Fic Reviews: Lost at Sea · 3:20pm Oct 24th, 2018
Okay, so after the last fic review which set a high-water mark -And there's a pun fully intended here- you'd probably suspect I'd go back to trashing fics that deserve it. But no, I'm going to be merciful and review a few good or at least average fics before I delve back into the shitpiles. First up?
Sky Flower glided down on the cloud and fluttered her wings for a moment to get her balance back. She was the best endurance flier on the team, and consequently spent the least amount of time with her hooves on clouds. Everypony thought that if she didn't have to sleep, she'd probably never land at all.
While that probably wasn't really true, it did make her the best choice for a spotter, and nopony ever mocked her for her uncertainty when she was on a cloud. Sky Flower was the best early warning mare the team had ever had.
“The storm's coming from the southwest,” she told them. “Kinda skirting the shoreline. There's a whole row of anvil clouds leading the way, and it looks like the winds are gonna be terrible. I didn't have a chance to get a real good look at the ocean, but the waves are kicking up already.”
Aurora nodded her head. “Can we get out in front of it and push it off?”
“Maybe.” She shifted around on the unlevel cloudtop. “Judging by where it’s sitting, I think that Hayfield Harbor tried that and got it a bit off the coast. If we can hold it back until the prevailing winds shift, we might get it further out to sea.
Okay, I'll be the first to admit I'm not familiar with this universe outside of this story, but I already like the setup. The descriptions, the word choices, they really make you feel like you're in the story really, and that's a hard thing to do for an author. The characters, again I'm not familiar with them aside from them being ponies from a previous generation. (If anyone kindly knows which generation, please do oblige me) but just from the get-go, the dialogue does a very good job of setting up their personalities. No obvious grammar errors to speak of, so fine job there.
“Fillydelphia's been complaining that they have to deal with all the feral weather,” Morning Monarch muttered.
“Well, if we had more ponies on our team, we'd be able to push it further out.” Cloud Climber kicked a tuft of cloud. “I think we can do it. What do we have, four on primary duty today?”
Aurora nodded. “Me and you and Monarch and Star Catcher. And we can get the next shift and the auxiliary team in the air if we need them.”
“You're gonna,” Sky Flower said. “And pretty quick, too. Do you want me to fly down and tell everypony?”
“Grass and rocks are the stuff you land on,” Monarch reminded her. “That's green and shaggy, and grey and black in that order. Don't land on other ponies to warn them.”
Sky Flower rolled her eyes. “I know what to land on. Do you want everypony to meet up at the forward post? 'Cause I don't think that there's gonna be time to assemble everyone. I got a bad feeling about this storm.”
Sorry, couldn't resist. If you excuse my poor little joke, Again, these little lines of dialogue, they help me get a feel for the characters even if I don't know their names (Metaphorically) and what they look like. I'll excuse the little issue of no descriptions just this once, given this fic is part of a shared universe and readers are probably expected to already know what the-Actually, no, I won't excuse it. This could be the first time someone's stepped into this universe, like in my case, so please, just a few minor details about their descriptions here and there.
Aurora lifted a hoof and rubbed her chin. “I think . . . maybe just have them form pairs and help push it off the coast, that's best. Sailorponies, they probably already know it's coming, and they're gonna be putting into harbor or staying well out to sea. Nopony's gonna be happy if it drifts inland, and if us four of us start on point, we can help guide it offshore, especially as everypony else gets mustered.”
“We’ll use the lighthouse as a rendezvous.” Monarch looked over the edge of the cloud for a moment, just to make sure it was still there. “That way, you can make changes if needed.”
“Okay.” Aurora nodded. “I like that. Us four will get at the front, in the usual pairs. Sky Flower, you let everypony in town know what's coming, and have them form up on us, in a diagonal line.”
“Got it.” Sky Flower saluted, and then jumped off the cloud, gliding down towards Chonamare.
Very professional attitudes, makes you feel as if this is a team who knows what they're doing.
Aurora and Monarch took the second flight. As the mare in command, Aurora knew that it was foalish to be at the very front of the storm—it tended to be windy and nasty, but wasn’t the true marker of what the storm actually had to offer. Further back inside of the storm she would truly know what made it up, and she could position other pegasi as needed once she'd gotten a proper sense of it.
So, as more weathermares arrived, she and Monarch would shift positions down the line, until they were alongside the storm proper.
Cloud and Star got to stay at the front, since both of them were skilled at storm management. She knew that they'd both be pushing it off to the east as best they could, and they were both proficient enough with feral weather to not do anything dumb.
Aurora was glad it was mid-season and everypony was experienced—breaking in a new recruit was always a challenge. Most of the weatherponies on her team came from generations of coastal pegasi who knew what real feral weather was, but every now and then she wound up with an unwanted inland pony on her team, a mare who had decided that scheduled weather was too boring. Every one of them was a hotshot, and every one of them was a braggart, and every one of them had no idea that the ocean showed no mercy, but they never really believed it until they fought their first hurricane or nor'easter and half of them quit on the spot and slunk back inland with their tail between their legs.
The further out we can guide it, the better. Aurora glanced off to her left, where she could just see the fading specks of Cloud Climber and Star Catcher.
Okay, aside from the dialogue from Aurora which adds to the already mounting tension, I do like that little paragraph in the middle there, gives us some background and world-building which I shamelessly admit to being a sucker for.
Even with Sky Flower's warning, the speed of the storm front came as a nasty surprise. Cloud Climber and Star Catcher got out to their monitoring positions and began gathering together cloud tufts to make a temporary perch—they both knew that it was going to be utterly destroyed in the storm, but it would be a good resting place as long as it lasted, since there was nothing beneath them but open ocean.
Once that was done, there was nothing to do but wait while the distant clouds grew closer and closer, going from a vague warning into a towering mountain of doom.
Their initial altitude estimate was woefully inadequate, and the pair worked together to push the cloud higher, but it quickly became obvious that that was a foal's errand. The wall of clouds in front towered over their pathetic perch, rumbling and grumbling with thunder and lightning.
Again, I can feel the tension climbing here, and by god the descriptive words alone. Well, I'm actually imagining myself sitting on the coastline watching this monstrosity of a storm build up into some sort of hellish nightmare that any meteorologist would be loathed to forecast.
Star swallowed down a lump in her throat. No matter how many times she did this, the big storms still scared her. As it bore down upon them, she imagined it stretching out even further, reaching across the very ocean in its fury, striking down everypony who dared to oppose it.
Cloud, meanwhile, was standing at the very edge of their temporary outpost, her eyes fixed on the towering tops of the anvil clouds as her mane and tail whipped around her. “Sky Flower said it's hungry,” she shouted over the gusting wind. “It doesn't want to make landfall, not yet. It wants some more moisture in it. We ought to be able to lead it, just a little. When we get the auxiliary teams helping, I think we're gonna be able to push it off. All we've got to do is make it follow us.”
“That's what I'm afraid of.” Star could already feel the storm's potential. It was tugging at her coat, trying to get her to become a part of it. I should have transferred inland.
“It just wants a little bit of guidance.”
Okay, already loving Star, my heart's just going out to her. She's scared, terrified even, and even more so than Aurora, she feels like a real person really, with real flaws and real fears. Masterful work, Biscuit. And phrases like it's hungry, and rumbling and grumbling make the storm itself feel like a character in a way, and for what's basically a disaster film in some ways making the storm itself a character of sorts is a bloody good idea. As it really is the main antagonist here, if not a physical one in that traditional sense.
Star flattened her ears. She'd never felt like she was that good at reading storms, even though it had always worked out for her in the past. She hated the waiting time, because it gave her time to think about what might go wrong.
I shoulda told Aurora I was sick. The storm was roaring towards them, whipping the sea up into a frenzy. She could just make out a few fishing boats hurrying to safety, rushing for the safe harbor. Most of them looked like they would make it, although there was one set of sails that was uncomfortably offshore.
She could barely make out Aurora and Monarch, setting up their position above the shoals, and when she looked back towards Chonamare, she could faintly see pegasi beginning to gather around the lighthouse.
We're not alone. Sky Flower would be telling the secondary teams and the auxiliary what was coming. Pretty soon, there would be lots of ponies in the air, and they'd all be pushing back against the storm. I can’t wimp out.
“Come on!” Cloud Climber scraped at the edge of the cloud, and then lifted off, hovering just above it.
And boom, that's the end of the Prologue. Yes, that's only the prologue. Already, it's got my attention right out of the gate, and that's what a prologue should do. I may have to come back to this story at a later date and review the first chapter really. But for now... 10/10. Solid ten.
And now, courtesy of Mr. Ian McKellen...
Here is a fun tidbit about this story. It was based off a throwaway line in another story this author has. Yes it is in a shared universe and would fit well within the show. Also everypony that appears in this story is an actual MLP pony from across all generations! Still this is a great survival story while doing some great world building.
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I'll drink to that. Ah, one minor thing. That 5% chance of me going to Alabama? Make that a 100% chance.
YES!!! Admiral Biscuit! He's here, and he's getting his praise from you! I know that he's a masterful writer, and seeing this story really makes me want to see more of his work. You go, Autumn!