Friendship is Card Games: The Spider House Pools & Marble Trials · 11:57am Mar 29th, 2020
And we’re back to the comics, just in time for two tales of earth pony siblings. Let’s see what family matters will blossom in these full houses.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
The Spider House Pools
I don’t like the hyphen in “fly-der.” It draws too much attention to the pun. Part of why I don’t use it.
“… I wonder if it came from Tartarus?”
Uh, that’s a leap. I know the Everfree’s been thoroughly defanged at this point (and the Apples would’ve heard of an Everfree flyder by now,) but going straight from the local hellwood to Pony Hell seems like quite the assumption. Also really isn’t helping Tartarus’s reputation, unless this thing’s been laying low even longer than the bugbear.
… 
Okay, AJ? Walk me through the plan here. Yeah, if the web were sagging or otherwise at all visibly reacting to Apple Bloom’s weight, maybe you could’ve tried snapping it. As is, you basically leapt down a pit trap to help dig Apple Bloom out.
Huh. Well, that’s one way to set up a similar situation to “Where the Apple Lies.”
I do appreciate the phonetic accent on the time marker.
Ah, the innocence and stupidity of youth. I’m less inclined to frown on young Applejack’s logic. She was a kid. Yes, it was horribly dangerous, but good judgement is clearly something this family has to learn over time. (For those wondering how merponies are distinct from seaponies, it’s largely a question of body structure. Merponies are basically the Saddle Arabians of the ocean. And they… probably aren’t hippogriffs.)
That said, perfectly reasonable cause for hydrophobia.
The size of both the swimming hole and the population of Sweet Apple Acres seem much larger than what we see in the present. Was there a reunion that summer or what?
Alternatively, given how it was Granny who sent Mac to track down Applejack after she fell in the well, maybe they’ve come in to pick up the slack after Bright and Buttercup passed on…
Also, apparently nopony told any of Applejack’s family about the whole well incident? She’s still a blank flank; this should be taking place before “Where the Apple Lies.” By all rights Mac should be volunteering the information at the slightest provocation.
That said, while he may not be as talkative as he probably should be right now, but it’s still good advice. The distinction between the absence of fear and the ability to overcome it is a valuable lesson indeed.
So… was there an explorer named Pony Polo who first made contact with the kirin or what?
Ah. A wolf flyder. Because the things weren’t bad enough, let’s add one more species. Seaquestria may or may not be the home of what will become Equestria’s Simic Combine.
Yeah, AJ, “relax your muscles” isn’t good advice for a prey species with a predator bearing down on her. Though the shout was impressive.
Applejack does tend to avoid what concerns her, and goodness knows she can lash out at those offering what she sees as unneeded help. Good character work… though seriously, did nopony else tell her family what had happened to her? Big Mac had ample opportunity here and now.
However, she’s still a hero. And that means tha the biggest share of her fear is for others, and it drives her to protect them. Very good character work.
Okay, seriously, the Apple Family swimming hole should not be big enough to form freaking tsunamis.
Ah, one of those narratively sensitive storms that only crop up when a character needs to face their own limitations. always watch your local atmospheric narrativium levels, everyone. This can be just as bad as the freak blizzards that snow in shipped couples.
Well, it is a wolf flyder. Makes sense that it’s intelligent enough to negotiate with. And judging by its eagerness to return to Tartarus, it’s not a prisoner. It’s a native. This raises some intriguing questions about the ecosystem there.
Good lesson, nice bit of tension, and a fascinating monster. What’s not to like? (Well, if you’re arachnophobic…)
Marble Trials
Huh. Looks like throwing parties for inanimate objects runs in the family.
Pinkie, trust your sister. You may be the engineer, but she’s the neutral party. And I trust Boulder’s grasp on the limits of the materials involved.
I’m not usually one to draw attention to hindquarters, but I can’t help but notice Pinkie's tail growing out of her left butt cheek. Spines do not work that way.
Also, Marble speaks! Intelligibly! This must be serious.
Maud Sense detects imminent group hugs. I imagine with Pinkie as a sister, that particular signal would come up very often indeed.
Marble is the most exciting pony Pinkie knows? I mean, maybe most excitable but…
Oh, right, one of Pinkie’s sisters. Her blind spot for them is as big as Twilight’s for Princess Celestia, and for largely similar reasons.
How did Marble get two hundred RSVPs!? I know she has moe waifu levels that makes Coco Pommel look like the average Manhattanite, but I’m suprised she even knows two hundred people… unless the cover was actually a hint and most of them are rocks.
I can’t help but think that Marble’s ocular gushers are actually happening. She is Pinkie’s twin. i wouldn’t be surprised if she had some degree of untapped party pony puissance.
Speaking of Pinkie’s sororal blind spot… Yeah, Maud planning a party doesn’t seem like it’d end well. Though, again, twins. Where was Marble during that fifth birthday party? (Or she just doesn’t remember it… though that still leads into the question of Pinkie effectively inventing parties when she got her cutie mark, but then we run into Maud’s nature as a living retcon on par with Shining Armor.)
Ah. No, somehow Marble got in hundreds of carbon-based organisms to RSVP. Dang, girl can network.
Ooh, two-page pseudospread. At the very least, two-page panel collection. Interesting choice.
“Boulder, it’s time to do what we do best: Construct an actionable hypothesis based on provided evidence and knowledge of the source.”
In other words, Maud and Boulder are going to science the crap out of that shopping list. And the shades on Boulder are a very nice touch.
Wow. I’ve never seen Maud actually look tired before. Or, you know, at all disheveled. Really goes to show just how much effort she’s putting into this.
I’m with Mrs. Cake. Pinkie did not think through the logistics of delivering that towering pillar of cake.
Maud’s a college graduate. You’d think she’d be more used to all-nighters.
Oh no. Oh no. Boulder, what have you done?
Maud’s mane poofing out feels extraneous, but I can appreciate the spirit behind it. And I do appreciate how even Limestone doesn’t dare question her in this state. Especially impressive when you consider that they decorated Holder’s Boulder.
Lovely stuff with the Pie Sisters. It is a shame Pencil wasn’t able to do this one due to shenanigans with other artists, but it’s still a very fun issue with some great Maud moments. Still wondering just what Marble did to get so many RSVPs, though.
Delightful stuff in both cases; a good balance of family togetherness, valuable life lessons, and surreal examples of Equestrian wildlife (by which I mean the Pie sisters as much as the wolf flyder.) Let’s see what I can do with this:
Fall Down the Well 2W
Instant
Put target attacking creature on the bottom of its owner’s library.
Winona’s ears perked up. Generations of racial memory called her to her appointed purpose.
Dismissive Shout 2U
Instant
Return target spell or nonland permanent to its owner’s hand.
Disoriented as they are by the bright surface world, manyTartarus escapees really are more afraid of you than you are of them.
Data Recovery 2UU
Sorcery
Shuffle your graveyard into your library.
Draw a card.
“I’m used to figuring out geological strata. Working with actual words is foal’s play.”
—Maud Pie, Ro.D.
Hydrophobia 3UU
Enchantment
Blue creatures can’t be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or blue creatures.
“After some of the things I’ve seen, I’m glad Ponyville’s in the middle of the continent.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Mineral Collector XUU
Creature — Pony Artificer
When Mineral Collector enters the battlefield, you may have artifacts you control become X/X artifact creatures until end of turn.
“How thoughtful. You brought my friends.”
2/2
Succumb to Fear 1B
Instant
Cast this spell only if one or more creatures are attacking and after blockers are declared.
Destroy target nonblocking creature blocking player controls.
The bold face the light of justice. The cowardly punish themselves.
Fearful Figure 2B
Creature — Pony Warrior
Renown 2 (When this creature deals combat damage to a player, if it isn’t renowned, put two +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes renowned.)
Fearful Figure has menace as long as it’s renowned. Otherwise, it can’t block.
3/2
Smeared Orders R
Instant
Cast this spell only before attackers are declared.
You choose whether and who target creature attacks this turn.
“Instructions unclear; raided birthday party.”
—Lieutenant Steely Resolve, after-action report
Sprinting Roadrunner 1R
Creature — Bird
Sprinting Roadrunner has haste as long as you control a Desert or there is a Desert card in your graveyard.
The San Palomino is just so much dust for predators to eat.
3/1
Unstable Pastry Pillar 1R
Enchantment — Cake
When a creature enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, sacrifice Unstable Pastry Pillar. If you do, it deals 4 damage to that creature.
“‘Death by chocolate’ is supposed to be a metaphor.”
—Cup Cake, to Pinkie Pie
Devastating Rockfall 3RR
Sorcery
Choose two —
• Devastating Rockfall deals 4 damage to target creature or planeswalker.
• Destroy up to two target artifacts.
• Up to three target creatures can’t block.
Rash Outburst 4R
Sorcery
Target creature an opponent controls deals damage equal to its power to each other creature that player controls.
When it comes to Applejack’s temper, helping doesn’t help.
Silken Snare G
Sorcery
As long as you control a creature with reach, you may cast Silken Snare as though it had flash.
Destroy target creature with flying.
Some bird-eating spiders specialize in rocs.
Orchard Web 1G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant land
When Orchard Web enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Enchanted land has “T: Target creature loses flying until end of turn.”
Applejack gave Rainbow Dash funny looks for weeks after the wolf flyder incident.
Scaled Sous-Chef 1G
Creature — Crocodile
Artifact and enchantment spells you cast can’t be countered.
When asked how much flour is required, Pinkie Pie always answers “more.”
2/2
Wolf Flyder 2G
Creature — Wolf Spider Insect
Reach
3G: Adapt 2. (If this creature has no +1/+1 counters on it, put two +1/+1 counters on it.)
The only thing more horrific than Tartarus’s inmates are the native species.
2/3
Kindred Solidarity 2GG
Sorcery
Choose a creature type. Creatures you control of the chosen type get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.
“Nothing’s stronger than friends and family working together.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Refractive Crystal 3
Artifact
1, T: Add two mana of different colors.
“When considering the useful properties of minerals, one should never forget that their beauty can top the list.”
—Maud Pie, Ro. D
Party Planning WU
Instant
You gain 2 life. Scry X, where X is the amount of life you’ve gained this turn.
Pinkie took the rock farm’s lessons of patience and forethought to heart, easily applying them to her personal passion.
Pastry Physicist GUR
Creature — Pony Scientist
Whenever Pastry Physicist deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.
Whenever you draw your second card each turn, create a Food token. (It’s a colorless artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
3/3
Deepchannel Merpony 1UB
Creature — Horse Merfolk
Deepchannel Merpony can’t be blocked.
Whenever Deepchannel Merpony deals combat damage to a player, look at the top card of each library. You may put those cards into their owners’ graveyards.
“You found me, drytrotter. Now what?”
2/1
Channel the Pink 1BR
Sorcery
Exile all cards from your hand. Channel the Pink deals that much damage to each player. You may play cards exiled this way this turn. Draw that many cards at the beginning of the next end step.
“Better Maud than me.”
—Limestone Pie
don't forget, the comic issue with Maud and Rarity where it showed in Maud's diary despite being outwardly stoic Maud does feel, so it's possible Pinkie really is just more entuned with her sisters than any other pony
Inside Baseball Alert: Full House, Family Matters, and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air are all sitcoms. Fall Down the Well's flavor text is referencing a Lassie-based cliche that may or may not have ever been used by Lassie, I've never watched it so I don't know. Sprinting Roadrunner is the Looney Tunes character. (I think this is the first time I've done one of these for something other than MtG)
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: If several creatures enter the battlefield under your opponent's control simultaneously, you choose the order of the triggers on the stack and, by extension, who the cake falls on. It doesn't fall on the others because you can only sacrifice it once.
Protection From Editors Alert: Having a Food creator in the same batch as your invented-by-you-before-those-were-a-thing Cake subtype draws attention to the inconsistency. Just saying, and not bolding it because it's another minor gripe.
In most circumstances.
This wolf flyder was surprisingly chill for a carnivore though.
I blame being raised on a secluded rock farm.
I imagine she basically sent out invites to as many as she could find in a phonebook. And it turns out that more than intended had free time.
Party Planning is fun, but I really want to make a stupid deck around cloning Retributive Wands and Ichor Wellsprings, then dropping Mineral Collector for 0 or Dead Bontu or something.
Channel The Pink might be a bit spicy, but is also quite nice.
I need to see Boulder with shades. Never before have I ever wanted or desired to see a pet rock in shades before. This has to be some sort of milestone for me
Either that or the cabin fever is finally kicking in 
5230981
Which is just following in MtG's own shoes, really. The Time block set introduced cards affecting creature types several sets before those types were published. Not to mention cards affecting planeswalkers three sets before there was such a card type.