Some random headcanons of mine (Season 8 Spoilers) · 9:10am Feb 6th, 2019
I just read some interesting headcanons presented by Winter Quill in their most recent blogpost, and I decided to share my own headcanons as well:
-Night Light and Twilight Velvet (Twilight and Shining's parents) are both gay. The two were life-long friends, and had an agreement to marry at the age of 35 if neither of them could find a suitable partner to start families with. After they married, the couple had an understanding that they could pursue other partners for sexual fulfillment while remaining married to each other. Also, the two have had sex for the sole purpose of recreation (with lots of alcohol involved), which resulted in their two kids.
-Hoity Toity is actually straight as a rail, and only dresses so extravagently to fool ponies in the fashion world to assume he was homosexual. Due to being a male in such a female-oriented career field, Hoity saw it as best to pretend to be gay so he wouldn't be shunned for his design works. He also uses the facade as a means to get easy one-night stands with attractive mares, usually by pretending to be Bi-Curious. And since he had a vasectomy early in his career, the pony went to great lengths to ensure no mares tried to lure him in after their one-time romps.
-Despite her limited vocabulary, Yona is actually the smartest of the Student Six. She was ranked the top of her classes in Yakyakistan, and is well-versed in multiple languages. However, no ponies at the School of Friendship seem to notice her high scores due to her clumsy behavior, and her difficulties mastering Ponish dialect.
-Smolder is actually Garble's younger sister, but the two don't really talk to each other after he was forced to leave home from his Molt-stage.
-After Chrysalis was overthrown and the Changeling Kingdom was revived, Changelings became a highly saught-after source for Equestria's porn industry.
-Princess Cadance regularly collects pornography and body pillows of her and Shining's likeness, mostly due to the entertainment value of seeing how ponies interpret her. However, she also carries a vehement distaste for any porn that involves Chrysalis as well, and hates how so many ponies are aroused by someone who was her husband's rapist.
-Shining Armor regularly cross-dresses, mostly for fun and private enjoyment. Cadance knows about this, and has a section of her dress closet specifically for his garments.
and finally...
-Cozy Glow used to be a gifted filly with a near genius-level IQ, and was formerly a student at her local High School despite her age; however, she was also relentlessly bullied due to being raised in a poverty-stricken household, and found no solace from teachers or her own parents. When Lord Tirek first tried to conquer Equestria in the Season 4 finale, Cozy came up to him by herself and begged him to end her life; instead, the being paused his reign long enough to comfort her, and give her the means to become his pen-pal. After he was recaptured, he and Cozy conversed long enough to give her advice on bettering her life. This included acquiring surveillance and blackmail, which she used alongside lying and manipulation techniques to get multiple bullies expelled from her school. She also lured her Principal into a trap when she framed him for assault on a minor, and won a massive lawsuit when he tried to choke her to death. She used the money from that lawsuit to get some cosmetic surgery and make herself "cuter," and moved to Ponyville so she could pay back the favor she promised Tirek.
Also, shortly after being inducted into Twilight's Friendship School, Cozy Glow murdered her parents and locked them in a deep-freezer. Their bodies weren't discovered until after her capture, and was the biggest reason Celestia placed her in Tartarus.
My reactions:
Night Light and Twilight Velvet: Huh, I wonder how Shining and Twilight would react to that information...
Hoity Toity: ..... I honestly don't know how to feel about this one.
Yona: And that's why she is the best of the student six!
Smolder: I can imagine her relentlessly teasing her brother finds out that Spike managed to one-up him not once but three times!
Changelings: It a lot about how many clopfics I've read when I can read this... and simply nod and think to myself 'Yep, that makes sense.'
Princess Cadance: Hehehe... I wonder how she feels about doujinshi involving herself and the other three Princesses...
Shining Armor: THIS. NEEDS. A FANFIC. IMMEDIATELY.
Cozy Glow: ........ WOW.
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Well, just so you know, that first theory of mine was lifted from my fanfic Mother Fluffer.
My cousin Brittany and her gbf Thomas have agreed to marry and have kids at thirty if they don't find anyone before them.
The thing with Smolder and Garble makes a lot of sense as does the changelings in the porn industry.
Cozy Glow's sounds pretty accurate too
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Although I'm pretty sure she also chopped them up.
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Nah, she didn't want to deal with cleaning up the mess.
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True true
If Night Light and Twilight Velvet married at the age of 35, and Twilight is about 25 years old, they are like 65 now, so they look pretty good for their age. If they are both gay, it's quite possible they were pressured into marriage during early twenties by their families (since I'm sure both are nobles), but found the arragement to be satisfying due to being good friends and overall good ponies, and both being happy to let each other to pursue sex outside of marriage.
She was also involved in numerous raids on changelings and has over 300 confirmed befriendings. But seriously, this reminds me of one of my classmates who has surname literally meaning "dumb", and always acted stupid, and then passed exams for free education at physics department of my home city university.
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Headcanons are a very dangerous thing to be messing with if you're weak willed. Be careful.