Random Ramblings CCLXXII · 9:00am Jun 2nd, 2018
IN WHICH I SUFFER A MINOR BREAKDOWN
It's the middle of the night here and I don't want to sleep. So here's some Matthew Sweet. Enjoy!
This song is extremely relevant to the Recovery Arc. It also kicks ass. If you'll please click through:
I'll talk about story first, since that's what y'all follow me for. As I've said, all four chapters of The Rejected are on FimFic, but Chapters Two, Three, and Last (yes I write out the words, because that is how I roll, damn it) are being kept private for now so I can take in reader feedback and tweak as needed. I've already used some to further fix the long conversation between Rarity and Flash in Chapter Two and add a bit of humour in a part that originally didn't have any. However, I believe in follow-through (a.k.a call-backs). I'm going to need to insert a line into the final story to make the line a gag and further cement continuity.
Speaking of which, I hope I've been okay with that. Like Sunset, I always take the difficult road – fourteen stories plus three "non-canon" side stories written over a period of three years, out of order, some on a whim, and trying to keep the plot straight for latecomers who read THE GUIDE (which I suggest everyone do) and look at these fics in their intended chronological order.
I have created the pagespace for the final SRA story. As I've mentioned, it is fittingly titled Recovery. However, I can't say with certainty that Sunset will be "recovered" even after she faces her last and toughest obstacle. If you've kept up with SRA, then you know who that is and why she's held back from facing this entity, though credit to Sunnybuns for coming up with a clever way to deal.
I do have one more story after that of dubious canonicity. I apologize in advance for shouting but I need to in this case. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN HELP ME WRITE SEXY-TIME? I SUCK AT IT.
I sent Dusk-Melody the story months ago and, while he enjoyed it, he didn't really have much advice to give me on how to make it better. Granted his "sexy" stories tend to get kinky and/or rapey, which is absolutely not where I want to go – I'm wanting consensual (and sensual, heh) Romance that doesn't stray past PG-13.
Even though Sunset will get to some semblance of normality, the same cannot be said of SRA's creator and sole author (i.e. me).
I've been dealing with a depressive episode for most of the night. I spent over an hour writing a diary about how worthless I feel, how I'm a disappointment to my family, and how I don't understand why I have friends because I don't deserve them.
I have no intention of pulling a "Night Of Faded Sun". Mostly because my mother lives with me and I don't want her to worry any more than she already does.
Anyway, before that diary, I drafted a diary that I didn't publish because it was rambly even by my standards and mostly consisted of me complaining about my ex -- the real circumstances of her dumping me, how she treated me before and after, and how much money she owes me (it's a lot).
I reconnected with a new friend last night. Nice girl -- weird girl -- I met while on vacation. For the most part, she's my type. But she's also far too interesting and cool for me. Every girl I've ever met is out of my league, to be honest. This includes my ex. I'm going to die alone. Do I really want to live another 40-50 years like this? As you can imagine, most of my night has been accompanied by decidedly NOT-manly tears.
I didn't eat supper because I wasn't hungry. Now I'm hungry but don't want to leave my bed.
Sometimes, I willingly admit, I actively seek validation from people. When you have severe rejection issues like I do, you do crap like that.
Anyway, I'm getting sleepy, as it's 4am now and I've been up since 9:30 when I posted TR's first chapter. I hope the story gets more readers even before the later chapters go live.
Peace out!
You should give it a try, even if she's out of your league that doesn't mean you can't try to be happy.
I know how you feel. I've been having an extensive depressive episode and feelings of worthlessness lately. A lot of it was assuaged when I read a book recently. I'm currently on disability and foodstamps. Never held an official job before aside from helping my Mom deliver newspapers when I was really young. I can't even go to school because I'm on loan forgiveness right now. I feel really alone too, but thankfully I have friends that want to stick with me anyway.
It's better to not look a gift horse in the mouth and just accept what you have. And remind the people who stick with you how thankful you are to have them every day, and try to find ways to show them how you feel.