Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Week 5

And we’re back to G4.5 and the horrible web of lies that keeps Fluttershy thinking she’s involved in something intended for a much younger age group.

Let’s not think too hard about potential connections there.

The Fast and the Furriest

So, how many times do you think family’s going to come up on this one? To say nothing of how they’ll name the sequels…

You know, I think this is the first time we’ve seen Owloysius in an actual episode since “Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?” He kind of fell off the map when Twilight picked up a new pet in the form of Starlight Glimmer.

I admit, Dash failing to finish the “so hungry, I could eat a…” gag is actually funnier than if she’d just said “horse.”

Pinkie and Gummy are apparently drift compatible. That or one is the other’s Stand. Possibly both.
Huh. There’s a crossover idea…

Twilight getting in a competitive fit with Rainbow Dash feels odd… but I could see speed-eating as one of their potential contests. That or Daring Do trivia, and I don’t think A.K. Yearling’s been established as a thing in this world. That said, given how quickly these two downed those cupcakes, hanger may still be a factor.
(I think “hanger” works as a noun form of “hangry,” even if it homonymous with actual word. Definitely works when spoken aloud; the g isn’t silent.)

Good attempt at de-escalation, Fluttershy, but the plot must go on.

Some of the new pet designs work better than others. Honestly, I like Opal’s look better than her FiM appearance. Angel’s eyes make him look like a full sophont who’s just mooching off of Fluttershy, so that’s perfect. But Tank looks kind of goofy, Winona makes him seem sophisticated by comparison, and Owloysius is an absolute borb. Also, while Angel’s look is good, he’s about the same size as both Opal and Winona, which is downright bizarre.

Huh. No magic in assembling the cart. Does tactile telekinesis count? Because otherwise that’ll be a lot of mouth-operated tools.

Okay, now they’re just spouting words with minimal rhyme or reason.

There was a brief moment of hope when Tank and Owloysius looked at each other with concern about their owners. Then they got caught up in the spirit of things themselves.

Pinkie said no magic. She didn’t say anything about outside assistance.

Heh. Jackrabbit. And I’d be upset at Fluttershy letting this happen to any of her animals, but Angel has a pretty massive karmic debt to repay.

Twilight, I don’t think an actual car engine is in the spirit of the rules. On the other hand, Dash is using rockets, so what do I know?

She’s sharing a garage with Dash? Didn’t expect that.
Oh! It’s a workshop pyramid. Wasn’t expecting that at all.

“On your cutie mark” was bad enough when none of the racers are ponies. “Get cutie set” was unforgivable. “Cutie go” nearly made me close the tab.

It’s a sad day when the characters’ pets are better friends than they are.

Hmm. Do you think one ponypower is still 550 foot-pounds per second? (Assuming all other units are equal… which may assume that Celestia’s hoof is a foot across.)

It does still feel weird for Twilight of all ponies to get caught up in competitive fervor for something that isn’t a contest of the mind. And being reminiscent of “The Cart Before the Ponies” isn’t exactly a point in the episode’s favor. Some fun antics, but this is perhaps the most lightweight and off-putting slice of Pony Life thus far.

Disappearing Act

And speaking of “The Cart Before the Ponies,” here’s the Crusaders’ Pony Life premiere. I do like their designs, though Sweetie’s hair resembles mine after six months of quarantine.

The eight weeks feels like a metareference, but as noted in the blog title, this is only week 6 of Pony Life. Maybe this one was supposed to air later?

Okay, I just heard Sweetie Belle’s voice come out of Apple Bloom’s mouth. I figured there might be some degree of voice actress shuffling, but that hit the absolute nadir of a personal uncanny valley.

Rarity, don’t try to be Trixie. That’s just not your brand of showmareship.

So… did the girls never do any preplanning for what they’d be showing the Crusaders?

Dipping a wand in potion allows one to project the effects. Interesting.

And then they ended up in the Cognitive Realm from “Bad Thing No. 3.” I was not expecting an interdimensional void to be a recurring feature in this series.

Angel being in the hat and also hyperventilating was a nice touch.

I actually like this explanation. Magic can easily make the figurative literal. Acting like others’ opinions don’t exist causing their bodies to follow suit works nicely with magic as morally focused as Equestria’s.

Huh. The potions never actually mixed going by how the colors are still separate. I suppose different brewing methods can easily yield different specific gravities.

A good lesson and a believable patsy. Rarity’s ego can all too easily get away from her. The Crusaders didn’t have much to do, but it is nice to see that they, you know, exist in this timeline. But again, Claire Corlett’s Apple Bloom is scarcely any different from Sweetie Belle, and it is freaking weird.

Badge of Shame

I’m not at all surprised that Pinkie names her oven, or that she worked it past the breaking point. But I wasn’t expecting Dr. Delores Cubaker. Still, I’m proud of her getting her degree.

“Without Delores, I’m not a baker. And if I’m not a baker, then who even am I?”
Um… a party planner? I suppose now that Pinkie has to manage Sugarcube Corner personally, that’s necessarily moved to the wayside.

Okay, we once again come to the question of why these mares do all of this stuff at Sugarcube Corner rather than their own homes. Or why Twilight couldn’t have at least had the package delivered to the Corner.

Twilight, here’s an instruction manual. It might be handy if you, the master of instructions, take it with you.

Oh dear. The Ikea pony Tumblr blog just became canon. (Also, so is buckball.)

I appreciate Applejack coming as close as she could to “It was then that Twilight knew she fed up.”

The best criticism is doing it better, yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean shredding the original instructions into confetti.

Twilight. Pinkie. You’re hammering in a screw. I don’t think this is an improvement.

Oh, right, goofy toon logic. Though I get the feeling this original package wasn’t meant to be an oven or a pipe organ.

Pinkie’s gone from a Ph.D. to a knight with her ovens. Not sure whether or not that’s an upgrade.

And Gummy apparently has a houseboat full of scrap. Well, as long as he doesn’t go stealing any banana hoards, it shouldn’t be worth worrying about.

Discord’s Peak

And we’re back to Dr. Cubaker, because time is an illusion and continuity doubly so.

“Mount Volcanope” is high up there on the list of names to never hike up.
I knew John de Lancie wouldn’t be voicing Discord in Pony Life, but it’s still kind of disappointing to experience. Though still not as disconcerting as Apple Belle.

What distinguishes a magical volcano from a geological one?

Rarity can apparently produce crystals biologically. I’m strangely okay with this.

Fluttershy trying to entice Discord by promising chaos and mortal peril is honestly delightful. I admit, I do kind of ship it. Discord’s response also makes sense. The activity’s part of a larger organization. Why would he ever be interested in such a thing? You know, when the organization itself isn’t tacitly devoted to chaos.

Good to see Pinkie’s gotten a bit more stringent about layabouts actually paying for their insouciant sipping after Dishwater Slog.

“But he’s my walking disaster.”
Hey, I’m not judging.

Okay, I am judging on the whole “cause chaos to attract Discord’s notice” thing, but we already knew Fluttershy was his most devout cultist. And vice versa.

Huh. Always nice to see Discord perform magic through a means other than snapping. Though channeling a blast between his horns is rather reminiscent of Tirek. Also interesting to note that this instance of him actually does flap his wings while airborne.

I see the little hearts wafting off of Fluttershy.

Okay, writers, you got a Rule of Three out of “Look over there!” Now drop it.

Yeah, I’m going to interpret that last bit as Discord wanting to spend time with Fluttershy. Unless there’s more going on during his teleportation than I realize.

There are some good morals this round, though they lack the bite of the earlier episodes. Part of that is trying to fit a full narrative in five minutes, but another is the much less confrontational plots. Pony Life shines most when there’s some tangible, conscious force of opposition arrayed against the main cast.

Still, let’s see what I can do with what they've given me:

Delicious Fantasy 1W
Instant
You gain 10 life. At the beginning of the next end step, your life total becomes equal to your life total as this turn began.
For a brief moment, it brings satiety and satisfaction. Then reality sets in again.

Convoluted Instructions 2W
Tribal Artifact — Rigger
When Convoluted Instructions enters the battlefield, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)
Spells your opponents cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost 2 more to cast.
“Where’d the hex wrench go?”

Pearlwhisker Purebred 2W
Creature — Cat
As long as Pearlwhisker Purebred is enchanted or equipped, other Cats you control get +1/+1 and have vigilance.
The most respected cats have pets who offer tribute unprompted.
2/2

Tool Retriever 3W
Creature — Dog
When Tool Retriever enter the battlefield, search your library and graveyard for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle your library.
When Tool Retriever dies, put the exiled card into its owner’s hand.
“Good girl! Now let it go.”
3/3

Razzle Pizazzle 2UU
Instant
Copy target permanent spell. (The copy becomes a token.)
Trixie scowled into the distance. Somewhere, somepony was making a mockery of her.

Crystal Synthesizer 3U
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
Whenever you cast an instant, sorcery, or Wizard spell, create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
“You’d be amazed how much mana goes to waste with most spells.”
1/4

Void Veteran 3U
Creature — Pony Soldier
Flash
You may cast Void Veteran from exile.
“Hey there. First time? Don’t worry, you get used to the place.”
3/3

Solo Scout 2B
Creature — Chimera Scout
Whenever Solo Scout attacks, if you control no other creatures, it explores. (Reveal the top card of your library. Put that card into your hand if it’s a land. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature, then put the card back or put it into your graveyard.)
3/2

Voidslip Assassin 4B
Creature — Unicorn Assassin
Whenever Voidslip Assassin blocks or becomes blocked, exile it and all creatures blocking or blocked by it. Then put three time counters on Voidslip Assassin.
Suspend 3 — 1B (Rather than cast this card from your hand, you may pay 1B and exile it with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost. It has haste.)
3/4

Scholar of Convection 2R
Creature — Pony Wizard
Whenever a source you control deals noncombat damage to an opponent, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.
At Korral Keep, incinerating the thesis committee is an acceptable way to earn your degree.
3/1

Volcanope Eruption 2RR
Instant
Volcanope Eruption deals 4 damage to any target.
“Volcanoes are only extinct in the same way dinosaurs or slivers are. Some troublemaker’s bound to revive them eventually.”
—Discord
< Land T: Add R.
Volcanope Caldera
Land
Volcanope Caldera enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add R.
“In the meantime, the overgrown lumps aren’t good for much beyond a decent view.”
—Discord
< Instant 2RR

Spirit of Competition 3RR
Creature — Spirit
At the beginning of combat on each opponent’s turn, goad target creature that player controls. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)
4/3

Unpredictable Blend 5R
Sorcery
Each player reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal an instant or sorcery card. You may cast any number of instant and sorcery cards revealed this way without paying their mana costs. Each player puts all revealed cards they own that weren’t cast on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Agricultural Mentor 3G
Creature — Pony Druid
Green creatures you control have “T: Untap target land.”
For centuries, other ponies thought turning seeds into crops was only possible with earth pony magic. Learning the truth made them dismiss the tribe’s true power.
2/3

Pinkie’s Oven 1
Artifact
2, T: Create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
“Guaranteed cat-free!”
—Pinkie, Bearer of Laughter

Maplewood Racer 2
Artifact — Vehicle
Melee (Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each opponent you attacked this combat.)
Crew 2 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 2 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
3/2

Esoteric Grimoire 3
Artifact
2, T: Scry 1. You may reveal the top card of your library. If that card is rare or mythic rare, put it into your hand.
“We had it for, um, cutie mark reasons. Very technical. You wouldn’t understand.”
—Sweetie Belle

Organic Oven
Artifact — Contraption
Whenever you crank Organic Oven, create a Food token.

Discordant Invoker RG
Creature — Pegasus Cleric
Reach
6RG: Exile the top two cards of your library. Put all land cards exiled this way onto the battlefield. Cast the rest without paying their mana costs if able.
“Chaos for everypony!”
1/3

Expository Breezie GU
Creature — Pony Faerie
Flying
When Expository Breezie enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Some breezies survive the lands of bigfolk by making themselves too useful to squish.
1/1

Booster Tortoise 1RG
Creature — Turtle
Riot (This creature enters the battlefield with your choice of a +1/+1 counter or haste.)
Whenever Booster Tortoise attacks, you may switch its power and toughness until end of turn.
Rainbow Dash and rocketry mix all too well.
1/4

Blithe Disregard 1WUB
Instant
Exile target spell or nonland permanent.
“Sorry, were you saying something? In any case…”

Comments

[Luna Aeterna Solutae]

It kinda feels like Pony Life is just... fanfiction land... like a weird mash of the intended and secondary audiences' weirder reinterpretation of the show...

[Herald of Opera]

Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Voidslip Assassin leaves her dance partners in the void, then comes back whenever she's ready for more. How rude.

Inside Baseball Alert: Keral Keep is a monastery dedicated to MtG's original wisecracking pyromancer, and incidentally provided training for her successor.

Inside Baseball Alert: Repeatedly feeding a cat its own corpse is a legitimate usage of ovens. At least you aren't killing people by making a voodoo doll feel guilt.

Inside Baseball Alert: In MtG parlance, an "Invoker" is a common creature with a deliberately overcosted mana sink ability. Let's link the one I remember from when someone decided to make an infinite loop using only commons that were in Standard at the time, even though the concept is older.

[Gym Quirk]

Hmm. Do you think one ponypower is still 550 foot-pounds per second?

And what does that say about the power-to-weight ratio for Cherry Berry’s helicopter? (Pinkie’s candy-copter gets a pass because Pinkie, of course)

Okay, I just heard Sweetie Belle’s voice come out of Apple Bloom’s mouth. I figured there might be some degree of voice actress shuffling, but that hit the absolute nadir of a personal uncanny valley.

[Insert Michelle Creber singing for Claire Corlett observation here.]

[Thought Prism]

Side note, did you go to the prerelease? Because I did, and had great fun. Pulled a Jace and a foil Grackmaw in the same pack.

[Polychromatic]

This was probably not the strongest week for PL. I look forward to your reactions to the next one though, one episode in particular. Now that season 1 is over, I need to decide if I want to re-watch it with my boyfriend right away or wait for cleaner uploads once it's on YouTube.

[FanOfMostEverything]

5359297
"Pinkie Pie created this world" is my favorite shorthand for explaining the weirdness. By which I mean both justifying it and summarizing it.

5359298

Voidslip Assassin leaves her dance partners in the void, then comes back whenever she's ready for more. How rude.

Given this phrasing, I feel compelled to link to this particular bit of art.

5359307

Insert Michelle Creber singing for Claire Corlett observation here.

It is clearly not a symmetrical relationship.

5359311
Wizards pulled the plug on my LGS's prerelease. The good news is that my reservation got moved forward to the release event. Because apparently it's fine to have people play in person if you wait a week.

(My store's very good about being careful with COVID. Maximum capacity of eight people, with mandatory masks, card sleeves, and squirts of hand sanitizer for everyone between rounds.)

5360224
Consider me intrigued.

[Thought Prism]

5360251
My LGS is basically the opposite. The same lax, non-spikey atmosphere that makes it a welcoming environment for new players and a generally fun place to hang out also means only about half the people who showed up bothered with masks like I did. Still, I'm not worried, as most of the people who play MTG tend not to be social butterflies . If I do catch Covid, Celestia forbid, it'll probably be from one of my weekly trips to the supermarket.