Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #26: [The Strange and Mystical Journey Through Celestia's Nostrils]! · 5:20am Oct 30th, 2019
...
hecc.
I'm not even gonna try to figure out what was going through my head when I wrote this. 
It wasn't Daring Do's fault that she had been shrunk and stuffed up Celestia's sniffer. It wasn't even remotely close to what she had in mind when she said that she wanted to explore where the sun never shone. She had been talking about the land of Celestine Naustaralis, not the Sun Princess' bucking nostrils!
...ok.
What? The mare thought, reminding herself that this was Celestia's nostrils, for Faust's sake. There shouldn't be leaves here.
Though, she already knew exactly what the semi-transparent viscous liquid that she stood in was. Obviously, it was snot the magical water of which nopony knows the name of.
Congrats.
Daring Do continued on her way and saw a big hill decorated with candy canes and there was this crazy turtle guy wearing three top hats while tap dancing on top of the candy cane hill because he was feeling bored that day and decided that tap dancing was the best way to not be bored and--
OKAY, FREAKIN' STOP.
Okay...
Now, translating what Pinkie here said...
The adventurer found herself at the base of what appeared to be a rather large hill, of which was speckled with candy canes. A strange bipedal tortoise wearing three hats of the top variety tapped away at the top of a lone candy stick, it's booted feet clicking every so often as it did so. The reason? That tortoise felt bored, and the only logical escape from said boredom, according to the tortoise, was tap-dancing.
Hey, it was a turtle!
I have no idea what's going on in this story and that's not in a good way this time around.
Pinkie creepily leaned in closely, breathing over Daring Do's shoulder.
"Don't ask," she whispered, "and you'll save your sanity."
Save your own and don't read this story.
"WHO DARES TO ENTER MY TERRITORY?!" the king/emperor goat hollered, "I AM KING SOMBRERO, THE LORD OF ALL TACOS! BOW BEFORE ME, OR YOU SHALL LOSE YOUR TACO TUESDAY PRIVILEGES!"
Daring Do wrinkled her muzzle. "Okay," she spat back, "first off, if you're the so-called 'lord of tacos', then why do you have ramen vision, and why does your breath smell like gummy worms?"
"And why does your face look like week-old hummus?" continued Pinkie.
"OH NOES, NOT THE HORRIBLE HUMMUS INSULT, MY ONLY WEAKNESS!" King Sombrero wailed, before reducing into nothing but Grogar, the goat demon. Of whom definitely wasn't currently working the job as the main character in Goat Simulator.
My little brother used to be absolutely addicted to that game.
Suddenly, a large gorilla lunged at the two, grabbing them midair. Said gorilla smiled politely as it set the two mares down after dragging them to safety. A loud bang momentarily filled their collective ears, and the gorilla gasped in shock before collapsing.
Pinkie gasped as well, before sobbing "NOT HARAMBE!" as she buried her face into the gorilla's unmoving body. A strong gust of wind carried away the scenery, of which disintegrated into a fine dust as it was carried off.
You know what comes next.
A flying sky-squid with a flaming anvil stuffed in a mailbox was rapidly approaching the two mares on its nuclear missile that it had stolen from North Korea. Though, in reality, the missile was actually composed of a cardboard box filled with Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones.
*explosion noises*
"Since all this was already inside Celestia, do you think this is actually her brain?"
Pinkie and Daring stared at Celestia, then back at the Orb. Celestia, as the logical and wise portion of her mind was gone, was now in complete control by the Orb of Eternal Knowledge, which was in really, the Orb of Ultimate Trolling.
A crazed grin emerged on Celestia's face as her pupils began to dilate.
"Crap." Was all that Pinkie and Daring could collectively muster up.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
¯\_(ツ)_/¯