Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Week 11 · 1:02pm Nov 29th, 2020
We return to Pony Life this week, and all the madness that that entails. Let’s see what’s cooking in the land of physically improbable head-to-body ratios.
Game Knight
I’m not expecting the girls to play a round of Commander—certainly not in five minutes—but I would be pleasantly surprised.
Ah. Looks like O&O based on the title card. That works too. And once more we have the ambiguity of whether Twilight lives in Golden Oaks (now with cutie-marked megaliths) or a ruined castle on the edge of town. Maybe she rotates between the two to confuse the angry mobs.
Huh. Well. The sudden climate shift was unexpected. Are pegasi still in charge of weather in this world, or is it left to the whims of Chaos Pinkie in the seconds before her power is siphoned away for the good of all? The earlier mention of perfect sunlight raises similar questions about Pony Life Celestia’s role in all of this.
(Also, random thought: If PL!Celestia is the same size as her subjects, what does Big Mac look like?)
Ohhh. Just a bit of mad science gone wrong. I’m not just okay with this, I wish it had been more of a theme throughout the series thus far. Though there was that duplication device Rainbow Dash abused to create a future ruled by tyrannical butterflies.
Say what you will about this spinoff, it does have its high points.
Also, Twilight and friends trapped in the library due to inclement weather. Shades of “Look Before You Sleep.”
Okay, first of all, a croque monsieur is primarily ham, as seen even with Rarity’s example. That aside, I am intrigued by a game that involves a dictionary and a tuning fork in a land of spontaneous musical numbers… not that there have been any in Pony Life.
One-Night Bugbear and Cannibal in the Creek raise quite a few questions between the two of them.
… Yeah, I’d expect the rules for a game that Twilight designed to outweigh the actual board by a hundred to one.
I admit, I would pay good money to hear Tabitha St. Germain to do dramatic reading of fan fiction. Or RPG rulebooks.
Let’s not think too hard about the first page of the rules being in the center of the book. Maybe it’s multilingual, though that raises the question of why the Ponish section lies so far within. Unless—
Darn it, I said not to think too hard about this.
Okay, those are clearly humans. Or at least humanoids with exposed skin. This raises further questions… yet still works with my hypothesis of Pony Life’s origins. Both Twilight and Pinkie have been through the mirror after all. (Yes, Pinkie did it in an outtake reel, but look me in the eye and tell me that doesn’t make perfect sense. And that’s putting aside the prevalent modern technology in Pony Life.)
Oh. Oh dear. I do love a wide variety of species in an RPG, playable and otherwise, but describing the actual campaign scenario in the main rulebook? Yeah, that does not bode well. I can already hear the engine whistle on this railroad.
Interesting illustrations. We’ve got the four elements, what appears to be a giant enemy crab, and… a pointier-headed Beheeyem?
Ah. I see the problem. This isn’t D&D at all. With this level of depth and detail, we’re dealing with a White Wolf vehicle. Probably Exalted going by the sheer magnitude of lore involved.
The contents of the actual box seem made for these six, and probably have been. Looks like there’s a pair of hennins (the tall, conical princess caps) for each of them, to say nothing of the apple counters and the rainbow dragon.
… Oh. Unfortunately, Twilight has a vision. And zero playtesting. This is not going to end well in the short term.
Rarity raises a good point. Twilight as imperious meterological tyrant does carry some implication beyond Game Night. Ones that will apparently not be discussed here.
And again, playtesting is important. Remember that the original Dungeons & Dragons was created by actuaries. It took a long time to pare it down from multi-page tables of polearms to 5e. That can be a little too simple at times, but it is wonderfully accessible… as long as you don’t try to play a ranger.
Director Spike’s Mockumentary
Again, I’m not expecting This is Spinal Tap in five minutes, but I’ll be pleasantly surprised if I get it.
I’d ask for context for the cupcake fight, but I very much doubt I’ll get any.
Pretty sure time and vector manipulation are cheating, Dash.
Was Spike supposed to be gone? He played a prominent role last week. Well, it not like much care was put into continuity for this series…
Also, I’m going to assume that ECC is Equestria Community College, which feels like a very wide net to cast. Unless I misheard a P. Ponyville Community College seems a lot more reasonable.
Ah, more evidence that yes, Rarity naturally produces gems as part of her biology. This raises a number of questions, especially for Sparity shippers. (What really gets me is that I actually predicted this bit in Future Congestive. Of all the things to call…)
Dash on a motorcycle. Again, clear EqG influence.
I have to appreciate the apples in AJ’s holsters during her imagine spot.
“We could record nature footage.”
It’s nice to know that the writers didn’t completely forget Fluttershy’s characterization.
“The Day Before Tomorrow” does sound like an amazing title for a sci-fi farce.
“I want to do a documentary about what life in Sugarcube Corner is really like.”
I really wish they could decide whether or not the main cast works and possibly lives at the Corner.
Good to see the whole episode won’t be about Spike trying to make himself heard over ponies trampling over his ideas.
Given how the ponies are locking up, it may have been best for Spike to treat this like a nature documentary. Record from the rafters, possibly in a cotton candy ghillie suit, and edit in narration later.
Thank you, Applejack. Someone has to be the voice of reason. (Also, I have to appreciate how Pinkie, the one pony who’s actually been on television before, isn’t involved in this scene. She actually knows what she’s doing, after all.)
… Did Rarity just spell her name with two T’s? Is this a copyright thing, like how they gave Diamond Tiara a middle name?
Ah, good, Spike took my advice that he was definitely able to hear. 
Pinkie, again, you were never involved. It felt weird because you’d apparently ceased to exist for the last few minutes.
I do have to wonder where and how Spike got access to the theme song. I also have to wonder how any health inspectors will react to the candid cupcake clash.
Good thing this just had to be a short film. Spike’s technique was clever, but he never would’ve gathered enough usable footage with it for a full feature.
Sci-fi western romance with a musical component… So, Serenity: the Musical?
Whoof-Dunnit
Five minutes, Poirot, pleasant surprise, yadda yadda. 
Ooh, more detective Rarity. This bodes well… assuming she can keep her ego relatively restrained.
Stacking rolling pins like that inspires as many hows as whys. If you thought Jenga was bad, imagine if the pieces were designed to rotate.
Speaking as someone who’s made a Marie Kondo reference in an earlier card blog, seeing one to her here is a bit disconcerting.
I have a number of questions about Ponyville at night, not least the conspicuous tunnel and steam-spewing manhole.
Rarity treating lost accessories the way Fluttershy treats baby animals is… honestly something I didn’t know I wanted until I saw it.
Hey, Vinyl. Impressive sign language, but maybe tone it down a few notches.
Ah, we’ve gone monochrome. The game is ahoof. Very thoughtful of Pinkie to provide the background music.
Okay, credit for the arrows being there before the gag.
I asked it during “Marks and Recreation,” and I’m asking it now: How do you snap with hooves?
I admit, I do appreciate the auto-correct gag. And the sheer breadth of Angel’s social circle.
Wow. Out of all the feelings Pony Life might inspire in me, I was not expecting Ren & Stimpy nostalgia.
“Applejack looks great in every hat.”
True. That was basically the plot of an early Pony Life episode. That and an existential crisis.
Going by the random crystals on the desk, I’m guessing that Rarity has a room in her house dedicated to her noir episodes.
Heh. One of the benefits of fourth-wall awareness: We’re Applejack’s alibi, given audience knowledge of the Element of Honesty and her track record when it comes to convincing deception.
Huh. Going by the sheer quantity of piled mattresses, I think Rarity’s going for the Princess and the Pea sleeping method… though plopping a whole bedframe on top of the pile kind of defeats the purpose.
So… did Rarity ever get that organizer to Pinkie or what? Given her attention span, I’m legitimately unsure whether or not she kept it in mind long enough to do so.
Dear Tabby
This might not happen if you didn’t put actual black powder in the firework cupcakes, Pinkie.
Okay, looking at the layout of Dear Tabby, I am ninety percent sure that it’s on Tumblr.
I have a number of questions about that earth mare with a human skull cutie mark.
Mysterious, anonymous Internet entity who Applejack admires… I probably shouldn’t be getting You’ve Got Mail vibes from this, and yet…
Wow. Rude. I could easily see Spike making a good advice columnist… for anxiety-ridden unicorns, anyway. So, you know, Canterlot.
A Song of Ice and Fire as a one-pony show seems downright impossible. How are you supposed to backstab and/or sleep with yourself that many times?
The argument is less a rap battle and more flyting. The main difference being that it doesn’t need a backbeat.
“Well… You’re wrong!”
Ah, Internet arguments. At least Applejack didn’t make any judgements about Rarity’s politics.
“How do I get her to apologize?”
This is honestly some quality Applejack. So stubborn that even when asking for help, she refuses to consider that she might be in the wrong.
This is a good lesson. Two of them, actually. Not just accepting the possibility of being at fault, but also that hard-to-swallow pills may still be what the doctor ordered.
This isn’t actually the first time we’ve had a Daenerys reference in Gen 4, though it is the first outside of the comics. Also, poor Spike.
Admitting your Internet identity to a mare who can’t lie… Well, we know that lies of omission aren’t an issue for Applejack. This should be fine as long as no one thinks to ask her about it. And I do appreciate the foreshadowing in the previous short with Rarity advising Pinkie.
So, based on some admittedly cursory research, you need a yield of at least fifteen kilotons of TNT to get a mushroom cloud. I know, I know, this is Death Battle levels of reading too much into an explosion, but it still paints a distressing image of those firework cupcakes.
In all, this was a quality batch. Some good lessons, some good character moments, and a much less obnoxious Rarity in general than what I’ve seen it recent weeks. Now, let’s see what I can make from this raw material:
Alien Hoof Syndrome W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage, Alien Hoof Syndrome deals 2 damage to that creature.
2W: Enchanted creature gains double strike until end of turn.
Unicorn Dramatist 1W
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Whenever Unicorn Dramatist becomes the target of a spell or ability, it gains indestructible until end of turn unless any opponent pays 2.
“And scene.”
2/2
Cloud of Moths 2W
Creature — Insect
Flying
1W, Sacrifice Cloud of Moths: Destroy target artifact or enchantment.
“I’d say they have no taste, but they are eating my best work.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
2/1
Vector Shift 3W
Instant
If a creature or planeswalker would deal damage this turn, it deals that damage to itself instead.
Rainbow Dash speeds up everything, including karmic retribution.
Noir Saxophonist 2U
Creature — Pony Band
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, investigate. (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
The right mood music helps even the most dire task.
1/3
Anonymous Advisor 3U
Creature — Unicorn Advisor
Hexproof
At the beginning of each player’s draw step, that player draws an additional card.
If no one knows who you are, no one can accuse you of bias.
2/2
Cryonic Seal 3U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant permanent
When Cryonic Seal enters the battlefield, tap enchanted permanent.
Enchanted permanent doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
Found Footage 3U
Instant
Draw a card for each spell your opponents have cast this turn.
What you do when you think the cameras aren’t rolling can be the most compelling story of all.
Moonlit Stroll 2B
Sorcery
Creatures you control gain menace until end of turn.
Draw a card.
“I appreciate ponies enjoying my night. Sadly, not all feel the same way.”
—Princess Luna
Grim Anthropologist 3B
Creature — Pony Warlock
When Grim Anthropologist enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand. If that card is a Human card, put a deathtouch counter on Grim Anthropologist.
“One day, the riders will return.”
2/1
High Noon Showdown R
Instant
Choose target creature you control and target creature an opponent controls. Clash with that player. If you win, the creature you control deals damage equal to its power to the other. Otherwise, those creatures fight each other. (Each clashing player reveals the top card of their library, then puts that card on the top or bottom. A player wins if their card had a higher converted mana cost.)
Unstable Batch 2R
Sorcery
Create a token that’s a copy of target artifact, except it has haste and “When this artifact leaves the battlefield, it deals damage equal to its converted mana cost to any target.” Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.
Spectrum-Breath Dragon 4R
Creature — Dragon
Flying
X: Spectrum-Breath Dragon gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each color of mana spent to activate this ability. Activate this ability only once each turn.
Few deaths are so beautiful.
3/4
Mallet Slammer 5R
Creature — Human Warrior
When Mallet Slammer enters the battlefield, it deals X damage to each creature without flying you don’t control, where X is the number of creatures in your party. (Your party consists of up to once each of Cleric, Rogue, Warrior, and Wizard.)
4/4
Draconic Atrocity 6R
Sorcery
Create a 5/5 red Dragon creature token with flying. Then Draconic Atrocity deals X damage to each non-Dragon creature and each planeswalker, where X is the number of Dragons you control plus the number of Dragon cards in your graveyard.
Bunny Buddies 1G
Creature — Rabbit
Bunny Buddies can’t be blocked by creatures with power less than or equal to the number of Rabbits you control.
Whenever Bunny Buddies deals combat damage to a player, create a token that’s a copy of Bunny Buddies.
2/1
Hypertrophy Grub 3G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +3/+3.
When enchanted creature dies, return Hypertrophy Grub to the battlefield transformed under your control.
Vespid Bugbear
(G) Creature — Insect Bear
Vigilance, reach, deathtouch
By the time parasitic bugbears eat their way out of their hosts, a second course of slain foes awaits them.
3/3
Reclusive Javelineer 3G
Creature – Human Warrior
Reach
When Reclusive Javelineer enters the battlefield, it deals 3 damage to up to one target creature with flying.
The deep jungle permits nothing larger than a gnat above the canopy.
3/2
Bleakbeak Mask 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has menace.
When equipped creature deals combat damage to a player or planeswalker, you may transform Bleakbeak Mask.
Equip 2
Masked Bleakraven
(B) Creature — Bird Specter
Flying, menace
Whenever Masked Bleakraven deals combat damage to a player, that player discards a card.
Blood, pain, and fear gather in the mask and hatch into pure darkness.
2/2
Third-Party Supplement 2
Artifact
When Third-Party Supplement enters the battlefield, draw a card.
As Third-Party Supplement enters the battlefield, choose a creature type other than Cleric, Rogue, Warrior, or Wizard.
Your party can include a creature of the chosen type. (You need a creature of that type to have a full party.)
Throne of Manes 5
Artifact
When Throne of Manes enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
3, T: Create a 2/2 green Pony creature token. If you’re the monarch, create three of those tokens instead.
Stuffed with the sheared locks of every conquered vassal.
Spark Joy (br)(br)
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a noncreature permanent.
Draw two cards.
“There’s something wonderfully cathartic about letting go of the old.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Thorough Regimen 2(gw)
Sorcery
Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
“Talent’s a great starting point, but everypony’s got to put in some work to really hit the top.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Bonepyre Marauder 2BR
Creature — Skeleton Warrior
Haste
When Bonepyre Marauder dies, it deals 3 damage to any target.
BR, Pay 3 life: Return Bonepyre Marauder from your graveyard to your hand.
Flames of hatred burn eternal.
3/1
Imperiled Orchard
Land
T: Add C.
T: Add B or G. Each opponent gains 1 life.
Even a humble pear orchard can host a critical battle for the fate of a realm.
Me thinks you've stumbled upon Pinkie Power
I should not be laughing at this, but I am, for some reason.
The normal show has your precedent. I'll leave the specifics of what left such a skull to your imagination (it's Danny, who refused to leave the world that contained his wife).
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: There's nothing stopping you from paying the additional cost of Spark Joy with something you tapped to pay the mana cost, other than that thing potentially being a creature and mana sources being your most important permanents early on. And no, you can turn things into creatures but you can't do so fast enough to stop them from being sacrificed for cost.
If they did play Commander, it would not surprise me if Rainbow Dash got kicked out of their playgroup for running this deck in an effort to win as quickly as possible. Six person pods are too big anyway.
Third-Party Supplement is super cool.
Let me know if you want to, you know, pool funds for the greater good.
All the more evidence that Equestria is a post-apocalyptic Earth where ponykind rose up against their human overlords and ate their minds and hearts to gain their knowledge and courage.
Pretty much exactly what I said about this episode when it came out.
I still think Rara being
worst ponyobnoxious is part of what makes her great, it's a key part of why I liked her in FiM as well. She does have a couple more episodes somewhat centred around her in the next two weeks, so you can look forward to those. Though I think both batches will have other stuff you're more likely to focus on.Once those are done I guess we'll have to wait for season 2. I know I at least am looking forward to it, probably along with others on this site. There's dozens of us, I tell you.
I caught the episode last week, but just realized something. Probably obvious for some but just in case:
5445242
... Huh. I was wondering about the "Tabby" part. That's actually kind of brilliant.