Fic Review: Dino Saurian Rex · 5:44pm Apr 11th, 2018
Okay, so starting fic reviews again, and today, I've got a real hum-dinger for you. And I don't mean that in the good sense. How bad is it? Well, I'll let Hades do the talking for you...
Yeah, that bad. This pile of shit is so steamingly bad, you can smell it through the computer. but you don't have to take my word for it, read it for yourself, and pity me as I read through it. Please kill me now... Mercy kill!
[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]
When I was little, I just want to know where the dinosaurs were and what happened to them. It turns out I found the answer.
Once upon a time on planet Earth, two-hundred and fifteen million years ago, the Earth was now a scorched planet planet when Siberia rips apart into series of volcanic eruptions that wiped out ninety percent of life. It is called "The Great Dying", the end of the Permian extinction.
The dinosaurs have risen in the Late Triassic two-hundred and thirty million years ago, and when Pangaea split apart forming an Atlantic ocean, the dinosaurs now adapt in this prehistoric world.
Dinosaurs are magnificent creatures that ruled the Earth for one-hundred and sixty-five million years. Dinosaurs aren't just one species, but more of them, and all hand in different shapes and sizes. They aren't the only creatures that thrived here; they are flying reptiles called Pterosaurs, but they're not dinosaurs; and they're massive marine reptiles that thrive in the ancient oceans.
Dinosaurs can come into different family groups. Theropods are bipedal creatures that are related to birds, but most are carnivores like T-Rex. Sauropods are large four-legged long necked dinosaurs that are the largest on Earth, and all are gentle herbivores that can pick out leaves from high or low trees. Many smaller herbivores use their speed to defend themselves while others likeTriceratopsstand and fight with lethal weapons.
All dinosaurs, like birds and reptiles, lay eggs. We are not sure if dinosaurs were warm or cold blooded, but we believe all are mesitherms (animals that are between warm and cold blooded). Not all dinosaurs are bigger than a school bus; they are several smaller species that are the size of pigeons.
We have never seen a dinosaur before because sixty-five million years ago, an asteroid six miles in diameter lands in the Yucatan killing the giant dinosaurs; however, not all dinosaurs disappeared, smaller survivors have become birds, and they live around us today.
This is how I know what happened to them until the story begins. As we're not alone in the universe, whatever killed off the dinosaurs wasn't an asteroid...it was something ancient, evil and more advanced than humanity.
My name is Brandon Carter also known as Saurian Rex, and I'm a eighteen year old paleontologist. And I'm going to tell you something what happened in the KT Mass Extinction.
Okay, this is where things start, and I'll give the author some credit, it's not that bad of a prologue, despite being rather short and a few grammar errors. It gets the background of the story across, and does show quite a lot of knowledge about Dinosaurs. I like how it's trying to be scientific here. So, points there. But sadly, that's where the story begins to fall apart. Is any of this relevant to the story at hand? I mean, really? Unless you're a dino nerd, does any of this matter to you or the average reader? Way too much science for one fanfiction. Bit dull, really. Also, I literally scrolled down the page, and that was that. The end of the prologue was only 397 words long! Also, guy says he's secretly a brony and yet he posted a story on a brony site! ...Well, unless he meant it's a public secret to his family, which I can sympathize with. It took me months to admit to my dad I'm a brony, and even longer for mom. Took me showing Dad John De Lancie's opening episodes to explain MLP wasn't just a girl's show anymore.
And then there's the description... Hoo boy.
A teenage pure-heart paleontologist name Brandon Carter is just an ordinary human being on Earth until he was transported into another world, in his Earth Pony form in which his name is changed to Saurian Rex, populated by peaceful ponies, and meets with the Mane 6 and five other pony-turned-humans. When they discovered that Late Cretaceous dinosaurs from Earth have also been transported into this world after extinction, he realizes that whatever killed off the remaining dinosaurs on Earth wasn't an asteroid; but an evil extraterrestrial species that turned out to be Changelings and their invincible monarch name Queen Chrysalis seeking revenge after the events of the final episode of Season 6, and now that they're revealed as dinosaur killing aliens, Chrysalis sends her army to launch a devastating attack on two different worlds with technology far more powerful than magic. Now to prevent another extinction to humanity and ponykind, Saurian and the others go on a journey to Hell Creek Formation on the other side of the world to find a beneficial being that created this world, and then find the remaining Elements of Harmony, that could transform into 6 different dinosaurs, to protect Earth and Equis from an alien invasion.
That alone should some it up. I mean really? ...Ugh, just ugh.
It's not what it seems of being a brony because secretly I'm sort of a brony. I know some of the characters from the show, but not the other ones. I know MLP is a girls' show, but they're several male fans called Bronies or female fans called Pegasisters. I don't want to watch My Little Pony because the villains that are trying to destroy the Mane 6 make me paranoid. It turns out today that I figured it out that Equestria, a land of peace and magic, is real when the story begins.
My mom wakes me up the next morning as I forgot to set my alarm clock.
"Brandon, get up." Mom says,
I sigh as I sit up. "Okay, mom. I'll be out here in five minutes."
Mom disappears outside my room.
It was Friday, and it's time for school. I change my clothes and put on my necklace that looks like a T-Rex skeleton. After eating breakfast, I brush my teeth and grab my backpack to head out for the bus.
At lunch, I'm sitting on the table alone eating a chicken burger. I have a couple of friends, but none of them are in my relationship as me. I'm asocial and I can't find someone to socialize because they're several people who are good or bad, and for no reason whatsoever, every kid in school don't hang out with me.
Suddenly, I received a message from an unknown person in my cellphone.Go to the nearby boys' bathroom. Don't bring anyone else.
Well why not? I shove my cellphone in my pocket, and I walk into the boys' bathroom.
When I walk inside the bathroom with no one else around and the door closes behind me, something caught my eye from the left side of the wall. I turn left, and there's a white glowing oval on the wall to the left. I put down my backpack, and I approach it to examine.
I don't know if it's dangerous or not, but I think I'll try to touch it. Bravely, I slowly lift my hand, and carefully touch the glowing oval. Suddenly, everything went white, and then everything went pitched black (although my are opened, but I was hallucinating or sort of).
Dozens of images show up, and they circle around me. They reveal UFO sightings, abductions, alien encounters, Illuminati conspiracies, war, terror and anarchy. After the images spin around and around very fast, they fade into green particles. Another image appears right pass me just before it fades into green particles. What the image revealed are millions of dead dinosaurs in a post-apocalyptic world.
Suddenly, I hear someone laughing. It was a woman, but sounded evil... very evil! After a few seconds, two glowing reptilian eyes appear in front of me floating at my height.
"There will be no peace!" The voice says. It sounds like an evil woman echoing around me.
The eyes approach at me as it laughs hysterically, and then I'm knocked out.
Again, I literally have to scroll down the page and it's finished in over 507 words! Also... Really? I have to ask, get a mysterious text message asking to meet you alone and you listen to it? Really. I'm facepalming again, massively. Almost Naked Gun levels of facepalming here. Seriously, how does he know this guy isn't a psycho killer or something? Also, this.
At lunch, I'm sitting on the table alone eating a chicken burger. I have a couple of friends, but none of them are in my relationship as me.
What... Just what? That last sentence makes no logical sense whatsover. Do your English man! Granted, I'll assume he's not a native English speaker possibly, so... Actually, strike that. There is no excuse for this when I look at your profile and find you were born in Washington State and are 19 years old! headdesk I was writing better than this at that age, and that was only a year ago! So, really, there's no excuse for things like this.
Back to this.
Bravely, I slowly lift my hand, and carefully touch the glowing oval. Suddenly, everything went white, and then everything went pitched black (although my are opened, but I was hallucinating or sort of).
Dozens of images show up, and they circle around me. They reveal UFO sightings, abductions, alien encounters, Illuminati conspiracies, war, terror and anarchy. After the images spin around and around very fast, they fade into green particles. Another image appears right pass me just before it fades into green particles. What the image revealed are millions of dead dinosaurs in a post-apocalyptic world.
Woah, talk about a conspiracy nut.
Suddenly, I hear someone laughing. It was a woman, but sounded evil... very evil! After a few seconds, two glowing reptilian eyes appear in front of me floating at my height.
"There will be no peace!" The voice says. It sounds like an evil woman echoing around me.
Department of redundancy department. Right, like we couldn't tell the woman was laughing evilly when you just told us, the readers, that she sounded evil!
Actually, can I just point to the metaphorical graveyard of comments in the story below? Might say, the comment section is... extinct?
YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!
Sorry, couldn't help myself. But seriously, only 800 words in the story so far, and that's just for two chapters, if you can call them that. ...Agh, I can't bring myself to care for this story anymore. It's that bad. Probably for the best really, as this fic would probably drive me insane if I read any further.
Sorry, I just... can't. That apathetic to this story.
Wow. That bad huh? Just....wooooooooowwww.....
Um. What?
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My exact reaction to... well, everything really.
4838022
I see
Yeah, I started reading the paragraphs you quote and barely half through it I skip to your comments.
Though to be fair, it is this guy's first story, at least first publish here, and the first one is always bad as they say. I'll give him at least credit for finishing it.
Ouch that is not good. Hopefully they have improved their writing as time has gone on.
Edit: What scares me is all the deleted comments on this story. That is a lot of stuff taken off that kinda scares me.
My goodness, I've known some fics like that. Bleaugh. Heck, I've been involved in writing fics like that alongside enthusiastic authors much more invested in it than I am. I try to not openly be blatant about how bad they are because I'm really afraid people will condone my behavior, but given the chance, I'd rant on and on about them.
Hold on. How do I get this renowned Bricklayer to review stories I want to submit? PM him? Provide him with a link? Ask him? Ask him politely? Or is this Bricklayer not accepting submissions, only reading and reviewing the ones he wants to review?
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You can submit suggestions on my page in the comments section, or PM them to me. Keep in mind, I'd prefer good stories, and I'll honestly only review the first chapter, reason being first impressions mean everything with stories. Only reason I did the first two chapters of this story was because they were so goddamned short.
4838058
Yeah, that I'll give him. The fact that it's his first story (And my first story, which has now thankfully been deleted) on here was pretty bad as well I'll that fact slide, and he did finish it, for good or for ill.
I am too scared to even dive into that story...
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Trust me, your sanity is better off that way.