okay leaving this Equestria at this point… though I do still have a few weeks of FiW content left to work with. (Hey, G5 doesn’t premiere until late September. I’ve got to fill the time somehow. ) Now, let’s see what party favors I can provide:

Junior Sleuth Squad 2W
Creature — Pony Scout
When Junior Sleuth Squad enters the battlefield or dies, investigate. (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
Twilight’s happiest when ponies play along with her delusions. That doesn’t make her safe.
2/2

Unprompted Adjustments 2WW
Sorcery
Choose one or both —
• Return target artifact card from your graveyard to your hand.
• Destroy target artifact.
If it ain’t broke, Discord will fix it.

Applied Amnestics U
Sorcery
Target player mills three cards.
Draw a card.
Twilight doesn’t respect the sanctity of any mind, including her own.

Discord, Banal Chaos 1UU
Legendary Planeswalker — Discord
+1: Creatures target opponent controls get -1/-0 until your next turn.
-2: Put target creature on top of its owner’s library.
-5: Target opponent gets an emblem with “Whenever you cast your first spell each turn, counter that spell unless you pay 2.”
3

Stoic Heckler 2U
Creature — Pony Rogue
Whenever you cast a spell during an opponent’s turn, that player mills three cards.
“The worst thing you can hear short of dead silence. It means you weren’t even entertainingly bad.”
—Trixie Lulamoon, traveling performer
2/3

Manufacture Evidence XU
Sorcery
Investigate X times.
It’s unclear whether Twilight’s love of murder mysteries led to or came from her skill at framing others for her misdeeds.

Revival Ceremony 1B
Sorcery
Choose target creature card in your graveyard, then roll a d20.
1-9 | Return it to your hand.
10-19 | Return it to the battlefield. You lose life equal to its mana value.
20 | Return it to the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it.

Mystic Prosthesis 1B
Enchantment Creature — Skeleton
Bestow 3B (If you cast this spell for its bestow cast, it’s an Aura spell with enchant creature. It becomes a creature again if it’s not attached to a creature.)
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1.
1B: Mystic Prosthesis and enchanted creature gain indestructible until end of turn. Tap them.
1/1

Tizerus Gloomhaze 1B
Creature — Elemental
Flying
When Tizerus Gloomhaze enters the battlefield, each player loses life equal to its power.
Escape — 3B, Exile three other cards from your graveyard. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its escape cost.)
Tizerus Gloomhaze escapes with a +1/+1 counter on it.
2/1

Willing Offering 1B
Creature — Pony Minion
Whenever you sacrifice a creature, you draw a card and lose 1 life.
0: Sacrifice Willing Offering. Activate only once each turn.
“I’m helping!”
1/1

Necro-Opportunist 4B
Creature — Pegasus Warlock
Flying
Exploit (When this creature enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice a creature.)
When Necro-Opportunist enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield if a creature died this turn. (You can’t target something this creature will exploit.)
2/1

Font of Chaos 1R
Enchantment
XR, Sacrifice Font of Chaos: Reveal the top X cards of your library. You may cast a nonland card with mana value X or less from among them without paying its mana cost. Then put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Lung Familiar 1R
Creature — Dragon Spirit
Whenever you cast a Spirit or Arcane spell, creatures you control get +1/+0 until end of turn.
Those blessed by their ancestors need never feel the chill of loneliness.
2/1

Sonic Feedback 3RR
Sorcery
Sonic Feedback deals damage to each creature equal to the number of artifacts on the battlefield.
The more elaborate the sound system, the more disastrous the malfunction.

Cultist of Unbroken Earth 3G
Creature — Pony Druid
Adamant — When Cultist of Unbroken Earth enters the battlefield, if at least three green mana was spent to cast it, destroy up to one target artifact, enchantment, or nonbasic land.
3/3

Big-Name Socialite 6G
Creature — Giant Citizen
When Big-Name Socialite enters the battlefield, draw a card for each creature you control with power 4 or greater.
A few beans in the right pockets can yield incredible results at a soirée.
4/4

Overwhelming Chapeau 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +4/+4 and can only attack or block alone.
Equip 3
Some accessories need outfits designed around them. Some need entire war strategies.

Rites of the Smooze Cult BG
Enchantment — Class
(Gain the next level as a sorcery to add its ability.)
(bg), Sacrifice a creature: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control.
1BG: Level 2
Each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it has menace and vigilance.
3BG: Level 3
At the beginning of your end step, if you control no Oozes, create an X/X green Ooze creature token, where X is the number of creature cards in your graveyard.

Celestial Garden (gw)(gw)(gw)
Enchantment
When Celestial Garden enters the battlefield, you gain 1 life for each creature you control.
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, you gain 1 life.
A place of gentle respite in a world of anything but.

Murder Mystery 1WB
Instant
Destroy target creature or planeswalker. Each player other than its controller investigates.
When everyone’s a suspect, they all work to clear their names.

Jeff the Blob 1BG
Legendary Creature — Ooze
Sacrifice another creature: Put a +1/+1 counter on Jeff the Blob.
8BG: Transform Jeff. This ability costs X less to activate, where X is Jeff’s power.
“He seemed fun. Harmless, really.”
—Discord
2/2
Smooze Liberated
(BG) Legendary Creature — Demon Ooze
Indestructible, trample, vigilance
3BG, Sacrifice another creature: Double the number of +1/+1 counters on Smooze Liberated.
“Discord was a bit of harmless fun. But Pinkie, oh, she’s going places.”
4/4

Transitory Centaur 1RG
Creature — Centaur Warrior
Haste, vigilance
Vanishing 1 (This creature enters the battlefield with a time counter on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
4/4

Sherclop Pones 1GWU
Legendary Creature — Pony Rogue
When Sherclop Pones enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, investigate.
Whenever you sacrifice a Clue, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
2/3

Inscrutable Sage 2WUB
Creature — Elemental
When Inscrutable Sage enters the battlefield, choose one —
• Each player with fewer cards in hand than the player with the most cards in hand draws cards equal to the difference.
• Each player with more cards in hand than the player with the fewest cards in hand discards cards equal to the difference.
Evoke WUB
3/5

Amnesiac Antihero 3UB
Creature — Beast Warrior
Flash
Menace
When Amnesiac Antihero enters the battlefield, exile all cards from your hand face down, then draw that many cards.
When Amnesiac Antihero dies or is put into exile, return the exiled cards to their owner’s hand.
4/3

Comments

[Polychromatic]

doesn’t that only work for parents?

And that's why Star Waving Mad is important. It would seem that Dash is indeed Scootaloo's mother in this universe.

Theory time: We know the portal resurrects parents, we know something really bad might happen if it ever hits 9/9, we know Raincloud is one of the few individuals in this world with some common sense left, and we know she might have been Francis Sparkle's real mother. It's not out of the question that the reason she's trapped between the realms of life and death is her deliberately refusing to let the portal do its thing for the sake of Equestria's safety.

As in the chaotic neutral Outer Plane

My dragonborn bard ended up there once. Courtesy of a gargoyle's axe to the torso. That was before coming back dressed as a bird, and also before the sex and species change. In hindsight I regret not blogging about that campaign.

All told, this is a fantastic sendoff for the series

It really is, and I'm glad you got to watch it.

I do still have a few weeks of FiW content left to work with

If Camp Energy is part of that content, I'd like to remind you that in a few weeks it might become unavailable at its original source due to YouTube's decisions. Backups have been made already, but it might be a bit less easy to find them.

And so Discord’s hunger for validation stops the Smooze… but also ensures that its servants can try again.

That scene is where I stole the 'well well well' I once sent you. Given the topic of that message I found it very appropriate.

G5 doesn’t premiere until late September. I’ve got to fill the time somehow

You've still got the chapter books. Which will definitely be worth reading at some point, especially in light of Berrow getting her start with them and now having worked on the G5 movie. And also because you seem to be ignoring how the drought of pony content between the movie and the series' actual start (though potentially mitigated by the supposed special between them) will be far worse than that leading up to the film.

[The Voice in the Water]

Haven't listened to the script reading yet, but that sounds like some serious insanity.

[Herald of Opera]

Stupid Complicated Game Alert: I'm having trouble chasing down the exact shenanigans that the once per turn clause on Willing Sacrifice is preventing, but I do remember that chaining an ability to itself infinitely can do something dumb. More importantly, this has no meaningful effect on its intended usage because a resurrected Sacrifice is a new entity even if it's represented by the same physical card and can therefore activate the ability again.

[DannyJ]

Honestly, Discord petrifying himself as part of a stunt wouldn’t even surprise me. Classic case of a trickster archetype being too clever for its own good.

For fanfic purposes, I actually interpretted Discord's first defeat as exactly this. He knew damn well what the Elements of Harmony were and what they would do to him, but he pretended he didn't, struck a pose, and let himself get petrified, because he thought the Plundervines would free him within a day and crush Equestria's hope all over again. Only that last part of the plan didn't work out, because things never really work out for Discord.

[Polychromatic]

5549140
Considering he was actively planting those right as the princesses confronted him I'd say that might as well be the canonical interpretation, or at least pretty close to it. Though admittedly, technically a retcon by definition, but of the kind that works.

[FanOfMostEverything]

5548731

And that's why Star Waving Mad is important. It would seem that Dash is indeed Scootaloo's mother in this universe.

If any instance of Rainbow Dash could give birth without noticing or remembering it, it would be this one.

Thank you again for helping assemble all of the available FiW material. Duly noted on the issue with Camp Energy, and I'm well aware of the post-movie drought. My current schedule just ends on "10/3: TBD." I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, and build it when I get closer.

5548750
It is, and in the best way. Link's in the first paragraph in case you missed it.

5548780
My biggest concern was Crackdown Construct, though there are more elaborate shenanigans one can pull with a 0-cost ability. (Of course, you can always just use a Shuko, but that's besides the point. )

5549140
Really, what self-respecting avatar of chaos actually follows a plan to fruition and gets something good out of it? The best things to ever happen to Discord were the ones he didn't see coming. Like Fluttershy.

[Herald of Opera]

Crackdown Construct

There we go. That was bugging me, because I didn't feel like trying to dig through one of the largest subtypes in the game and gave up after misremembering a different silly Kaladesh one.

[CharonX]

Gah, now I've got to build some new decks :)