Hurdles of Art and Mind · 2:05am Mar 6th, 2020
(Art by me).
I am not writing this from a happy place. I'm sure I am not alone in this, but I sometimes feel terrible in the art I make. Not so much my writing as of late, that has been coming out alright. What I mean to say, is despite so many hours, I can't seem to get any progress done on drawing/painting.
(More of my unfinished work).
It's my day off, after nine straight work days in a row. I should be relaxing, but instead I am fighting off rest to work more, because I just want to get somewhere with what I do. I see so many great artists, admire a grand amount, and I learn from them. But, the more I work, the more I see the gap, and the more frustrating it all gets.
I honestly don't like my art style. I think I might just try and change it to something I enjoy more.
I know, the reasonable part of me urges me to be patient, and I have lots to spare. I feel like all I really have going for me is patience and the discipline to keep pushing forward. I don't want to be so bent out of shape about this, I want to be positive, something I strive for all the time, but I can't help but feel like I'm bashing myself against a wall that's not meant for me.
Which, is another thing I need to get off my chest. I really don't feel like I'm that good of a writer, artist, creator, ect... I am eternally grateful for everyone who supports me and what I do, the kind words help fuel my passions, but there is a part of me that just feels like I'm not truly worthy of it all. It's kinda like I am wearing the skin of an author/artist, but under it all is just me, and I'm not actually these things that I appear to me. It's strange, I know, but I just feel really bad about it all.
Though, I don't want to be a bummer, so I won't let this blog drag on. I just wanted to vent for just a moment, and if any are kind enough to lend me advice on the matter, I'd be super thankful. More so than I already am.
With love.
~ Not Enough Coffee
I used to actually work at drawing more, now I rarely do it. I don't bother to attempt a balance between the two or take my plans to both pencil and keyboard. When I did, I would always go to whatever flowed the most, though. It sounds like maybe you should work on a different form of art if one is flowing steadily and the other not at all, and to the point where you want a major style change. They can be good forms of breaks that trick you into a way of productive relaxation.
Bro, you kidding? You're one of the better, if not one of the best, writers/artists I've seen on this site! I mean, there's gotta be a reason they put your work up there in the feature box. Not everybody can hit the said little box.
As for your art style, I like it to be honest, but if you are not content with it then go ahead and change it. After all, this site is meant to be a little source of happiness, not stress and frustration. This is a place where you do what you want to do, and I will support it (as long it's nothing too crazy
).
To relate, I've felt this way more than once with my writing. More times than I can count I wondered if the quality of my story was as good as I wanted. But then I found people who supported my writing. That restarted the drive in me to keep writing. After all, who was I to back down when people liked my story? The thing is we'll stick with you no matter what hardships you endure. We're in one community, after all, and members of the same community stick together.
Wish you luck in your future endeavors. Btw, is that Celly up in the top image? Love that drawing.
Creating art is a lot like trying to force yourself to go to sleep, the harder you try the harder it is to fall asleep, yet sleep never comes until you relax and just let it happen.
Art is fuelled by inspiration not determination. When art becomes work it ceases to be art.
what even is art? Is it a masterpiece that you can sell to the highest bidder, or maybe a silly doodle on a paper napkin that makes you happy or sad or whatever.
Don't burn yourself out, if "art" is the fruit of your labor don't forget to replant the seeds of inspiration.
Art isn't going anywhere, it'll still be there tomorrow waiting for both you and me. But first we must rekindle the flame of creativity.
But hey, what do I know? I'm just some random guy on the internet.
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Sorry for the late reply, I got called in for my tenth work day. You guys are speaking wisdom. I am taking this art as a job right now and forcing something that shouldn't be forced. I am just tired and need rest, but right now these kind words and advice are making me feel really good on this solemn day. Ty kindly.
Also, to Sunlight, I don't consider myself one of the better writers/artists, but I really appreciate the compliment.
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No problem! Also, don't sell yourself short, your work is amazing. I love it to bits!
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As someone who wants to make more art (writing, and other things), you're very right. I've tried just sitting down, opening a story in progress, and concentrating on it to no avail for a time. It seems the more I try to sit down and press myself to do something, the more I end up hating doing it (and thus not getting much done). The times where I've gotten the most done are when I have a random thought and essentially vomit ideas down onto paper.
Anyway, coming back to your blog post, Not Enough Coffee. When you say that you're feeling "not that good of a writer", people often talk about that being something called Imposter Syndrome. I see it happen quite a bit to people who get success in whatever subcommunity they are a part of. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome
Regarding your drawing, I don't have much advice on that other than perhaps trying something different. Varying up art style isn't a bad thing, and I've seen other artists do it to great success. Even if it doesn't lead to much success, it can help sharpen your skills and see art creation from a different angle.
Lastly...this is a thought that may come off as dickish over the internet, because I can't convey a jovial and reassuring tone through typed words alone. I promise you that I'm trying to be reassuring. But regarding you worrying not being a good writer: who cares if your work is "worthy" or even if it's "good"? If this is shit writing, then I want more of that shit, give me more of that shit. Of course, it's always good to strive to improve your skill whenever possible, but that will come with time and constructive criticism.
Point is, if you are enjoying the work you put out and gain even the smallest level of joy from it, then you're a writer. That's pretty much all there is to it.
I apologize if I come off as an asshole in this post. I'm trying to express a complicated thought while addressing the concerns you raised in this blog, and if I'm being a dick then feel free to yell at me and downvote too.
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You for sure didn't come off dickish. A nice kick in the ass is usually what I need. I work retail, my skin is thick.
But, yeah, I am pretty sure I am going through a mean case of the imposter syndrom. But, my mind is split between emotion and rational, so I get jumbled fits. Perhaps the stress of work is getting to me?
But anyway, those words help a lot, and I will strive to keep pushing out shit, my friend.
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Good man. If I may be honest, seeing you both post the stories you post as well as be open about your struggles with maintaining a work life and personal life are very inspiring to me. I very much want to put out horse stories that I've had kicking around in my head, and it's guys like you that show me that doing so is possible even with a full life schedule. Keep it up bro.
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You too. I believe you got this. If I can do it with my struggles, you can too.
Godspeed.
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It helps if you write a lot to space out your posting too; buffers aid recharge.
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Yeah. The plan is to write a longer fic. I won't publish till finished, but it will be something to buffer out the intense sessions I did these past several days.
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Thanks for the advice and feedback, bud. I am actually taking a step back right now and reading some horse words to find my mojo atm.
That, and looking around the web's for vids and stuff on what I want to learn. In the words of The Elder Scroll's Oblivion "I am resting and meditating on what I've learned."