Quick update · 3:13am Jul 31st, 2019
Yes, I'm still writing. I got a good start on the next chapter for Harem Noses, then hated what I wrote (it didn't flow very well), so now I have a new section going. I'll share some of it here as proof that I'm actually doing something, plus this way I can see if I need to go back to the old words I had.
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She [Captain Daisy Chain] then shook herself back into the present with a snort. “Bah, enough of that. You’re to report back here at nineteen hundred hours to meet with Princess Celestia. She’ll discuss her expectations, and you’ll be able to ask her any questions at that time as well.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. You’re dismissed.”
Shining stood, saluted, and moved to leave.
“Oh, and Lieutenant?” Captain Daisy Chain called out while looking over the first page of her stack. “This should go without saying, but you will be responsible for the new prince, too. It would be a shame if your personal feelings were to somehow [redacted].”
Shining shook his head. “It won’t be, ma’am. My private feelings will remain as such during his time here.”
“Even though he stole your marefriend?” Daisy asked. “Envy and Vengeance are terrible bedmates, Lieutenant. It’s not very hard to imagine that you would want something… unfortunate to happen. It would allow you to reclaim what is rightfully yours, after all.”
Daisy’s eyes then flicked up to meet his, and the hard glint that they held knocked him off balance for a moment. “No, ma’am. I can see why that is a concern, but I am a Royal Guard. My allegiance has, and will forevermore, be to the Princess and the Kingdom of Equestria. If Prince Bean is to remain, then he will receive the same treatment that I would give to Celestia herself.”
“Princesses,” Daisy corrected. “With Luna’s return, the Kingdom of Equestria is a diarchy once more, and I hope you treat it as such.”
“Of course, ma’am. Like everypony else, I am still adjusting to using the plural, but Princess Luna will be given the same veneration and devotion that Princess Celestia has always enjoyed.”
“Very well. Just remember that you will be watched closely, and it will be quite disappointing if you should not live up to your carefully cultivated reputation. That is all.”
I like how this dialogue flows so far. It feels a lot more natural.
5096899
Good. That's what I'm after.
Now I just need to keep it going.
Only issue I can see is that, technically speaking, Princess would be plural even before Luna’s return because of Cadance.
Other than that though, it’s looking good.
5096909
Ah, good point. I shall fix that.
The flow of the dialogue and the writing of it seems perfectly good to me.
Though I gotta admit it seems really cruel of the princesses to make Shining be the one to serve Bean personally since he's the only pony in canterlot with a reason to hate him. Seems a bit like torture to force the cuckold to constantly have to confront and obey the guy who stole his girlfriend with ease.
Still I assume there is context missing that explains it in the wider chapter so I'm curious to see what happens, though I was earnestly expecting Shining's banishment and reassignment away from Canterlot, for his own good, particularly in light of how protective Luna, Celestia and Cadance are of Bean.
5098057
You bring up some good points. The wider context of the chapter will clarify that Shining is not Bean's specific guard, but that he does have an obligation to guard Bean, like every other guard needs to.
As for banishing Shining, well...
5098077
Ah, yeah, that would most definitely explain it! Still, yowch, that's going to be a rough job for him now, waking up every day to face and serve the man who stole your lover, not to mention his two other beautiful wives as well, certainly not something I envy Shining having to do!
Personally I feel banishment is best for him. I can't imagine Celestia, Cadance and Luna will be too comfortable with Shining around their husband but, more than that, it's probably best for Shining Armor at this point I'd feel. He has nothing really left in Canterlot to live or strive for, finding somewhere new to try to start over is probably better for him than having to face the pain of everything he lost every day for the rest of his life.
Still you've surprised me before so I will wait with anticipation for what comes next!