Motherhood: The Letting Go · 10:11am Jun 5th, 2020

Greetings, dear readers. During this time I wanted to take a moment to pen something for all of the mothers on this site to see during this time of pandemic and upheaval, and for non-mothers, and non-parents too.

This time in the world is a time of chaos and upheaval for so many, especially mothers with children who are still young. Expecting mothers and mothers of newborns are being denied experiences that others have had, and it is a very isolating time.

Being a new mother is stressful enough, even without disease, riots, and looting taking place in the rest of the world. But trying to find your identity as a new mother during all of this has got to be one of the hardest things in the world.

From childhood, women hear stories of what motherhood will be. Sometimes, they hear honest stories about sleepless nights, raging hormones, and cleaning up vomit at three in the morning. But most of the time, they're given an idealized version. This version says that when you become a mother, you will find your place in the world, and that you will fall in love with your child so immediately and indelibly that nothing will compare to it. This romanticized account is only partly true. You do fall in love with your child, but for some mothers it takes longer. Some mothers have postpartum depression that makes it difficult to connect with their child at first. And new motherhood often means wrestling with who you are now and who you used to be, often picking and choosing what parts to keep and what to let go of.

Women have been endowed with the idea that a "super mom" exists. She does it all- she cooks, cleans, cares for her child, caters to her partner, and has a career, all while maintaining flawless hair and make it. Super mom is the romanticized idea that needs to be shut down. No woman can continually do all of this without a break, and yet during this pandemic, that is what many Mothers are facing. Mother's who have just given birth have already had to let go of how they thought this journey would be, and they have to now let go of the super mom ideal.

In western culture, the idea of mom shaming comes up quite often. Unsolicited advice from strangers, dirty looks at a nursing mother, and of course comments from parents who believe that their child is a genius while subtly pointing out the wrongs in a new mother's own parenting strategy- and let's not forget the mother in law who believes she knows best about everything. The construct of shaming mothers for their choices- be it as big as choosing to breastfeed or bottle feed, or as small as giving their child a piece of candy- is prevalent and real. New mothers are often dealing with a hormonal roller coaster, and an identity crisis. Being shamed for her choices can be a devastating blow to her already fragile confidence. The idea of super mom doesn't exist just in mothers, but also in world culture, and because of that perceived expectation, women can feel overwhelming shame and believe that they are not doing enough for their child.

With 2020 having thrown the world into chaos, the fear of not being a good enough mom is prevalent. From the new mothers feeling a terrible sense of isolation as they try and cope with having a newborn and little to no help if their partner is an essential worker, and especially if they do not have one, to mothers of toddlers who are overly energetic and need time at the closed park, to parents who are desperately trying to help homeschool their kids and feeling like utter failures for not being able to educate their children properly. The feelings of shame are stronger, and the feeling of shaken confidence and exhaustion is affecting so many mothers.

To mothers, fathers, non-parents, family members, and friends, I ask you this: Please do not participate in shame culture. Mothers raising their kids in a pandemic is difficult enough. My daughter is grown and doesn't even live with me and yet I feel a profound sense of not being good enough because I'm not there. So the level of pain that new mothers and expectant mothers are feeling because of this pandemic is unimaginable. But the shame is unbelievable. There is already a voice in every mother's head that questions every decision she makes. Do not feed into that voice. Instead, ask about what she's doing- ask about how she's doing- and be supportive of it. Now more than ever, mothers need the support of others in their lives. You never know when a mother is feeling like throwing in the towel. Your support may give her the strength she needs to make it through the day.

To the Mamas out there, of all races, religions, sexual orientations, and political affiliations: You are doing a good job. I see you. I know how hard you are struggling to keep these little souls you created safe in a time when the world can feel like such a terrible place. I know how tired you are from taking on things you never thought you would have to, and how you're dying to get a break. I know you're feeling overwhelmed most of the time, and you just want the world to stop for five minutes so you could just get a little time for yourself. I know you feel like your losing your mind and falling apart at the seams. But you're here. The world is throwing every horrible thing in it's arsenal toward you, and you are still getting up and fighting every day to keep your little one safe. How amazing are you for doing that? You're still keeping things running at home, despite all of this. You are still telling your kiddos that you love them, even when so you are incredibly frustrated with them.

You are not super mom- but you are a Mama warrior. You're still here, still fighting to get through another day, and keep those babies safe. Even though you're scared, you have never stopped fighting for those babies of yours. Don't stop now. You can do this. You can get through another day. It might be a struggle, but you can get through it. You've gotten through everything else life has thrown at you, and you can get through this too. I know this isn't what you expected. This was not how motherhood was supposed to be- both in how the world is right now, and maybe in your own mind. This may not have been the experience you wanted, but it is what you were given, and you wouldn't be given it if you could not handle it. I know it will be hard to let go of how you thought this would be. But it will be even harder if you keep trying to make it that way instead of accepting what it is. You can rise to this challenge. You are strong enough to do this.

You are a great mother. You are a wonderful person. Do not forget this- just remember that, and let everything else that you're worried about go. Because in the end, that's all there is- the letting go.

Report FabulousDivaRarity · 354 views · #Motherhood #Mom-Shaming #Shame Culture #Letting Go #You Are Enough

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