In honour of Pride Month (even though it's for celebrating LGBTQ+ pride, not narcissism), I have a question... · 9:42pm Jun 6th, 2021
Do any of you think I'm a narcissist? And if you don't, would you still think that even if I listed all 9 symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Now, before any of you start asking if I'm okay, I can assure you I'm fine. Apart from being annoyed that I once again lost a writing contest, I'm actually in a good mood. Really good mood as a matter of fact. I just thought I'd get a consensus to satisfy my own personal curiosity. Why yes, I am aware this is something I should ask a psychiatrist or a mental health professional so I could get an actual diagnosis but A. I do not see my constant desire for fame as a problem. In fact, it along with my faith in God is what keeps me motivated. And B. It would be weird to see a psychiatrist for something that isn't even causing me any problems, even if I wanted to find out if I have any other conditions besides my autism.
Also, while I don't have a PhD in anything nor am I a mental health professional in any capacity,
So, what brought this on then? Like I said, personal curiosity. And boredom. And because I was doing a bit of research for a character I created called Imaginee (who has Asperger Syndrome and Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and, while looking through the symptoms of NPD, I noticed I actually fit some of the criteria. Ooh, one thing I should point out. It's actually rare for people on the autism spectrum to have a comorbid NPD. But just because it's rare doesn't mean it can't happen.
Anyway, time to list the symptoms and how I tick these particular boxes:
A grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. exaggerating achievements and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) - See that bit in my bio that says "Professional voice actor"? That was embellishing on my part. While I do hope to do voice acting on the side and I provide a lot of voices in my animations, I have never gained professional work as a voice actor. And I'm not an "autistic celebrity" either (although I definitely am autistic, since I was diagnosed with it when I was a toddler). What can I say? I'm ambitious and I doubt I'd be bothered to change my bio when I do get famous.
Also, I genuinely believe I've been hand-picked by God Himself to bring my own brand of entertainment to the world. Why else would He allow me to live this long? And there's also the matter of this English football player with the same name as me who was born literally three days before me but I can easily tell you that Leon is not as brilliant nor as unique as me. He may be a Leon Davies but I'm the Leon Davies. The definite article, you might say.
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - Fun fact: NPD used to be called "megalomania", which roughly means "obsessed with greatness". Well, a more accurate translation would be "great madness" but that's not very indicative, is it? Anyway, more often than not, I do fantasize about being famous. Whether it be collaborating with famous people, being interviewed, or having my own panel at a convention. Though, I wouldn't say I fantasize about brilliance and beauty since I am brilliant and very handsome.
- Believing that they are "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) - It's not so much of a belief as it is a fact. I am unique. And what better way of showing off my uniqueness than a tenacious desire to be known by...let's go with 1 million people. Maybe half a million. Any number as long as it's higher than 1,000. Plus, I already stated how I believe God picked me to bring my own brand of entertainment to the world. And I also went through a phase where I tried (and in some cases, succeeded) to get certain Twitch streamers to notice me.
- Requiring excessive admiration - In case I didn't make it obvious with the previous point, I crave adulation. Lots of it. To the point that I work myself to exhaustion in my attempts at getting it. Hell, I even put many of my stories on hiatus because I felt they weren't getting me as many views as I wanted (except for A Cozy Tale, which I put on hiatus so I can focus on my YouTube channel and because I wanted to be in a happier mental place for 2021).
- A sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations) - There have been a few occasions where I contacted someone in the hope that they would collaborate with me on an animation, fully expecting them to be interested enough and/or nice enough to do it pro bono. So imagine how annoying it is when they snub me. Also, it should come as no surprise that every time I upload a video on YouTube or publish a story on FiMFiction, I expect it to gain lots of likes and views in no time (which my more recent stories have accomplished). So, while I don't have it as bad as other people, I do feel entitled. And to be honest, why wouldn't I? I work my arse off on free entertainment. I'd like to reap the fruits of my labour ASAP.
Being interpersonally exploitative (taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends) - It wouldn't hurt to admit I've developed a Machiavellian streak in recent years and have made friends based solely on what they can do for me, especially when my attempts at contacting famous people to see if they're interested in working with me went bollocks up. At least one friend I made, I did with the express purpose of having him work on TAWOTA with me. Don't get me wrong, I genuinely enjoy this friend's company and we both have common interests but that doesn't change the fact I made friends with him simply because I needed more people to work with me on TAWOTA. Kinda like how Trixie initially made friends with Starlight to beat Twilight at something and yet genuinely enjoys her company to the point that she was upset when Starlight (temporarily) broke things off with her:
Lacking empathy: unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others - Uh...Hehe...
How do I say this without coming off as a total dickhead? Could use my autism but there's a difference between an autistic person's difficulty in empathizing and the lack of empathy common in narcissists and sociopaths. While they are capable of learning how to recognize other people's feelings, autistic people usually have difficulty in doing so, especially when it comes to nonverbal cues. Also, most people on the spectrum have difficulty with social interactions anyway so they might not be sure how to react. In other words, autistic people can empathize with others.Narcissists, on the other hand, are more than capable of recognizing other people's emotions. They just don't give a fuck. Though, like a sociopath, a narcissist is more than capable of pretending to give a fuck if it gets them what they want. So how do I know that my difficulty in empathy has nothing to do with my autism? Simple. I learnt how to recognize emotions but, because everyone's so negative nowadays and there are so many people in the world, I also learnt how to not give a fuck. To emphasize my point, I feel nothing when doing genuine acts of kindness so the only reasons I do anything nice for people in spite of this is because I'm asked to or I see it as something that will pay off down the line.
- Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them - Not gonna lie, this is another vice of mine that I really need to keep in check. Nothing irritates me more than seeing someone be successful sooner than me or at a younger age than me (even more so if it's both). Even if they produce something I like, I have to tell myself "it's fine, they're not a threat to you" and "you got plenty of time to reach the same level of success as them". Doesn't quell the fact that they're enjoying the success that should belong to me, though.
- Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitude - Amusingly, this is a part of me that has mellowed out over the years. While I am still overcofindent and a bit of a braggart, it's not as bad as it was in my secondary school years where the majority of my classmates were hyperactive idiots.
So...thoughts?
P.S: Yes, I am aware of the irony of a Christian most likely being a narcissist (I haven't been diagnosed with NPD, in case I didn't make that clear enough) considering Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I'm working on it.
P.P.S: Feel free to check out Trixie's Totally Not Suffering A Bout of Narcissistic Rage Because Ponies Are Showing Up For The Shows Of Lesser Magicians, which I have tagged this blog post with.
I'd argue being a narcissist is good.
Most people live in a state of self-hatred and low confidence. Believing in yourself to a delusional level is a plus since it can propel you to great heights.
Just make sure to lift others up too
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You can say that again. Imagine where I'd be if I didn't have such grandiose ambitions!
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Lol exactly.
As long as you always remember to lift others up alongside you, feel free to be as narcissistic as you want. You only get one life. Might as well love yourself in it.
I just think Pride month exists to sell rainbow themed merchandise.
At the end of the day we are all just normal people. This should just be normal.
To me, I consider months like these objectifying and making it not normal. Like for this one month businesses put on rainbow colors and pretend to support it.