Friendship is Card Games: My Little Pony: The Manga, Ch. 5 & 6 · 11:35am May 31st, 2020
And we return to sequential art with the next two chapters of the English manga, featuring Best Pony and some of the worst.
Chapter 5
You’d think the Apples would’ve learned a lesson about the problems with supply bottlenecks after “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000,” but as Applejack notoriously proclaimed at the time, she didn’t learn anything from that particular misadventure. And so the Zap Apple Jam Extraordinaire’s entire stock is provided by a single old woman with a bad hip.
“Between this and cider season, Sweet Apple Acres needs the revenue to keep operatin’!”
Uh, based on that wording, those apple festivals actually lose more money for the Apples than they make. And there’s the whole “Sweet Apple Acres is constantly on the verge of bankruptcy” thing that sets my teeth on edge.
I do love the Flimflams pulling up just as Applejack tempts fate… though this really does underscore who they could make so much more money just by marketing the horseless carriage.
Staying just outside the property line may not be strictly illegal, but there’s definitely an argument for it being immoral. Again, words mean things. Please be careful with them.
And there is the question of just how the Flimflams got all this exotic fruit and kept it fresh all the way to Ponyville.
Dang it, Pinkie, now is the not the time for innocent, childlike wonderment.
Heh. Spike is reflexively drawn to anxious unicorns at this point. There’s something in the flop sweat that acts as a Pavlovian cue for him to help.
I do love Granny Smith acting as a source of down-home wisdom, to say nothing of another example of Equestria’s pun-based ecology in the crab apples. Also, it is nice to see the Flimflams get scammed for once.
“Crustation-y” Look, I know spellcheck would’ve flagged that one, but next time, check it without the suffix.
There is something very wrong in seeing the brothers rear up to tiptoe away.
Talking may be a free action, AJ, but a half-hour of prep work definitely isn’t.
It feels very strange to see Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara acting this nastily towards one another. Rarity’s earlier chapter of the manga had a clearly marked Sweetie Belle. Mind you, no one said they had to take place in chronological order—indeed, not only is it unclear whether Bloom has her cutie mark here, it may well take place before Twilight’s ascendance—but it still feels off.
“Remember that our motto is ‘service with a smile.’’
“Since when?” “Since her father is our best customer! Now git!”
The Bearer of Honesty, everyone!
And Best Pony tuns the tables, much to the crab apple’s shock.
Huh. First off, that’s clearly a crab boil. Secondly, seafood is apparently an accepted dietary option for ponies. That’s never been clear.
Ah, and karma comes rushing towards the brothers as it so rarely seems to onscreen. Lovely stuff. (And there’s a jaw-clenching irony in those two relying on the kindness of strangers.)
Chapter 6
I think most ponies know your preference for rainbows, Dash.
“Who put a burr under that one’s saddle?”
I do love seeing ponies using horse-themed idioms. Though in this case, I’m not sure if that’s a common Equestrian saying or if Dash picked it up from Applejack.
… Yeah, accident prone pony plus market full of breakables isn’t going to mix well. 
Going by “Parental Glideance,” there was a time when Best Pony flew more skillfully than Dash. Though it’d take a lot of work to close the gap again.
I have to love the idea of Zecora running the rummage sale equivalent of the mysterious little shop that isn’t there the next morning.
Ooh, not only a monkey’s paw, but one with explicitly demonic origins… assuming Zecora didn’t use therm just for the sake of the rhyme. Still, it confirms that ponies have the cultural concept of demons (Sure, a zebra said it, but she used the local language.) And I’m sure the resemblance to Discord’s eagle claw is purely coincidental.
“I was about to wish to fly like Rainbow Dash.”
That doesn’t feel like it should count. I know it’s a malicious wish-granting artifact, but that’s just cheating.
Hmm. The claw could’ve just made Dash as disaster-prone as Ditzy. Somepony still getting some skill out of it is actually one of the more generous interpretations of the wish.
That said, it is impressive that this wish overrides Dash’s cutie mark… or, arguably, it corrupted her talent, making her wave of destruction even more horrific than Ditzy’s worst. The vendors should be grateful there haven’t been any ground-level Rainbooms.
Ah, the claw is gold. Definitely Discordant in origin.
Turns out the wish just inverted Best Pony’s luck. The question is, had the dragon’s foot been a generations-old Apple heirloom ten minutes ago?
And, of course, apology muffins to close things out.
Wonderful scene with some unexpected character interactions. I’d have loved to see this as an episode, but I suppose that would be asking for a bit much. Maybe if the show made it to three hundred episodes… though I have to admit that by that point, it would mostly consist of wood shavings from the bottom of the barrel.
Still, a lot of fun to be had. Let’s see what I can make from it all:
Used Charm 1W
Instant
Choose one —
• Destroy target enchantment.
• Return target artifact card from your graveyard to your hand.
• Exile target creature card from a graveyard. You gain life equal to that card’s power.
Apple Family Martyr 2W
Creature — Pony Cleric
All damage that would be dealt to you or another permanent you control is dealt to Apple Family Martyr instead.
W: Apple Family Martyr gets +0/+1 until end of turn.
The family is greater than any one mare.
1/4
System Breakdown 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant artifact
When System Breakdown enters the battlefield, tap enchanted artifact.
Enchanted artifact doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
It turned off. It wouldn’t turn back on.
Crab Apple Cast 2U
Creature — Crab
Protection from green
Whenever a land enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, if that player had another land enter the battlefield under their control this turn, return target nonland permanent that player controls to its owner’s hand.
2/2
Skill Swap 2U
Instant
Choose two target creatures. Until end of turn, each of those creatures loses all abilities, then gains all abilities the other lost this way.
“The destiny spell is not a toy.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Scurvy Bloodsucker 1B
Creature — Vampire Pirate
Lifelink
Scurvy Bloodsucker can’t block.
He’ll raid your ship’s hold once he’s finished with your veins.
3/1
Gleeful Spite 2BB
Instant
Destroy target creature. You gain 2 life.
On a plane as hazardous as Ungula, sometimes the simplest way to eliminate a rival is to wait for the next monster attack, then make popcorn.
Imperial Supplier 3B
Creature — Unicorn Rogue
When Imperial Supplier enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
As long as you’re the monarch, your opponents can’t gain life.
“Only the deserving can see this fruit, my lord, much less taste it.”
2/3
Wishclaw Demon 3BB
Creature — Demon
Flying, trample
At the beginning of each opponent’s upkeep, that player may search their library for a card, put it into their hand, then shuffle their library. If they do, put two +1/+1 counters on Wishclaw Demon and it gains protection from that player until the end of your next turn.
3/3
Curse of Clumsiness 1RR
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player activates an ability of a permanent that isn’t a mana ability, that player flips a coin. If they lose the flip, they sacrifice that permanent.
“Oops. Your bad.”
Clutter Catapult 2R
Artifact
R, T, Sacrifice an artifact: Clutter Catapult deals 2 damage to any target.
“Does this colossus spark joy?”
—Maintained Condo, personal organizer
Accidental Demolisher 3R
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying, trample
When Accidental Demolisher enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you sacrifice an artifact.
“Don’t worry! The vase broke my fall!”
3/3
Lucky Rabbit 1G
Creature — Rabbit
1G, Sacrifice Lucky Rabbit: Other creatures you control gain hexproof and indestructible until end of turn.
Luck is relative. What’s bad for one can be good for many others.
2/2
Exotic Greengrocer 2GG
Creature — Unicorn Druid
Whenever you tap a Forest for mana, add an additional W, U, B, or R.
Unicorns find druidic vows difficult to follow, especially when they have ideas about how to make the forest more interesting.
2/4
Orchard Cleanser 3GG
Creature — Pony Warrior
Whenever a blue or black creature deals combat damage to you, you may have Orchard Cleanser fight that creature.
Pests are most easily spotted after they’ve already harmed the crops.
5/5
Blood Orange 1
Artifact — Food
1B, T, Sacrifice Blood Orange: Each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life.
2, T, Sacrifice Blood Orange: You gain 3 life.
”Yes, we like them. Chiroptera like all fruit. You’re not funny.”
—Fantasia, Dreamguard captain
Steaming Dragonfruit 1
Artifact — Food
1R, T, Sacrifice Steaming Dragonfruit: Steaming Dragonfruit deals 2 damage to target creature.
2, T, Sacrifice Steaming Dragonfruit: You gain 3 life.
The world’s most indelicate delicacy.
Convenient Heirloom 3
Artifact
You may have Convenient Heirloom enter the battlefield as a copy of any artifact card in your graveyard.
“Our storage facilities have nothing on the average Apple attic.”
—Top Stallion, position classified
Ditzy, Bane of Keepsakes 1RW
Legendary Planeswalker — Ditzy
Protection from artifacts and from enchantments
+1: Any number of target players each sacrifice an artifact or enchantment.
-6: Ditzy deals damage to target player equal to the number of artifact and enchantment cards in all graveyards. You gain that much life.
2
Vengeful Mob 2(rw)(rw)
Creature — Pony Citizen
Vengeful Mob enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the damage dealt to you since your last turn ended.
Ponies are a forgiving people, but they have their limits.
0/0
Wave of Disaster 3BRG
Sorcery
Destroy any number of target permanents with different converted mana costs.
Rainbow Dash’s lack of restraint and Ditzy Doo’s lack of coordination make for a terrifying combination.
At this point, I'd say that the FlimFlams have got past business rivalry and entered the realm of stalking. Like, seriously, it sounds like they've got the Apple family's house bugged or something.
I do kinda understand where Derpy was coming from with her wish.
In the old mana burn days, this'd be a risky card to use.
That would have driven me up the wall in a lot of my old decks.
I could see D,BK being a very annoying card to play against if you're running an artifact deck. I don't know if that's a viable strat anymore though.
My spellcheck treats hyphens as spaces. It also doesn't realize what that word is supposed to be, though, so they're only partial idiots here.
To be fair, they're already standing on their toenails by default. Keeping whole limbs off the ground is the only way to reduce their surface area any further.
Inside Baseball Alert: "Charm" is magic parlance for a card that offers a choice between three different minor or situational effects. WotC has made several jokes using this fact.
(Lack of) Inside Baseball Alert: I have never seen the word "sedge" outside the name of a Magic card, but Crab Apple Sedge has no mechanical similarities to either of the relevant cards. Upon a quick Google search, it doesn't look like FoME is even using the word correctly, so I'm calling in a Protection From Editors Alert on this.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: There are lots of ways to fix a System Breakdown, but some of my favorites include hooking it up to a new power supply and turning it off and on again.
Inside Baseball Alert: In addition to Ungula, Wishclaw Demons can also be found in Eldraine. Or at least that's FoME's story and he's sticking to it.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: I would not recommend actually putting a Colossus into the Clutter Catapult. The catapult itself is the one doing damage, that damage has no regard for what the ammunition actually is, and you won't even get anything in the graveyard to further shenanigans later.
5272439
There will always be ramp that uses "only makes colorless mana" as a balancing factor, so there will always be artifact decks. Especially in non-rotating formats where you still have Urzatron to worry about. That said, Karn Liberated and various giant Eldrazi ensure that she's little more than a speedbump for them.
5272439
In addition to Herald's notes, two out of the last three sets have had enchantment themes of varying intensity. There are a lot of potent enchantments in Standard right now, and a few notable artifacts as well. In terms of flavor, the funniest may be Thassa, Deep-Dwelling. The last thing Rule 63 Poseidon may see is a little pegasus streaking towards her like a feathered meteor.
5272460
Crustacean. Like cetacean, but crustier.
Also, sedge is... actually not a collective noun for crabs, because I misread the table I used. That's actually a term for a group of cranes. The card's been renamed appropriately.
5272495
Oh, I knew what they were misspelling, but my spellcheck didn't and I didn't feel like looking it up. Since I'm not a professional publication... actually, professional publications can also avoid using words they don't know how to spell correctly. That's an acceptable form of laziness for them, because nobody will ever know.
I'm not sure I like your Ditzy design. So many artifacts and enchantments only have global static abilities that her own static ability seems a tad useless. I'd have gone for something like this:
Ditzy, Bane of Keepsakes 2RW
Legendary Planeswalker — Ditzy
All artifacts and enchantments have Cumulative Upkeep {1}.
+1: Remove a counter from any number of permanents and put that many loyalty counters on Ditzy.
-X: Ditzy deals X damage to target creature times the number of artifacts and enchantments its controller controls. You gain X life.
3
The idea is that everybody has to work to keep their stuff safe, and she'll try and stop herself too sometimes, only for her to eventually either break everything anyway or crush ponies with their own tower of possessions. You can also run her in decks dedicated to removing detrimental counters from your own cards.
Yay, I thought you'd enjoy this chapter ;)
Also yay at Skill Swap. Delightful trick that'll sometimes play havoc with combat ("I'll have that first strike and lifelink, thanks, and you're welcome to my flying now I've blocked you") and occasionally kill a Tarmogoyf.
Wishclaw Demon seems miscosted. At best it's a 3/3 flampler for 5. Since the opponent can choose to only make it better than that if they judge it's worth it (like if they're digging up a Wrath).
Is there a whole Spellbomb Fruit cycle in the making, expanding out from Blood Orange and Steamed Dragonfruit?
And Ditzy's protection is basically trinket text but it doesn't matter because there's a lot of stuff for her to make people sacrifice. I also want to put her in my poor ill-fated Retributive Wand deck that never quite worked.
5273171
Sure, if you only have one opponent. That's much more of an "if" than it used to be, though, and whole decks have been built around abusing effects like this to make sure that big swings are headed in every direction except yours. But I'm pretty sure we aren't here to talk Politics. >_>
I thought Ditzy didn't like using red mana.
5273402
Mm. If you're literally talking about multiplayer politics, making deals with opponent A that they'll get a card that helps them beat opponent B but not you, then okay.
Apart from that, game theoretically, a card that gives the opponent/s choices is no better than the worst choice they can give you. Assuming they recognise you as a threat, the best you can hope for is that opponents will make the choice that's strategically suboptimal for them.
And given the power level of the designed-for-multiplayer cards we see in the Commander decks, are you really saying you'd expect this card to be printed as a 3/3 for 5 in one of those?
5273864
It's a crazy time, and I have no idea what to expect anymore. That said, it is admittedly a bit undertuned, if better than it looks.