M2B Reviews Spirit of Loyalty by milesprower06 · 7:37am Sep 30th, 2018
Ghost Image of Rainbow belongs to ask blog Ask The Ghostly Six
Spoilers... (well duh)
Read Story Here
"To retrieve your missing Elements, just make sense of this change of events. Twists and turns are my master plan. Then find the Elements back where you began."
-Discord from The Return of Harmony Part 1
Before we go forward, it's best we take a look back.
This is Spirit of Loyalty. The first story by milesprower06
To start off, it's quick right off the bat with some exposition before leading to the basis of the story where Rainbow doesn't get into the Wonderbolts.
“Oh, the rainbow Pegasus. She was one of the first to audition. Might've actually been the first one there this morning, too.”
The two Pegasus hopefuls exchanged nervous glances.
“Uh, she left right after her tryout. Looked pretty upset, too. I, uh, I don't think she made it, either.”
On a side note, I find the first chapter name "AWOL Rainbow." a little hilarious being a military man serving the army currently. Said term "AWOL" is used when someone is directly avoiding reporting to army when they're supposed to which is a chargeable offence here in sunny Singapore.
Anyway, the next chapter shows her friends finding her while Twilight sees if she could bribe convince Celestia to let Rainbow be a Wonderbolt. Touching for Twilight to do so but Princess Celestia makes a good point.
“She clearly has the skill, but are you so sure she has the nerve?” Celestia interrupted.
“Absolutely! She's the most confident friend I've ever had!”
“Confidence and nerve are two different things, Twilight. The Wonderbolts perform some of the most daring and dangerous aerial moves ever. If Rainbow doesn't have the focus during a performance, she could seriously injure a wingmate, or herself, or worse.”
When I was learning to drive a tank recently in my army days. I was very unsteady with my driving, considering I never drove a vehicle before. Heck, I'm 19 with no drivers license. I was a dangerous liability and could've hurt someone if I wasn't too careful. Thankfully, I got a little better enough to finally have my tank license.
But if I didn't improve. It was probably for the best that I drop out of the course. If only for the safety of others.
That would be why I agree with Celestias' point because safety comes first. A good lesson to understand if it weren't for the fact that this pretty much crushes Rainbows' dreams.
But besides that, the second chapter felt a little abrupt. Like could go on for at least a few paragraphs before ending.
The third chapter follows on with everypony searching for Rainbow. This chapter kind of reminds me of The Last Roundup in some ways. As the five mares try to catch up with their friend.
Oh and Spike's there
“What if she doesn't want to be found right now, Twilight? If she's as upset as we think she is, wouldn't she want some time alone?” Spike asked, riding along on the purple unicorn's back.
Urm. Where did he come from?
*reads chapter again.*
Oh yeah. They're back in Ponyville. Though shouldn't Spike had been with the rest of the Mane Six from the beginning? Eh. Just a suggestion.
By this point, we're close to the climax of the story as Twilight and Friends try to catch up to the running Rainbow Dash.
And as usual, the chapter is short.
Perhaps there could have been some written flashback scenes of how Rainbow failed to get in as she flies away from her friends.
As for the final chapter, it's pretty much what you expect from a season 1 episode. They make up, friendship is magic and a friendship letter is written.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that even if you think you're meant for something, that doesn't mean that it's always meant to be. One of the most important parts of friendship is being there when you're needed, but not necessarily wanted. There are times when your help isn't welcome, but you've got to stand by and support your friends anyway. Hopefully in time, they see that friends are only there to help. A true friend has your best interests at heart, every day, and every night. And with great friends, you can get through whatever life throws at you, and see what the next day brings.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
And then.... wait... That's it? That... was short. Huh. Expected this review to be longer.
Then why the hell I put this off for so long!!!
Well to summerise. Each chapter of this story was too quick to the point considering each chapter is less than a thousand words.
It's an okay story. A simple one. Not one of those highly recommended type of stories but something to just pass the time.
Yet why does this story still have my respect?
Well, it was the starting point for milesprower06 to write Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student and Cupcake Chronicles.
The concept of moving on from personal tragedy in this story was incorporated into Cupcake Chronicles. Even more, this is the first time that milesprower06 wrote a letter which he would soon do more of in Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student.
milesprower06 certainly has come a long way since then and has written more wondrous work.
Furthermore, I do not fault a person's writing for their first work. I myself am still stuck in my own first story; Letters From A Disgruntled Multiverse.
While not his best. It's not his worst either.
I'd say go give it a read and you'll get to see this authors' journey in writing fimfics back to where it all began.
Thank you for writing and keep doing so miles!
This is MixMassBasher signing out.
