Story is done

So finished I finished "The Shadow Queen" or, more specifically, posted the last chapter tonight on 6/15/2020, literally at the stroke of midnight. Even as I type this sentence, it's still 12:03 AM.

That story was an experiment in multiple levels. First story I posted that is totally focused on first person perspective, first story where a quasi-villain is the main character, first story I posted that focuses almost completely on canon characters, and more. I heard the complaints about the other stories I posted, and accordingly made this one much shorter per chapter and shorter per paragraph. Accordingly, less chance of losing the attention span of the audience.

This story came to me out of nowhere for the most part, but it was heavily based on another incomplete fic I helped to work on. Sadly, i don't think person will even return to the internet at all, nor will he probably read this blog either. If he does, though, I do want to say that I did my best to honor his work. I was even reluctant to post this story entirely because it might feel like a spoiler for the other story.

So I did make some changes to my approach here and I'm noticing dramatic results. Hardly anyone looks at or touches "My Little Detour". It has no dislikes, but hardly anyone reads it so that's a weak assessment. I was actually excited to write again when I put that one on "paper". It was the first time I actually felt inspired since writing "Sky Dancer, the First Flying Unicorn". I wrote "Sky Dancer" in less than a month, and it's bigger than "Shadow Queen". Back then, which is late 2018, I was averaging 30 pages a day. I never wrote a story that fast before or since.

"My Little Detour" is a sequal to "Sky Dancer" and that might be the problem besides the fact that it is OC focused. I was going to write another story after "Detour" and I did finish the prologue shortly before I started on "The Shadow Queen". I was trying to concentrate on that other story but "The Shadow Queen" came at me from out of nowhere rather instantly so I penned it down to get it out of my system. It ended up the best hit I ever had on this site, and it's still a farcry from the most viewed and/or liked stories on the website by far. That is a humbling realization despite it's success.

While writing for "The Shadow Queen", I noticed how neglected "Detour" was and it broke my heart. I lost heart to finish it's a sequel, the sequel of a sequel, after learning that this website's group is too nich for it. It's not what most people want, and for those that do, they simply don't notice it. it made me realize that the next story was probably going to end up the same way. So, if I want to make another story with similar ratings, it will need just as tight of a restriction as I've done for "The Shadow Queen" and I think that's why I need a break from writing for a while. I don't mind making new experiments on occasion but if i feel stuck on it then it chokes out my inspiration. My imagination does not thrive on tight restrictions, which is also why I've come to realize that this sites contests don't interest me anymore either. I've lost confidence in myself for those anyway, and I'm trying my best to cope with that.

Even with "Shadow Queen", I noticed a decline of interest towards the end there. I suspect most of it revolves around Chapter 47, but I thought the decline would mostly occur over chapter 43. I suspect the reason for removing the likes, and in one case it got reversed to a dislike, has to do with breaking some headcanons or the story not progressing in the way some readers hoped. Maybe they wanted Cozy to conquer Equestria, stomp all over Neighsay, and get Sunny's old job back. I also wonder if the disfavor has to do with that black policewoman in chapter 47. I can't help but wonder because most audiences are too sensitive about issues like that. Meanwhile I wasn't trying to make a statement with her, I just wrote her like I saw her.

I can't please everyone. I know that. Some people can end up really disappointed with the story because they had high expectations before that. If true, in a way that flatters me. At least the story is good enough to keep them reading. It's just like the MLP show itself. The fandom are divided about that too. One of the few franchises I've ever seen recently where most are now united is positive comments about the new Star Wars show, "Mandalorian". I'm on the same bandwagon too for those who see that show. I love it as well. There will always be complainers, but that is one example where there are very few of them.

Ultimately, I hope I'm not the only one to learn and grow from this experience. I hope you all did too, and I'm not blind to the fact that this story has fans too. One of them I can even call a true fan. Someone who claimed that this should be required school reading material if the language was cleaned up a bit. I truly couldn't help but smile at that. Those comments made my day.

But for all of you who write stories or produce art of any kind, even one tiny negative feedback can feel like a punch to the gut, and if it's not explained why, my imagination gets lost trying to explain it. I second guess myself and I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows what that's like. I keep trying to remind myself that there is more positive feedback than bad. Thinking of that does help.

I'd probably take the story down if that pattern was reversed. I've been tempted to take down "My Little Pony: The Next Generation" many times because of the horrible review it got and the detailed explanation of why it sucks, but 12 likes vs 3 dislikes is a very good ratio, and I suspect all of those dislikes were earned with bad short description for being too opinionated and spoilery. As soon as I changed that, those dislikes immediately stopped. If I take the story down, then it removes it from the hands of those who do like it.

My stories are supposed to be a gift for the fandom because they are inspired by the fandom. I still cringe a bit when I look at "Next Generation", but I can't bring myself to remove it despite that because that would feel like taking back a gift that others actually appreciated to receive. In no way do I want to be that treacherous.

So, it's there. People will just take it for what it is. That story was also supposed to be a tribute and love letter to the show and fans simultaneously. It was written with the best of intentions, but still sloppily executed. All of my reviews kept repeating the same complaints about it like "Why focus on the birds at the beginning of the story" so I took out that paragraph even though it was supposed to be like following the feather in "Forest Gump" as I slowly pan the camera down to the main characters, but nobody, I repeat, nobody liked it so I removed it but some of the other complaints can't be fixed because they are too core to the story concept. So, instead, i took it as a learning experience, and my newest story is the result of those lessons.

Overall, I consider this a victory, but one that has kind of caused me a bit of burnout and a little bit of heartache. I had some good times, some bad times, and I kind of know how celebrities feel now just a bit. This is just a little sample of fame, enough to realize how overwhelming a full course meal is. If any of my stories suddenly skyrocketed in fame, I'd likely have mixed feelings about that. Part of me would be happy, and another part would probably feel overwhelmed. Can anyone reading this relate to that?

It's very hard to develop a thick skin for such things. I think I have made some progress in that regard. One comment given to me back on January 16th when I last suffered a crisis regarding my story is, "Write about what you want to read about." I appreciated that advice so much because it encouraged me to think of this in a simple way and reminds me why I get inspired to write in the first place.

I still have about 11 full-length novels sitting in my computer and virtually gathering dust. Part of the reason they are there is I'm nervous to share them, and another part is not sure where to post them since they are not MLP related.

One of my reviews heavily pressed me to post it somewhere. I remember comments like, "Why are you keeping the world in ignorance?" and "Nobody else will post your stories for you." Neither of us can say that for absolutely sure. I think he acknowledged that too, but he's probably right. If I don't post them somewhere, then it will go to the grave with me.

When I first write any of my stories, I often do imagine the audience as sort of an acid test for the story. I try to imagine their praises and criticisms. I make some changes accordingly. Is this strategy weird? Even if it is, it's often necessary. I haven't gotten much feedback before. The exposure on this website is the most I've ever gotten on my stories in my life aside from my mother taking the time to help me make them better. Often her comments are pretty short and dry when it comes to opinion, though. Saying stuff like, "It was good. I liked it." That's it. (shrug) Well, at least I know it's not bad, but one should take the opinions from one's own mother with a grain of salt. In all likelihood, they are softening the blow for most of us.

During this time, I've helped out some people with editing their stories. That's helped me gain some perspective too and improved me as a writer, I think. It's not just more experience. It's clarity because it gives me a wider basis for comparison. During that time, I've learned that most writers will consider their own work the measuring stick to measure other people work, and most will find other stories wanted compared to their own, but that is because our own stories are written in our own writing style, language, and interests. That makes perfect sense, and it's fair. "Write what we want to read.' Yeah. Okay. Most follow that advice without even realizing it, so when we read other people's work, it's hard to shake the habit of thinking that we would have written that story differently. I think we do that for movies and TV shows too. That thinking of, "If it were me writing for this show, I would have done this instead."

I've often advised that anything you love or hate about the franchise like MLP, write a fanfic for it. If you would have done something different in the show, write it down here. At least that way the idea is preserved somewhere. It exists. It's "out there". By doing do, we leave our own mark on the franchise and proved we existed at the same time. Only fans do this. Only fans care about something like this to put in this much work.

This reminds me of a Star Wars d20 campaign I once started with friends which was also my first introduction to 3rd edition type campaign model. That campaign had a dark but compelling beginning. In it, my character was forced to tap into the dark side by drinking some Sith poison that simulated hostile emotions. After that, the character would have to pass a will save every time the character used to force to avoid using the dark side. When the character slipped anyway due to their concentrated training, part of me wanted to quit the campaign right off the bat for being too disturbing, but I had to know how the story ended. Then, when they quit because they moved, I still had to know how it ended, so I made the effort to write out the whole thing in three books which included and went beyond what we role-played.

That is the same kind of energy and passion I find in others writing stories on this site. In others, I see parts of myself. It tells me I'm not alone in the way I feel about certain things. That there are others that can very much relate to my experience, even if they don't know it. It's hard to think outside of our own heads, but reading other stories provides a glimpse to that. Talking with others about their writing process reveals that even further. I will always have that knowledge with me now.

Now it's 1:36 AM. Just letting you know how long it takes me to write out a blog like this. That includes going over it again and checking for mistakes. Part of my habit.