Tired, and Behind the Keyboard · 5:03am Jun 14th, 2019
I type these words with my eyes closed. That was not meant to be a boast, but rather, that the coffee I am sipping is not working as advertised. Twice, the steaming, simmering, and oddly sweet liquid has poured down my head.
It burns me. But it doesn't quite wake me.
There isn't much of a point to this blog, other than to prove to myself that I still possess the ability to write. That if I shut my mind down and allowed my fingers to type ever quicker, that they invented words and string them into passages bearing some coherence to the reader unfortunately set upon them.
I bear a philosophy on writing that has helped me, no matter the place, time, or mental state to write. And it is this: You can always write. Everything else is an excuse. Irrelevant. One may not always be able to write well—but one can always write.
It is with this philosophy in mind that I have written everywhere. Yes. Everywhere. Some stories were written during 24-Hour streams. Others on my phone while I was messing about at work. A few were written deep within a forest, on a shitty and small chrome book, plugged into the battery of my motorcycle, while I sat underneath a makeshift 'camp.'
Happy. Sad. Mad. Depressed.
It doesn't matter.
You. Can. Write. Always.
It's often because I'm always writing that those feelings or emotions don't hold much sway over me. It's when I'm not writing, when I focus entirely on myself, on what I feel, on how I have been hurt, or how been whatever the fuck. My mind goes for loops repeating unnecessary things.
But when I take to the page, those feelings and emotions find their expression and their resolution, either through prose or through the words of the character. Sometimes they become plot points and beats. Writing is an outlet. Why should I deny its use when I need it the most?
“What if I'm not feeling the scene?” The voice, one of my own, echos inside my mind. “Doesn't one have to feel a mood to express it?”
Is that how that is? One must be happy to write about happiness? Or depressed to write about depressing things? When you are happy, do you forget about everything sad that has ever happened to you? When you are mad, do you not have an appreciation for those able to keep calm? Can't you see, or rather, feel all that they have to experience—and still, they keep their calm?
Being in different feelings and moods presents different perspectives and perception on that which you write about. Is repetition what you seek? To always write happy things when you are happy? To state oblivious things? Wouldn't happiness, spoken in appreciation from one sad, evoke details and qualities missed by the happy mind, simply because the latter can't recognize it?
The truth of the matter is this: Whatever mood you are in now is the perfect mood to write in. It's the mood you're meant to be in as you write. And say it was the case. You had to be one mood to write. How would you go about it? Waiting around until it struck? Forcing yourself to enter it?
Consider this. The composer for Silent Hill, a game containing the most creepy, sinister, and beautiful music was asked how he does it. How does he create musical art? He was asked if he gets himself depressed while composing to express the mood better.
His answer, however, was much different.
The Legend Himself before a Show.
Whenever he came to compose, he tried to do so, to the best of his ability, happy. He stated that, if he was joyful and happy, and something he made was dark enough, creepy enough, depressing enough to drag him down to the depths of the mood his music was trying to evoke... then he had known he did his job well.
Should that be the same with you? Shouldn't you be writing something, a mood perhaps, that's so good that it drags you into it? Isn't that what being a writer is all about? To write well, to evoke emotions, even when you are without inspiration, without the ideal mood upon you?
“But I am tired! I'll write better when I feel better!”
How much different is being tired to being blinded by rage? Won't you express something new here? Perhaps you won't be writing well. What of it? You can always delete and edit later. And not only that. But what if you write just as well? What if it's all in your head? What system of proof do you have that shows you write better in different states.
Does anyone go: “This paragraph! They clearly wrote it while they were tired!”
And say it does result in a bad story. Is that such a bad thing? You're producing good, decent, and bad fics. There is no shame in sometimes writing shit if it means there's a chance of writing well later. Not only that, but surely there are other duties you can do? Outlining, blogging, re-writing. Those work.
And even further. Don't we all work, sometimes, of stories that have different priorities? Say you have a story that must be written well. Fine. Save it for a better time. But don't you have a story to be written that doesn't have to be well written? When you are tried, write stories that can afford to be written subpar. Better that than not at all.
“This story is giving me so many issues! I need to stop and think about them. Everyone is allowed to refresh, right?”
Everyone else, perhaps. What of you? This story is giving you issues. Yes. Take a break from it. But you can always write. There is always another project. If the greats before you switched projects with ease, then you can do the same.
And once you're done with that side project, more than likely, you'll have solved the problems with the original. There was no reason to take a break from writing, only to break away from one particular story.
It's crucial always to be writing. Miss a day and you miss a year. The momentum makes the task easier.
“You do realize you've been talking to yourself this whole time.”
Of course.
What else am I supposed to do at midnight?
This blog was a quickie. I hope you do not mind this. Sometimes, essays are an excellent way of getting a feeling or an idea out of my mind. It took on a new format, too. One taken from Meditations by Marcus Arielus. I enjoyed tinkering with it—though, if I'm honest, it feels like it's missing a little something-something.
Once more, I hope the frequency of these blogs is not harming any of you folks. Should it become an annoyance, then I can switch it to every other day. Also, if you would like to support them in any way, please consider tossing a coin at either my Ko-Fi or Pateron.
Also. This blog spoke to me alone. My feelings and thoughts on writing apply only to myself. I do not expect others to be this harsh on themselves. It is not the correct way of writing. Naturally, it's the one that works for me.
And whatever works for you is damn fine too.
If you would like to suggest a subject for a blog, or for me to answer a question or anything like that, then please, ask me in the comments below. It'd be nice and neat to play by your words instead of only my own. Should you like to be more private with your request, you can also send me a private message.
I don't bite—on the first time.
~ Yr. Pal, B
My dude, just buy some caffeine pills. They're super cheap compared to caffeine.
Or take adderal or snort cocaine like the rest of us. Actually don't snort cocaine. That shit's expensive. You'll get just as awoken by adderal for a fraction of a prize.
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True. But if I didn't have something hot to sip on while I wrote—I'd go fuckin' end myself.
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Please don't end yourself. You have too much to live for--like feghoots!
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Ho fuckin' boah.
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i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/077/988/my_body_is_ready.png
While reading this all I could think of was "Make. Good. Art"
Your blogs are an absolute treasure to read!
No perish
Nice entry, I enjoy reading the late night thoughts of anyone. You discover some weird truths when you're exhausted.
I always enjoy reading your thoughts on writing and theirs one in particular has motivated me to get myself into action and do something!
I plan to write, at least a bit, each day. No word count or time constraint (well, except for work and/or sleep) but just get something on the page. I can edit and make it good art in time but I've got to get it out of my head and see it. Maybe it will be good and perhaps not, but it will be more progress than I'll make just thinking about them.
Thank you for the motivation, B!
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hey wait a minute
Oh, right I have a different alias on Fim Fiction, Carry on
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aye