Sep
15th
2020
[UPDATE] Yes, you saw that right, a new chapter has been posted · 2:02am Sep 15th, 2020
I'll do a more expansive blog post on this tomorrow, but as you can see I've posted a new chapter for My Empire of Dirt. This one was FUCKING HARD to write, and I needed at least two vacation days off work to get it from the bare outline form into the fully fleshed out product I finally was able to publish. Let nobody tell you that writing about suicide attempts is easy, if they say that then they're lying.
But...it IS easy. Or maybe not. Apparently I'm weird.
So in 8th grade I asked out 5 girls, 4 of them said no, and the 5th was already dating. This by itself was no big deal. By that time I had learned to deal with my back of popularity. It was the two lunch recesses in a row just before Christmas where I got the ball in a girls vs boys game of keep away and the girls ran AWAY from me that sapped my will to live. TBH I'm not sure why I never actually attempted suicide, instead dreaming up power fantasies where I could die a hero.
The closest I came was deciding, yes I AM going to kill myself by my 26th birthday if I wasn't approved for brain surgery. By that point my dystonia had advanced enough to where I could no longer engross myself in the video games I...used to escape?(Honestly I'm not sure what 'enjoyment' means on an emotionalwant to kill themselves upon reachingwa level, if I ever did) I literally headdesked, my torso spasms were so bad.
But OTOH most of the reason why I never wrote out the self-insert I kick around in my head is because I realize most people don't want to read about some asshole who would immediately want to kill themselves upon reaching Equestria(I currently have an implanted battery I need to recharge every 3-5 days, which is not viable in most Equestrias), or try and eat Celestia after she tries to defend Discord after he reminds me into an alicorn for the Lulz.
On the plus side I decided to start writing again, at least after I replay Mega Man Zero 1-4. So it's not all emo bullshit with me!
It was a heavy chapter, and you did a beautiful job of it. One of the purest expressions of grace I've ever had the privilege of reading.
Antiquarian'll love it if he reads this story.