The Inspiration Behind Crazy Cat-Hating Ladies · 6:42pm Oct 18th, 2018
Okay, so, it’s come to my attention that Crazy Cat-Hating Ladies has broken my personal record for lowest-rated story. I can see why. It’s definitely not my best work. 
In fact, I only wrote it to try to get a song out of my head. Not only did it fail in getting the song out, but it also got me super mad at my sisters’ cats even though they didn’t do anything (this time 😒). Furthermore, I may have unintentionally alienated a whole lot of cat people. Sorry about that. 
That being said, maybe I should take the time to explain how this story came about.
So, after I watched “Sounds of Silence,” I found this Jasper Pie comic. I didn’t get the reference, so I clicked the link in the description. To my dismay, I had a really hard time finding the song funny. I showed it to my sister, and she loved it though. I think the biggest reason why I didn’t find it funny was because I had a super hard time relating to it. I mean, I’ve never gotten lit with a bunch of girls and started complaining about men before. I’ve never gotten lit, period. I’ve also never, to my knowledge, gathered with a bunch of girls and complained about how men are the scum of the earth (my sister probably has though 
). During college, my conversations about guys with my girl friends usually went a little something like this:
“Why do guys do this weird thing that makes no sense to us?”
“I think it’s because of blah, blah, and blah, but I think we’d probably have to be guys to understand.”
“Eh, I guess.”
Well, my sister and I do sometimes complain about our dad when we’re alone in the car, but those conversations usually end up going in this direction:
“Oh my gosh! What if I end up marrying a guy like Dad?”
“You don’t have to marry a guy like Dad if you don’t want to. Not every guy is going to be like Dad.”
“Thank goodness.”
My sister and I love our dad, but he’s got certain habits that we are able to put up with as his daughters that we would not have the patience for in a husband.
Unfortunately for me, the song was incredibly catchy and got VERY stuck in my head. 
After the umpteenth mental auto-replay, I realized that the song pretty accurately described my feelings about cats. I think they’re absolutely adorable and loveable and funny in cartoons but horribly annoying in real life. So, I thought maybe if I changed to words to be about cats instead of guys, then I’ll be able to get it unstuck. Eh, nope. 
Honestly, back when I was a kid, I never thought that I’d grow up to be a cat-hater. I thought that I was going to end up preferring them over dogs. I mean, I heard that they were cleaner. Plus, cats don’t get saliva over your face. However, thanks to some unfortunate experiences with cats, I ended up hating them as much as I hated the taste of liver.
The first time that I interacted with a cat up close was during a friend’s engagement party during college. The hosts had a quote “bipolar cat” unquote. I was just sitting in the living room minding my own business when she jumped up and scratched my arm just because I looked at her funny. 
She scratched a lot of other people at the party too. “shudder”
My cat-hate, however, only cemented last year during my first finals week as a medical student. I was spending days on days studying, and every night I was coming home totally stressed. One night, I decided to pet the stress out on one of my family’s dogs, and our dogs love their pets. So, I was petting my stress out on our shih-tzu, and she was just melting and loving it and loving me for giving her the pets. 
After I finished petting her, I went upstairs, and my stress came back. Our only cat at the time, who I will refer to as Perry the Nemesis Puss, was just lying around, so I decided to pet my stress out on him, AND HE JUST SAT THERE IGNORING ME. IT’S LIKE I WASN’T EVEN THERE! I was so mad.
Don’t get me wrong. Perry the Nemesis Puss isn’t a heartless, unfeeling creature. He does show me affection when he feels like it (usually in the mornings when he’s bored ), but WHERE WAS HE WHEN I NEEDED HIM?! He does genuinely love my sister though, so I’m willing to put up with him. 
Unfortunately, my other sister talked our parents into letting her get her own cat, who I will refer to as Baby Shark Cat. I mean, Baby Shark Cat and I got along fine when my sisters first brought her home. My biggest grievance against her back then was the noise she made whenever she was in heat (Hell hath no noise like a cat in heat ), but that hasn’t been a problem since she got spayed. However, she has since learned to hate me because I happen to be her human’s least favorite sister, and my sister used to yell at me for picking her up. Now, I can’t even move my hand towards her without getting bit or swatted, and if so much as TRY to pick her up, she will hiss. 
On a lesser note, since both my sisters became cat owners, I have learned that it is very difficult to keep ANYTHING out of reach of a cat. If I’m not careful, Perry the Nemesis Puss and Baby Shark Cat will break things I don’t want broken, eat things they shouldn’t eat, or contaminate my water with their mouth germs. 
I am sorry you and cats don't go well together. I'd suggest something... but I don't want to be thrown out of the bunker when the next bomb in Brotherhood and Sisterhood by CartoonNerd12
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Oh, don't worry. Your place in the bunker is safe. 
Besides, my sisters' cats are several steps up from Lucifer. For example, you know how in most cats, their soft furry underbellies are their murder buttons? Well, Perry the Nemesis Puss's murder button is broken. 
He still doesn't like it, but at least I get to walk away unscathed. As for Baby Shark Cat, sometimes I like to pretend to talk for her whenever she swats me. Here's what I think she says: "I, your goddess Baby Shark Cat, am displeased with your offering of pets, puny mortal. Begone from my sight." 
It's hilarious because she's WAY smaller than me.
Let me guess. "Just learn to like cats" (Disney's Cinderella, 1950)?
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Actually no, my actual suggestion involved a relocation, but I don't know your living arrangements and the viability of options presented to you.
Actually the fact he doesn't scratch you means that he doesn't view as a threat anymore, he knows you're not going to hurt him.
I'm now reminded of the scene in Avengers where Loki is trying to talk down to The Hulk
