A theory/thought about The Monster Below · 7:38am Oct 17th, 2018
For a few months now, I've been thinking, brainstorming, and doing some theorizing about 'The Monster Below' trilogy for a retrospective when the third book is complete. To be specific, I've been pondering why the first one is unquestionably the best, and the followups have been... a mixed bag. I've had many thoughts about why this is so, including the idea that every story has a set lifespan, that it was lightning in a bottle, or that the series would have been better off as just one book, but today I came up with a new idea and wanted to toss it out there.
My theory on why the first book works so well and why it has the lion's share of comments, likes, and whatnot is that we all can relate to Silverspeak: Who among us hasn't wanted something so badly that we've worked our butts off trying to get it? That's a universal plot that anyone can relate to. The two sequels, however, have no such hooks. While all of us either have, or either will, deal with the impending death of a loved one, or a terminal illness ourselves, those don't blend well with the drive to have something we think will make us happy.
Thoughts?
I would offer that since the stories have been posted years apart, people aren't as likely to notice a sequel.
You had some interesting ideas leading into and developing from the first into the second, but I will admit I do feel like you jumped the shark at the beginning of the third story. Look back at my comment now, I still have the same reaction rereading it.
"Silverspeak..." Luna says quietly, her voice almost inaudible. "Canterlot and Las Pegasus were destroyed twenty five years ago.”
There could have been a lot more slice of life content, small stuff, fluff rather than larger drama in my opinion. Lots of things were glossed over in a rush to get to another plot point. Did we really need to skip 25 years?
From my understanding, Fimfiction has lost a pretty substantial amount of its readers over the years as interest in MLP:FiM has faded. Couple that with the timespan between each sequel's release and... Well, I think you've got your answer.
You do make a solid point about the supposed "hook" of the first story. I can attest to how gripping of a theme that was to me as a reader at the time.
Something that soured me on the trilogy enough that I stopped reading after book two, was the bleak undercurrent to them. The fatalism, that there was never any shot at all to avoid the tragedies that took place.
Silver never had a real chance of fulfilling his dream. He really wasn't born special enough, so from page one all his enemies and detractors were 100% right that an earth pony just wasn't good enough. Only getting a sliver of hope on royal whim in the end.
Silver never had a real chance of saving the marvels of that floating city and/or Equestria. His enemies were stronger, and more clever then he was, just as they told him even while tricking him to do their bidding. Only really succeeding in killing his childhood bully turned toady to a dark queen while entire cities burn, partly by Silver's forced hoof at that. A petty and bleak victory, not actually worth the prices paid.
Heck, in both stories, Silver gets outright punished for trying to save people. In the first one outright stoned a la Discord by Harmony's chosen, even.
Still... Yeah, the self-improvement, slash road to darkness waylaid with good intentions? That was an extremely compelling arc, but again, I felt it was actually ruined by the idea that it was a fool's errand from page one instead of Silver's own failings costing him his one-shot at greatness. It just gave the whole story too bitter a taste in hindsight, for me at least.
Not really something I've been in the mood for another 100K+ word dose of, to be blunt. Let alone when the very title of the last book—Sunfall, plainly says: 'this is the book where Celestia, the ever living ideal the protagonist strives to be like since book one, dies and/or is corrupted! Have fun!'
It's just... if there was never, ever any chance of genuine hope, what's the point of reading the actual ending of story three? We already know Silver's going to suffer horribly, and have his dreams & hopes crushed into an ever finer powder by now.
I agree. But I also think that it might be because Silverspeak became more "passive". In the first one, Silverspeaks is the one driving the story but in the other two he reacts more rather then acts and that is not very interesting.
I personally stopped after reading a few chapters of the second story because I thought the transition from the themes in the first one to the second was strange and I didn’t feel compelled to keep reading. I thought the ending of the first one was so good that nothing could really do better after that point. Also what seemed to be a blossoming romance didn’t turn up anything which I found annoying after so much build up in the first story.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Sequels are generally going to have fewer views and comments than the stories that come before them, simply because the set of people who will read a sequel is almost always a subset of the set of people who read the first story. Each one gets a smaller audience.
But in this case... well, I can only speak for the first two stories, since I never read the third, but I think the reason here is that the first story is just a lot better than the second.
The first one focused a lot more on the compelling character side of things, with Silverspeak's personal quest and the consequences of it. It bordered on going a bit overboard at times (Such as the big mass-death stuff), but never so much that it detracted from the story.
The second one felt much more focused on the big, dramatic, and somewhat over-the-top events, and I felt like that focus came at the cost of the character stuff I'd liked in the first one. The first one felt like it fit reasonably well in the show's setting, while the second story's flying city with its massive industry felt excessive. The drama and catastrophic events were dialed up to extreme levels. It felt heavily cynical and depressing, with all sorts of things going wrong just to make things feel more bleak, but without any satisfying payoff to it. The main character that made the first story so interesting felt like he was merely a bystander for much of the second story. But the final blow for me was that the entire thing depended on several people making colossally stupid decisions, and everyone else going along with those decisions with only the most token and superficial objection, despite it being abundantly clear to the reader that they're horrible decisions that are going to be the reasons for an inevitable crisis (Which they were). It felt like something artificially crammed in because it was the only way to make the plot work, and it really soured me on the story. Basically, it felt like the second one was focused on cool things, events, and plot-ideas, but didn't use them in a satisfying way.
And while the first story offered some feeling of hope, that Silverspeak had learned and improved from the whole ordeal, the second felt completely devoid of that. Things were just getting worse and worse, and any victory they achieved felt like it was only delaying the inevitable fall. It felt like it was maybe aiming for tension and rising stakes, but it instead made it feel bleak, hopeless, and ultimately pointless.
I think there's numerous reasons, and searching for the one single explanation is misguided. A smaller circle of readers as interest in FIM fanfiction subsides is part of the reason.
I personally don't mind bleakness as such (unless it just jumps the shark), as I mind the predictability of failure.
As for my own feelings, I think I've said it before: In the first book the action is mostly driven by Silverspeak. In the second he's reduced to an agent and then later a pawn own of the plot.
The original story had an interesting downward spiral, with a protagonist seeking an end goal, damn the means. You felt instantly sympathetic with him; An earth pony down trodden by more privileged ponies, who desired to rise above that. There's a Faustian appeal to that plot. He both means well, but also harbors a dark selfish motive. He experiences triumphs and failures. It was engrossing and fascinated me.
I mean it worked for Breaking Bad as well.
In the sequal we had 'Secret Agent Silverhoof'. It was interesting enough to keep me reading, but it always felt like the important stuff was happening elsewhere. And increasingly the events were initiated by circumstances, rather than Silverhoof who was left more to react to it, hopefully in a helpful way.
In the third one, which is more... I'm not sure what... (Silverhoof War Victim?) I often felt like the plot was taking place away from the story. That feeling culminated for me when Luna explains a whole war that happened to Silverhoof, including the deaths of several characters in an offhoof gesture. (I'm aware you altered that passage in response to feedback which I found amazing).
Though its been a while since I've read it. I'll sit down and read it when its done, I think. Your story is one of a few fictions on FimFiction I keep track of.
Those are my main thoughts at least. I don't think its anything you can alter with a rewrite. I have a feeling it matches a vision you have, and an end goal you have in mind, and for better or worse this the direction the story is on now. I don't think you could predict this ahead of time. Anticipating the minds and responses of readers is very hard. And I think you've gone above and beyond.
Also, remember to take anything we say with a grain of salt. Fans rarely know what they want. Just make the vision you have in mind, as best as you can. That'd be my advice.
Those are my thoughts at least. Hope you finish the final part. Looking forward to reading it.
Leonhard.