Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #9: [A FILLY Big Problem]! · 7:20am Oct 8th, 2019
O hecc. I wrote an age-regression comedy?
Geez, I wasn't good at self-editing at all back then. Seems like I was also the type of author who made up excuses for why they didn't fix the problems or improve all that much, either.
"YOU!" she yelled, "TWILIGHT, YOU... YOU MISTAKE...ER, LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY SISTER!"
*snerk*
Twilight hoofed the ground. "Oopsies?" was all she could muster up. Her head hung low, though under all that, Luna could tell that she seemed to be enjoying what she was seeing behind her.
Y'know, looking back at the (one!) writing style I had for all of my stories, the way I tried to pull off comedy back then versus how I do it now with my split-style approach really makes for a bit of a surreal read. Like, the level of detail in these two sentences is something I now reserve for my serious stories.
Are you affiliated with the one known as Discord?
She's not, but I probably am. idk.
She was immediately cut off by a tiny white hoof, which was attached to the tiny white alicorn hovering beside her. "SHHH!" whispered Celestia, "The cake monster is nearby!"
Twilight swat the hoof from her mouth. "And you... you taste like cake too, Celestia."
Celestia waved both of her front hooves in a sweet little show of adorable pride. "I know," she said happily, "I was helping in the kitchen earlier!"
D'aww.
Celestia sat on her haunches and pouted. "Aww, you're no fun, Lulu," she said, "all you like to do all day is sit in front of the big glowy flat thingy and press buttons on that board thingy while shouting mean things at ponies inside the flat thingy."
Luna groaned. "Tia," she began, "for your information, that 'big glowy flat thingy' is my TV, and the 'board thingy' is the controller for my game console. Those ponies inside the 'flat thingy' are just characters in the game I was playing."
xXx_G@M3RLUN4206969_xXx LIEKS DEM VIDYA GAEMS.
Second chapter is just cake monster murdering.
She was still Sunny Skies, and as long as she was there, she still brought light to their hearts. Literally.
Muh hart... it gLoWS.
Immediately, Sunny Skies burst into an amazing light show, first starting with an aura that seemed eerily as if it came from a horn, and then escalating rapidly to a full-scale laser party, momentarily blinding everyone in the car.
Mah eyes... they BURN.
Celestia's eyes lit up. "Yes! Yes all day! I'd LOVE to play with your daughter!"
( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )
She charged her horn, and sent a devastating blast hurtling straight into the ground, unveiling all sorts of various treasures, ranging from ancient fossils, to the buried treasure of a long-forgotten pirate who apparently loved land sharks.
Pirates love land sharks.
Twilight teleported in front of the Celestial Filly, and smacked her cheek with the side of her hoof. "WHat iF a crazy Mare CaME in HERe And SLapPed YoU? OH WaIT..." She leaned in closely, allowing her breath to roll across Celestia's face. "I'm tHE cRaZy mARE!"
Celestia, now fully awake, blinked. "Wut?"
You don't need all that heckin' description. Just say "Wut?" and leave it at that!
I barely have any time at all, so I just rattled this out in about ten minutes between getting home and a school project for my finals.
Ha. Ten minutes for this?
Next chapter is just boom.
Chapter after that is just assorted confusion.
Celestia held a fork in her grasp, repeatedly stabbing the road with it.
I'm sure this'll be used for a pun later.
"You see, the spell I had accidentally hit Celestia with was an experimental spell meant to modify the dimension of Time, therefore splitting us into a branching universe based on the outcome of a variable decision-making spell that goes along with the one that hit Celestia."
Of course I had to force some unnecessary sci-fi into a comedy.
"It's time for your sister to pick her path. We've come to the fork in the road."
Bingo!
"What's it made of?" Twilight asked inquisitively.
"It's a diluted mixture of mind bleach and chaos magic!"
Mm. delicious.
Suddenly, Luna became aware of her surroundings, as well as her now-"normal" sister.
"Oh, hey Tia."
That is not how you do punchlines.
Anyway, that's it for this story! See ya next time. 
